Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Feminine black teen guide

This post is for the younger crowd. Spend your teenage years to learn more about yourself as well as other people and things! I have compiled a list of things you should focus on that will help you form good habits, learn more about yourself, and other skills. Taking care of yourself in your teens will lead to a young adulthood with more opportunities, romance, friendships, financial abundance and fun. I want more black women to think about themselves and their future. Becoming a high-value woman doesn't start at the age of 18; there is a lot of prepping that women of other races do with their daughters that helps them become a well rounded individual that is successful in their career, education, social life and romantic life. The black community is not rooting for us black women so it's up to us that have been through it all to give advice to the younger ones. I'm in my 20s myself but I have been through it all and I mean ALL. One day I will share my story but for now I will list the things I did and suggest to young black girls who want a fabulous life and are ready to prepare for it.




1. Learn how to socialize and develop friendships. Learning how to talk to people and make friends is important to everyone but it doesn't come easy to some. There are some adults who don't know how to talk to people! Smiling, appearing approachable and friendly will help attract people to you but learning the art of conversation will take you far. Everyone needs friends but for women, having friends is extra important! Lol We need others to have a shoulder to cry on, to give you honest opinions, to laugh and talk with, to learn life lessons and seeing other points of view. I suggest making friends with a variety of people from different backgrounds, whether they are a different race, gender, social group, age or socio-economic status. People who are different from you in those ways (and more) offer fresh perspectives in life and teach you things. Here is a link to an article on how to strike up a conversation with someone you don't know:

How to start a conversation

*Making new friends is fun but be careful, not everyone is friendly and has your best interest at heart! Among young women, there is a lot of jealousy and backstabbing and bullying. Don't tell another person your innermost secrets, desires and dreams when you first meet them. Even if you have known them for years, it is best to keep some things to yourself.



Flirting is also a good skill to learn. Lol more on this in another post but for a teen you can definitely learn to flirt, talk to guys (around your age please) and just learn about guys in general.




There are many opportunities to become friends with guys, through church, school activities, volunteering, through friends, etc. I don't think having a boyfriend in high school is bad but since there a lot of things you should be doing to become a well rounded person, you may not have time. It is important to learn how to act around the opposite sex, though. I highly suggest not having sex because not only are teenage boys immature enough to tell everyone or even secretly videotape you (it's happened!) but there's a risk of STDs and pregnancy. Teenage boys can also be dangerous, there are some with mental issues and misogynistic views and they will rape you or spread rumors that you are a "slut" or a "whore". My pieces of advice regarding dating are:

1. Don't give it up! Guys respect things that they have to work for and if you just hand it to him he will leave you after or only keep you around for sex and date another girl who he can enjoy chasing.
2. Don't get too attached. Everyone you meet leaves an impression on you but dating isn't how it used to be. Guys in their teens aren't looking to get married. They just want to be around and with girls. There's a chance he could be your high school sweetheart and you'll be together forever but don't count on it. Have fun, flirt, laugh and joke together. Have your first kiss, go on dates and to school dances but don't expect a ring and don't believe him when he says he loves you. Some guys say this so you let your guard down and sleep with him but not all guys are bad. Some guys confuse like or lust with love and they think it's romantic to say those three words because they think that's what all girls want to hear.
3. Let him treat you nice. Let him open doors, pay for your lunch, carry your books, walk you home and buy you things. Some people say that guys aren't required to do this but I think it shows that he comes from a good family and has a very good upbringing. If he does these things, he probably has a good relationship with his mother and his father taught him to respect women. You want to get used to this type of guy so when you are older you know how to get along and be with a man who is respectful, kind and knows how to treat a lady. You don't want to be one of those jaded mistrustful women who gives a side-eye to a guy who brings you roses or rejects a well-mannered man because she thinks he's up to something.
4. Don't waste your time on a guy who only talks about sex, uses pick up lines or tells you what to wear/how to wear your hair, etc. These are red flags for boys who feel entitled to girls and are possibly controlling, abusive and extremely judgmental. How many guys have you met that boast loudly about the type of girl they want or like? Stay away from this type because chances are he sees you as an object and will get angry if you don't fit his expectations.

2. Learn how to drive. Get your license as soon as you can. Even if you don't have the money to get a car right away. The longer you have your license, the less insurance will cost you in the future. Plus, you never know when you will need it.

3. Focus on school. Not only will getting good grades help you get into college, be eligible for scholarships and help you get a part time job but there are also other benefits to being studious during your high school years. Good attendance, the ability to concentrate and juggle multiple things and completing projects by the deadline aren't things that are strictly for high school. All good jobs expect you to be able to do these things. High school isn't pointless; it prepares you for the real world, contrary to what some people say about it. Anyone who tells you that school isn't a big deal is probably someone who didn't do as good as they wanted to and is bitter or doesn't want a young black women to succeed. Ignore them. Students with good grades are respected by their peers and teachers. I made friends with many other hardworking and motivated students who continued to support and motivate me even after high school ended. It is good to be surrounded by people who also have goals! Don't be ashamed or afraid to go to the library during lunch or after school to get some work done because you will be surrounded by other people who want to get ahead in life. Also, teachers love students who care about their grades and will go above and beyond to help you with anything if they know that you are passionate about succeeding. My high school english teacher was the one who got me my first job!



Here is an article with tips to help you excel in school. I also like to watch youtube videos and read tumblr blogs by high school and college students regarding study tips, stress reduction and organization tips.

How to Excel in High School

4. Learn what colors and fashion styles look best on you. Your teen years are the best time to figure out what looks good on you because you have the freedom to look funny, a hot mess and try out new things LOL Dye your hair a new color, experiment with makeup, try a new fashion style, etc. Here are a few articles that should help. I highly suggest reading them and then going to a reputable hair stylist, personal shopper, and makeup artist. Even if you don't intend on spending a ton of money it is best to get advice in person because they will be able to tell you better than anyone online can. They are trained to know how to help people! As far as the personal shopper goes, they are mainly in high end places like fancy department stores and boutiques =/ I suggest acting like you are rebuilding your wardrobe, taking notes and leaving LOL they may be irritated that you wasted their time but that's the only way I can think of.

Your best colors
Your style
Your body shape
Fashion Tips for Beginners



5. Take care of your skin. Your teen years are probably the worst for the skin. Many girls suffer from excessive oiliness and acne. Plus, girls with dark skin tend to get hyperpigmentation (acne scarring). Acne scars are almost as bad as acne itself. Go to a dermatologist for topical or oral medication that will help but a skin care routine is important to. If you take medication for your skin then use products made for sensitive skin and that doesn't interfere with the medicine. If you prefer a less clinical approach, you may find supplements a good choice. You should talk to a doctor before you start but here are a few that I know work for sure:

-MSM
-Fish Oil
-Biotin
-Silica/Horsetail

Also, drink at least a liter of water a day. Wear sunscreen (yes, dark skin can get skin cancer too!) and wash your face before bed. Change your pillow cases every other night and use silk or satin pillowcases to prevent your skin from getting dry.

The basic skin care routine is a cleanser, toner and moisturizer. A cleanser's purpose is to clean off the sweat, dirt and grime from the environment. Choose a gentle one that has natural ingredients or one with the least amount of ingredients. Some people say that toners are useless and a good cleanser should enable you to not need one but they are just confused. A toner's job isn't to clean but to restore the skin's pH and help your skin absorb the nutrients that the moisturizer has. Black women have beautiful skin and should take good care of it. Black skin glistens in the sun and is the object of envy of a lot of people (they just won't admit it LOL). A daytime moisturizer should contain spf and a night time should contain ingredients that help the skin. Young ladies with acne should use one with salicylic acid, dry skin should contain moisturizing ingredients like vitamin E and normal skin can do without one but a basic one from like St. Ives shouldn't hurt. Also, once a week you should do a face mask to do a deep cleansing. They are very cheap and you can even google "DIY face mask" and make one from the ingredients from your fridge. A post on skin with further detail will come up soon.

7. Do volunteer work. Not only will this help you build an awesome resume but it will get you more involved in the community, expose you to new people and environments and also raise your self esteem. Knowing that you are capable of making a change in the world will make you feel better about yourself. You can also make connections for the future. Volunteering can help you get a good idea of what you might want to do as a career. A few ideas for where to volunteer:

-Hospital. There might be a gift shop, maternity ward or any clerical work that can be done by a young person.
-Humane Society/animal shelter. You'll learn how to take care of animals.
-Senior citizen living community. They will have you answering phones, help with recreational activities, etc.
-Real estate office.
-Summer camps
-Garden center/nursery
-Library
-Museum/Aquarium
-Theatre. My local theatre has volunteer ushers and they get to watch the play, ballet or concert for free!

Another pro for volunteering is that it will expose you to people that you wouldn't normally be in contact with. As a black teen, especially if you live in the inner city, it is important to know people who can help you for jobs and other opportunities, like housing and resources. There are lots of good jobs that don't get posted on job boards and windows because the employer doesn't want any ol' person applying and having to shift through hundreds of resumes and applications. Being connected to people who have connections, money and resources is important. For instance, I got my first non-fast food job because my volunteer supervisor's brother was a real estate broker and needed someone to organize his files. I had expressed my desire to leave the bagel place I was working at to my supervisor at the Humane Society and since she knew I was a good worker, responsible and kind, she referred me to her brother.

8. Find a new hobby. Hobbies release stress, are a great creative outlet and build your character. They also build your self esteem because you have something you enjoy and are good at. Hobbies also keep you from being bored. Boredom is dangerous. Bored teens are prone to depression, drugs, excessive alcohol consumption and loneliness.

Also, for the young ladies who are interested in swirling, getting involved in things that are outside the "black spectrum" will bring you around a more diverse crowd. Here are some examples:
-sports like golf, tennis, water-polo, swimming, surfing, lacrosse and horseback riding
-sewing, watercolor painting, ceramics
-theatre like plays and musicals. You can also learn about fine art and visit museums
-learn how to sing classical music and/opera




9.Learn a language. The world is your oyster, young black girl! You can go anywhere you want but it would be easier if you could understand other people and don't get lost, no? Lol most high schools offer language courses but there are also community college classes you can take. You can also rent cd's and dvd's from the local library. Some languages you may find useful are:

-Spanish. This should be a requirement for all Americans because the Latino community is growing at a fast rate and spanish is a language that a lot of employers want.
-French
-Italian
-Cantonese or Mandarin
-Japanese
-German
-Arabic

10. Find a part time job or start your own business. It's smart to start building your resume and get some money in your pocket. If you are involved in extracurricular activities and/ or volunteering then you may find it to be too much to get a job but it's doable. Many fast food and retail places hire 16 year olds so I suggest you start there. Also, you can babysit, clean houses, mow lawns and run errands (if you have a car). Get creative! You can turn your hobby into a money maker (photography skills, web design, dance competitions, tutoring, etc).

11. Take care of your body. While obesity affects people of all ethnicity and ages, it's imperative that young black women take care of their bodies! Being overweight puts you at risk of heart disease, diabetes and other diseases. A toned body will boost your self esteem and make you look better in clothes. From experience, I know that black girls are shamed for our bodies whether we are fat or skinny. Everything we do is ridiculed so body size and weight are sensitive subjects. I have nothing against fat girls, I just don't think it's anything to enable and is unattractive. I don't expect every woman to have the perfect hour glass shape, that's ridiculous. But I do want more young black women to eat healthy, exercise and watch their weight.



For the young swirlers, other races of men prefer slender bodies. The black community will tell you that real women have curves and that you don't need to lose weight. Don't listen! Having a big butt or a full chest isn't bad at all. In fact curves are beautiful! But you can have curves and be thin.

Zumba, martial arts, swimming, pilates, ballet are some ideas for fun ways to keep your health and body in good shape. Eat your vegetables raw or steamed; eat plenty of fruits; drink water and unsweetened green tea; eat candy, soda and carbs in moderation; and reduce stress as it can lead to weight gain believe it or not.

12. Open a bank account and save whatever money you get. Everyone needs a bank account, even if they aren't working. A little tip: Get an account with a credit union if you can. They have better policies and practices. Save at least 50% of your paychecks and get it directly deposited into your savings. The interest rates are low at the moment but you should save anyway. That way in the case of an emergency you don't have to depend on anyone. Also if you start saving when you are young, even only $20 a month, you will get into the habit of saving for the rest of your life. It is critical as a young black women to be smart with money because of the economy and how men and other races get paid more for doing the same work. That's very sad but that's the way it is. Trust me, a rainy day will come and you will be thankful that you were proactive.




13. Have fun! This guide may seem like a lot of responsibility but honestly, all of these things will be fun if you have the right attitude! See everything as an opportunity to learn and get to know yourself.



Keep a diary or journal and write about your experience and feelings. You will make many memories that you will be able to look back on and be proud that you gave yourself so much love and didn't let anything hold you back from living your life to the fullest. You can even start a blog or youtube channel and make new friends as well as some money. Enjoy your youth and make the most of it.


I hope you enjoyed this post and found it useful. If you have any questions, comments or any requests for upcoming posts, leave a comment down below. Thanks!

Little Black princesses

Here are some pictures of adorable black baby girls! OMG my heart is aching Lol









Sunday, August 24, 2014

Why do some women "get" good men and I can't?

You may have asked yourself this before? I know I have many times. It wasn't until I studied other women and the nature of "certain" men that I began to understand why some women attract and keep high quality and high-value men and why others can't.

What kind of women attract educated, wealthy, good mannered, masculine men?

Why do you think high value men go after a certain woman?

Looks play a big part. We all know but these women with all the "luck" (aka more life skills) get these men because they possess the traits/skills these men want and let it be known they have these skills.

How many of you dream of a certain type of man? Now how many went out looking for information on what said type of man is interested in, what kind of environment he is in, what he finds attractive, etc? You have no chance with this type of man unless you understand him.

What man wants a woman he can't hold a conversation with? Or can't introduce at a dinner party? Or knows nothing of his interests?

You need to educate yourself, train yourself, study the habits, hobbies and pleasures/interests if the man you are trying to attract and appeal to him.

Invest in growing yourself. A quality man can see the lackluster energy of a woman who's faking it. He wants someone who is on his level in some way, whether it's intellectually, physically, financially or emotionally or a combination of these.


__________________________________________________________________


Here are some tips.........
-study what kind of neighborhoods your ideal type lives in and move into such neighborhood.
-study what kind of hobbies he participates in and participate in such activities (future blog post)
-find out what kind of education he has/is working on and acquire the same or similar degree or education (future blog post)
-determine what kind of career he has and get your foot into that door (future blog post)
-discover what personality traits he possesses and determine whether yours will match (very important)
--live a similar lifestyle

There are some things that men are better at and that they will appreciate if you are good at, too. A few of these things are being smarter with money (quality men are savers, not spenders but are good at both), trying new approaches to problems, not making excuses (a quality man is a man of his word and very crafty). You should also learn how to walk away from situations or people that devalue you.


___________________________________________________________________

A high-value man doesn't want a woman with a "history". Be careful of who you date, befriend, work for, etc. A trashy past will compromise your future. Think of a CEO or a prince, would they not conduct a background check on the woman they want to marry? Yes, they will because why would they risk what they've worked hard for if it can be so easily taken away by a gold digger, scam artist, liar, ex-stripper/prostitute or any other woman that has engaged in risky behavior and can ruin his reputation?

The importance of not forgetting your daughter!

Who wants their daughter to be a high school dropout? A job hopper? A young single mother on welfare? A baby mama?

Not me and I hope not you either!

The grooming of a girl to become a woman of charm and the cherished wife of a good man is best started at a very young age. By very I mean 4 or 5 years old. WHAT!? I know you're probably thinking I'm crazy but listen up. When we are young we are malleable! The things we hear, see and feel shape us in ways we don't realize. As a young girl I would watch Tales of the Crypt with my mother. I was also exposed to classical music and played the violin my entire childhood. I grew up with an interest in "the dark side" and musical theatre, so now as a young lady my interests include musicals like "Phantom of the Opera", "Sweeney Todd", etc. I am also heavily involved in the local community theatre and fine art scene. Do you get it? The lessons we learn, the skills we acquire, the hobbies we indulge in as children influence us for the rests of our lives. That's why it is important for us to raise our children a certain way.

I feel like as a collective, Black women, we have gotten the short end of the stick. Our parents weren't looking out for us. I feel that the women/girls of other races were taught a lot of things that we weren't because the generations before us were so focused on "the brothas". For instance, my white and asian classmates have known things regarding dating, finance, marriage, nutrition/weight control that I have recently learned about the past year! That's horrible! Their families are looking out for them and trying their best to secure them a place in society while the BC is leaving Black girls to fend for themselves and ridicule them for the behavior that accompanies low self-worth, dysfunctional dating habits, fear of men, etc. The struggle is real for us, especially for the BW who were born into not-so-great situations, like single parent household, low-income households, the inner city, etc. If you aren't raised to have a high self-esteem, strive for a fine education, haven't travelled or been exposed to things that will make you well-rounded then it is very hard to socially climb :( There is hope though! I think as long as you are a woman of value and are working to better yourself and are smart about who you date and learn how to take/use advice, you can break free of your less-than-stellar upbringing and secure a fabulous man to marry you and being your family legacy. 

I don't have children yet but I know for sure that I am not going to ignore my daughters! In fact, my fiancee and I have opened a savings account specifically for the expenses involved with the upbringing of our children, such as advanced education (like tutoring or private school), extracurricular activities, summer camps, etc. My fiancee is Caucasian and grew up in a middle-class family so he already knows that the woman's role in society and in the family are just as important as the man's. Yes, the boys carry the family's name but daughters are important too!

My hope is that the women who read this blog will think less about what the BC and society thinks about us and more about improving yourself from the inside out and creating the life you want! I want to see less depressed struggling single mothers and more happy wife and moms.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Being an Angry BW is understandable but don't let it take over your life!

Why are BW angry? How we can stop being angry?



Short answer: We are the victims of racism and sexism. We can stop being angry by not giving a f&*k! LOL

First, let's define anger. Anger is an emotional response to one's psychological interpretation of feeling threatened. Anger is based upon projection of fear.

Feeling threatened as a BW is completely understandable seeing as how we face discrimination from both racists and sexists. We have the unique experience of being Black and a woman. The women who march, protest and rally for Black male victims of violent racism are the women who focus only on racism; they do not see or care that they face sexism from the very same men who they risk their lives protecting. These women do not see how these very same men are the ones who do not protect them when they are victims of racism, too. They believe that if there were no racism then their lives would be easier but that is not the case. They still would be oppressed because they are women. They refuse to accept the fact that we are not the preference of “our” men . They refuse to see that the modern BM's response to racism is not to rebuild the community and be self-sufficient, but to get revenge on the WM who oppress them and the BW who failed to raise them to be real men.

BW are not bitter, we are disappointed. Modern BM are the bitter ones. They punish women who remind them of their mother because they blame her for failing to raise him and teach him how to be on level with WM, AM and HM. He knows that he can't compete so instead of improving himself and encouraging other BM to do the same, he resents his own mother instead of his absent father (isn't that funny?). The ultimate revenge for him is to “steal” a WW, AW or HW from their men who show him up in every way and try to “taint” that women and produce children that are half him. It's all a game to get revenge but instead of hurting WM, he is entertaining them. Every other race is laughing at his desperate attempt to get even instead of get on par. If BP back in the day had continued to build up Black America instead of integrate with White America, the BC wouldn't be in the state it is now.

Black women are angry because we are intelligent. We see the world for what it is and deep inside we know what the BM's agenda is. We handle this higher awareness by becoming angry. We stew in the anger and turn it inward, that's when it becomes depression, low-self esteem and other self-destructive behavior.

What should we do about anger? Get rid of the self-destructive habits that are caused by anger but keep enough (a small amount) to fuel the spirit to do better! Turn the disappointment from the BC into motivation to improve our lives. Not just your own life but for our daughters, nieces, sisters, friends and neighbors. I don't expect every BW to jump on board as we have been brainwashed to hate ourselves, thus some of us hate each other. I have hate in my heart for NO ONE but I saw the world, especially the BC for what it is at a VERY young age.

Here are some tips for letting go of anger:

  1. Acknowledge it
  2. Seek help. I'm a big believer in therapy.
  3. Channel it. Not only will exercise help you mentally but physically as well. Same with creative outlets like writing poetry and singing.
  4. Decide that you don't want to add hate to this world.
  5. Replace revenge and seeking justice with a plan to strive for a better life.

BW need to concentrate less on the negative things about us on the tv, radio and social media. Purge your life from the bull crap! What do you think WW, AW and HW do when they read a negative article or blogpost or someone makes a joke about them? Brush it off and keep doing them. They know they are desired and work on themselves to get the best in education, jobs and men. BW should do the same. We are desired, too. Men of all races love them some sistas, don't let butthurt BM or mammies tell you any different. You may have to move to Europe or change your whereabouts (move to a more populated places like NYC or London, get a job in a male-dominated field, hang out in social hangouts that you normally wouldn't) but there are men out there who not only like BW but prefer us. The next time a comedian makes a joke about BW, do not get riled up and give your energy to this fool! Make a note to make sure not to give this person your resources (time and money) and keep it moving. Let the BM spend his time fighting racism and let the white feminists spend their time fighting sexism. Both these groups have proven that they don't care about BW so forget them! You've got better things to do sista! Like building a fabulous life and enjoying the fruit of your labor and social climbing ;)

From now on, I want you to pledge to yourself that you will dedicate your time to things that are beneficial to your emotional, mental, financial, education and romantic well-being. Despite what you may have heard, BW are naturally beautiful, feminine, intelligent, sexy and creative. We deserve better but to get better we must learn how to respect and love ourselves.

Here is a list of what I will be concentrating on. I'd like for you to take a look at it and come up with your own list of what you'd like to do with all the free time that you have now.

  1. Obtaining an advanced degree.
  2. Visiting at least 4 more countries.
  3. Having a fun and memorable wedding.
  4. Losing weight.
  5. Finishing the list of books I want to read.
  6. Becoming more cultured.
  7. Starting a non-profit.
  8. Creating multiple streams of income.
  9. Buying my first house.
  10. Expanding my skill set for access to better jobs and more opportunities for side businesses.
  11. Learning a third or fourth language.
  12. Improving my water color painting skills.
  13. Blogging.
  14. Building a fabulous wardrobe.
  15. Learning more about fashion and making my own clothing.
  16. Growing my hair to waist length.
  17. Publish my own cookbook.


If you have any questions or comments, leave a comment below and I will get back to you. I can also be reached at enlightenedfemme (at) gmail.com

Sunday, August 3, 2014

The BW's Guide to Escaping Poverty

It's no secret that Black people know what struggle is. We've been struggling since we were brought to this continent and continue to do so. We have the freedom our slave ancestors didn't have but many of us aren't taking advantage of this freedom. I believe part of it is their is a system to keeping us down, in low paying jobs so we can fry the burgers and mop the floors that other people use. But among the Black community, especially the African-American community, there is a system to keep each other down! There is a theory called "crabs in a barrel". It's defined as a syndrome where a group of people hurt those in their community attempting to get ahead. The collective community becomes jealous so they find ways to pull others down so they can all stay at the bottom.

This applies to both genders but to Black women, we are ridiculed more for getting out of poverty/the hood because we are seen as the backbone. We are expected to birth Black babies, to take care of BM emotionally, sexually and financially and everything else. The community's problems are on our backs! Our girls are neglected and left to fend for themselves while we make excuse after excuse for BM, instead of teaching them to be real men. How many times have you heard someone accuse someone else of "trying to keep the Black man down" or letting a BM get away with doing horrible things by saying we can't "lock another brotha up"? How many times have you seen BM or even other BW defend a Black woman's femininity or her civil rights? How often do you see the Black community protecting our girls from rape, harassment and abuse? It's always our fault! 


It is time for Black women to take care of ourselves first. It's not our responsibility to solve all of the community's issues by ourselves. For the Black community to thrive, there needs to be equal effort from both sides and that's not going to happen soon. Trying to pull BM along on the rise is like pulling dead weight. There are good BM out there but it would be THE WISE THING TO DO WOULD BE TO FOCUS ON YOUR OWN PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT, SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEPEND ON HANDOUTS, THE GOVERNMENT OR EVEN YOUR OWN HUSBAND. Being a strong, independent woman doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's good to be emotionally strong and financially independent.

*IF YOU ARE YOUNG, UNDER-EMPLOYED, AND/OR NOT MARRIED, HIGHLY SUGGEST NOT HAVING CHILDREN. THEY ARE EXPENSIVE AND TIME CONSUMING IF YOU AREN'T ALREADY FINANCIALLY STABLE. BY STABLE, I MEAN MAKING ENOUGH TO NOT WORRY ABOUT HOW TO MAKE ENDS MEET. ITS NOT SMART TO BRING CHILDREN INTO THIS WORLD IF YOU CANNOT EVEN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY OR ESPECIALLY FINANCIALLY. BEING A SINGLE MOM IS NOT EASY SO DO NOT DO IT TO YOURSELF. YOU WILL BE SETTING YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD UP FOR "THE STRUGGLE" AND THAT'S NOT FAIR TO THAT CHILD. BIRTH CONTROL IS FREE!!!!!*

STEP #1: Decide that you deserve better!
The BW's relationship with the inner city is like one of domestic violence. It mistreats you, degrades and abuses you yet you still stay. It could be that some women think that's where they belong! No one belongs somewhere that doesn't suit their needs. Or it could be that you are comfortable there. That's not a good excuse though because if you have not experienced different, how do you know where you belong? How do you know there's not a better place out there? I promise you there is. This is a big world filled with interesting places, people and things. Google "the wanderlust project". It's a blog ran by a black woman who teaches abroad in Asian countries. She is gaining life experience, learning and trying new things as well as meeting new people she would have never met here in America! BW like her are inspirational, not the cast of the RHOA! Lol You can do whatever you put your mind to and I know for sure BW are creative, resourceful and intelligent so there's no reason why you can't accomplish your goals if you put your heart into it.

STEP #2: Leave toxic situations/relationships.
It can be dangerous leaving people behind if they were doing you no good. There are countless stories of women leaving abusive relationships and getting murdered. Not just from romantic relationships but from family and friends. When I decided to go to college, my own family members tried to convince me not to; they wanted me to work and help pay bills while my brothers and male cousins lived at home (free of cost) and chased women and worked on their dreams to be rappers (I'm being dead serious). When I refused, I was tossed away and left to fend for myself at 17. It was a tough road doing it myself but I made it and so did many other BW. So can you!

Here are some resources:
Housing
http://coabode.org/ <---- Check this out if you are a single mother. You can share a living space with another single mother and save money/put your resources together to get out of your current situation.

http://www.thehotline.org/ or 1-800-799-7233<----for domestic violence victims. Please don't be afraid to get help. Your life (and children's lives) depend on it. There is help for you.

https://www.onecpd.info/homelessness-assistance/resources-for-homeless-persons/ <----resource for homeless or people at risk of being homeless

Also, local churches (mainly Catholic) help those in need, whether it is rent, food, shelter, etc. You do not have to be of faith but from what I've seen, some do expect you to attend church if you are living in their housing.

For young women, I highly suggest looking into programs like:
Jobcorps (http://www.jobcorps.gov/home.aspx) <--- housing, job training, helps with finding employment after training and will even pay for a year at community college (some campuses, not all)

Youth Build (https://youthbuild.org/) <--- I'm not sure if they provide housing but they work with low income youth so they probably have resources to seek housing for participants

California Conservation Corps (http://www.ccc.ca.gov/Pages/default.aspx) <--- they house and pay you to do environmental work. The pay is not the best but you get to gain job experience, knowledge of the environment, housing and a stipend.

 STEP #3: Obtain legal employment.
No matter how sucky the pay, you need money. An hourly job won't get you completely out of poverty but it could keep you off the street, keep your belly full and help you while you pursue a higher education.

Some places still use paper applications but technology is taking over. Here are some websites that posts vacant jobs:

craigslist.org
indeed.com
snagajob.com
monster.com

*Also, some companies don't post that they are hiring because they don't want to sort through a bunch of applications. Cold calling works too. Look up what companies are in your area, call to see if they are looking to hire or even go in and ask yourself.

Here are a list of companies that I know hire at 16 and up:
McDonald's
Forever 21
Panera Bread
Baskin Robbins
Marshall's/TJ Maxx
Papa John's
JcPenney
KFC
Boston Market
Einstein's/Noah's Bagels
Burger King
Arby's
Chick-fil-A
Jamba Juice
Walmart
Target
and many other fast food, retail places.

I'm not sure if these programs below provide housing but they are still FREE programs that provide work experience and a paycheck. They all have experience working with people from low-income backgrounds. There is an age limit, though. If you don't qualify they will most likely point you in the direction of some place that will help you with your trade, education, employment goals.

Americorps (americorps.gov)
City Year (cityyear.org)
Student Conservation Association (thesca.org)

STEP #4: Learn a trade!
Not only will having a certificate and/or an AA degree increase your pay but you can also work for yourself. You can get a certificate at a trade school but beware that for-profit schools are usually expensive and can be a scam. A local community college or apprenticeship can give you a certificate or AA at little to no cost. Chances are, if you are using this guide, you qualify for some sort of financial aid.

Here are some ideas/examples:
Cosmetology certificate-can be attained by attending a trade school, community college or through apprenticeship. With this certificate you can work in a salon, work from home or work for a cosmetics company at a beauty counter or store like MAC, Salon Centric, MACY's or Nordstrom. This trade has a stigma but there is a lot of money to be made in the beauty industry. After you gain some experience you can even own a beauty supply store (check your state's requirements for business licenses) or start your own hair care company. With social media nowadays, there are many ways to solicit customers.

Construction-this can be attained by community college or apprenticeship. I know what you are thinking: "A man's job?" It doesn't have to be! The labor union in the city of San Francisco encourages women and minorities to apply for the apprenticeship. So as a BW you definitely have a chance of getting it. It starts off at $22/hr and 40 hours a week and you get paid weekly. A friend of mine did it and even though she was capable of pulling her own weight on the work site, they trained her to be an elevator electrician. Her small size and flexibility (due to being a woman lol) helped her as an elevator electrician and she makes over $60/hr. She is is only 23!

Real estate-local community college or classes at Adult School. Lot's of people attempt this and fail. It's not for everyone but the information is useful to know. There's a lot of money in real estate, especially commercial real estate! After you finish your classes, I highly suggest seeking a mentor who works in a higher end market.

Here are some others:
Dental hygienist
Medical secretary
Paralegal
Web Developer
Court stenographer
Administrative Assistant
Notary
Insurance Agent
Bookkeeper

STEP #5: Set goals!
Now that you have gotten out of your current situation, it would be wise to ensure that you are never in the poorhouse/hood again. Saving money, no matter how small, is important in case of emergencies. Also, seeking higher education is very very important. Having an AA degree/certificate is good for getting a non-minimum wage job or starting a business but having at least a bachelor's or masters will not only increase your pay and employability but a college education helps you to become a well rounded person. If you like the current field you work in, you can obtain a degree in that field.

For example, you are a bookkeeper and love your job but want to move up. You can go to college and major in Finance or Accounting. That degree will widen your options, career wise.

If you are in the labor/construction field, you can get a business degree and own your own construction company. Or you could major in civil engineering and build communities in undeveloped areas or even move to a different country and work there!

The possibilities are endless with a college degree! It takes a lot of time and money to get one but it's possible. Don't stress yourself out. If you cannot afford to go full time, then you can attend class part time after work or take some of your classes online. Progress is progress. For help paying for it, there are scholarships, grants and even loans you can take out to help you.

Visit:
fafsa.gov
fastweb.org


STEP #6 Invest and save!
When you are living paycheck to paycheck it is impossible to save. Even people who have five or six digit incomes have a hard time saving because of the necessary expenses like rent, food, car notes, insurance, etc. Start off slow, like adding $1 to your savings account. Next week, $2, then $5, then $10.

Here are some tips:
-live with roommates. With the right people it will be more affordable. The extra money you have left over you can save or invest in other things, like going to college or buying reliable transportation or paying off a debt
-coupon. There are a myriad of resources available online. Just google "how to coupon" or "couponing for beginners"
-turn your hobby into a side job. If you are skilled in something, you can use it as an opportunity to make extra cash. Good with babies? Babysit on the evenings or weekends? Can you do makeup? Make a facebook page of your work and network for birthday, prom and wedding gigs. Get creative
-shop at discount stores and never pay retail price. If you must have it, buy it online and use websites like ebates.com or ebay.com or look for online coupons
-buy clothing at thrift stores in wealthier neighborhoods. They will have name brands like J. Crew or even designer clothing. I've found some brand new clothing that still had the tag on it
-look up consumer testing in your area. You can test snack as well as video games and receive payment for your participation. I have taste tested iced coffee, strawberry shortcake ice dream, granola and energy drinks for $50 each as well as playing video games for $75 gift cards. Be wary of skin products, though.

Currently, interest rates on savings accounts are at the all time low but it would be wise to research your options for savings accounts. I will do a post on this later but it won't hurt to take a trip to the library and read books about investments.

I hope this guide was useful for those of you looking for a way out of poverty. If you know someone who needs help, please send them this post. If you have any more ideas, leave a comment and I will add it to this post. Thank you!!!