tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67519326532669486142024-03-05T17:10:25.966-08:00Young, Brown and FeminineEnlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-37379434102064863402018-07-14T12:48:00.003-07:002018-07-14T12:48:46.975-07:00I'm backHello there! I'm not going to bore you with an update but I am back to blogging. I am putting together a blogging schedule and am taking requests. My email is always open: enlightenedfemme@gmail.com<br />
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*kisses*Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-88560858130308376512016-01-02T19:32:00.001-08:002016-01-02T19:32:58.650-08:002016 + Creating habits<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">The start of a new year promises new habits, new experiences, a new life. I am definitely excited for another year of love, health, abundance and self-growth. Are you? I hope so!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">It has been talked about on facebook and blogs that bw need to stop supporting communities that not only not support us but play a hand in our degradation and erasure. How many "good black men" publicly stand up for us? How many feminist groups protect and uplift black womanhood as much as they do their own? What gay or trans groups admit to mocking us and appropriating our look and style and actively speak up about it? I can't think of any.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">Let the year 2016 be a year free of:</span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">-believing that marriage is just a piece of paper. ha! Marriage is security and safety IF YOU CHOOSE WELL.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">-believing that being a mother makes you more of a woman.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">-believing that interracial relationships are the end all be all.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">-supporting bm, even the "good ones" because if he was good he would be holding the other bm accountable</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">-supporting feminism. No explanation needed on this one</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">-supporting gay and trans rights (<a href="http://www.lipstickalley.com/showthread.php/970029-White-Men-will-be-considered-quot-Real-Women-quot-before-Black-women-in-America" target="_blank">read this</a>). I live in SF and am around gays/trans "women" all the time. They are out for self just like anyone else and don't give a damn about the black women they emulate, appropriate and mock. Eff em!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">-deserting/not supporting other bw. If you need to buy something that you can't make yourself, but it from another bw even if you have to pay more</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">-money issues. Black people are not as poor as it seems, we just spend more than we make, don't the keep the money in the bw community and fail to invest properly. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">-crappy rap/hip hop music</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">-hate. Let 2016 be the year you learn to love black womanhood for what it is: the basis of all womanhood. We are the first women to grace this beautiful earth yet it looks like we are the quickest to be erased (besides native american women who literally have no representation in the media and most other places, unfortunately). Smile at another bw when you pass by on the street and stick up for her when she needs it. I see this all the time in the Bay Area. Bw will see you get humiliated, talked down to or accused of theft in a retail store and say nothing but let it a "brotha" and they will turn into pitbulls with law degress in .02 seconds SMH</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">Also, let the year 2016 be the year that you:</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">-get to know not only yourself but your image. How do people see you and how does this affect the way they interact with you? For instance, are you an introvert and come off as self-absorbed so people avoid you? Are you a vixen who cannot go anywhere without attracting attention so drama follows you everywhere? Are you seductive or do you turn people off? More on this when I start posting about the Art of Seduction this spring :)</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">-Keep your income, love life and goals to yourself. When people know how much money you make, they know how much they can count on you ($$) in their times of need. Unfortunately, people will use your kindness to take advantage and you will become an ATM for your less-ambitious friends and family. Also, keep your romance to yourself. I used to watch a bw on youtube when I was in high school. She swirled and would show off her husband. One scrubscriber even created a video slideshow of the couple. What a nice fan, right? While she was deployed, that subscriber flew down and began an affair with her husband! And now they (shady subscriber and shitty hubby) are married and expecting children SMH this can happen to anyone regardless if you are parading your man around or not. My friends know that I am married but they don't know any details like our fights or his like/dislikes.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">Now all this is good and dandy but will not work unless we make a conscious decision to make these stick. How can that be done? Making it a habit. When you do things over and over it becomes natural after a while :) Like when we first learned how to walk or drive...it was awkward and even scary at first but eventually we got the hang of it, right?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">2016 you are your own project. This kind of a repost of a previous blog entry but I thought I would repost it again as it is fits.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">1. Purchase a planner. Try Target or walmart for a cheap one (I do) or customize your own on <a href="http://www.personal-planner.com/US/" target="_blank">Personal Planner</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">2. Set aside a time to make a list of specific steps needed to reach intended goal. If your goal is to lose weight, create a list of healthy foods and keep a copy of it in your planner for your grocery shopping trips. If your goal is to keep a cleaner house, write down a short list of things to do in your planner each day to maintain cleanliness.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">3. Do research and take notes. I am an avid Amazon kindle reader. I read reviews for books and order them based on recommendations. I always take notes. I've been doing this for years and these books have helped me lose weight, find a man of means ($$$) to marry, get a better job, etc. For books on specific topics, leave a comment or email and I'll recommend some for you!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">4. Do something everyday that will bring you closer to your goal. Your planner should have at least one thing that is part of your personal development, meaning you should be blocking out time everyday for yourself such as working out, preparing wholesome meals, reading, socializing, etc. You can even set an alarm on your phone to remember!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">5. Get a buddy to help. Find someone who can hold you accountable and motivate you. Look on Meetup.com, search for facebook groups or even post on craigslist to find a platonic friend who has a similar goal. Maybe you can email and communicate to motivate each other and share tips/successes.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif;">6. See a therapist. I've talked about mental health before and for good reason. Bw have been programmed to be so dysfunctional that we don't even recognize the faulty behavior.</span><br />
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I would like to share some books with you. I have read all these books several times over and recommend them. If you want I can also post highlights/most important info from them. Let me know in the comment section. I highly suggest you not only read them yourself but purchase them so you can have them in your possession for reference. I would keep them out of plain sight or download the kindle versions for privacy reasons.<br />
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-How to Marry the Rich (Ginie Polo-Sayles)<br />
-What Southern Women Know & What Southern Women Know About Flirting (Rhonda Rich)<br />
-Ho Tactics & Solving Single (G.L. Lambert)<br />
-The Art of Seduction (Robert Greene)<br />
-Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (John Gray, Ph.D.)<br />
-Getting Out: Your Guide to Leaving America (Mark Ehrman)<br />
-Delivering Knock Your Socks Off Service (Anderson & Zemke)<br />
-How To Win Friends & Influence People (Dale Carnegie)<br />
-The Total Woman (Marabel Morgan)<br />
-Getting to I Do (Dr. Patricia Allen)<br />
-Fascinating Womanhood (Helen Andalin)<br />
-How To Marry Money (Susan Wright)<br />
-Not Tonight Mr. Right (Kate Taylor)<br />
-Why Men Marry Bitches (Sherry Argov)<br />
-The Rules (Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider)<br />
-The Richest Man in Babylon (George S. Clason)<br />
-New Women's Dress for Success (John T. Molloy)<br />
-Fly Betty (Treasure E. Blue)<br />
-Family of Lies (Mary Monroe)<br />
-A Gold Digger's Guide (Baje Fletcher)<br />
-Date Rich Marry Well (Butta "Fly" Jonez)<br />
-The Power of Pussy 1 & 2 (Kara King)<br />
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I'm currently editing a post on health/eating habits and am trying to add links to resources so you won't have to google stuff yourself. It should be up by next week. I hope your New Years was fun and you are looking forward to a brand new year! TTYL<br />
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xoxo</div>
Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-19814759814418554082015-11-01T19:23:00.003-08:002015-11-01T19:23:44.298-08:00Black owned beauty companies<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">Here is a list of beauty companies I know of. This is the perfect time to check them out since the holidays are coming up! You can add it to your Christmas wishlist or buy some for your loved ones :) I added stars next to the ones I've personally used and endorse. If you know of more, leave a comment and I'll add it. I may even put this last as a sidebar on the blog.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: MV Boli;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: MV Boli;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">Hair:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">darcy's botanicals*</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">oyin handmade*</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">shea moisture*</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">dudley hair care</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">jane carter
solutions</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">ohemet biologics</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">komaza hair care*</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">bee mine</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">products of the
earth</span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">Skin:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">dermHA</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">Vienna's Herbal</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">Warm Spirit</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">Skin Salon Gold</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">Rx for Brown Skin*</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">Clear Essence</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">Soul Purpose</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">Emily Jayne
(butters)</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">Belle Butters</span></div>
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<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">Cosmetics:</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">iman*</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">fashion fair*</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">black opal*</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">ada cosmetics</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">shany</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">lamik</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">vera moore
cosmetics*** (my fav!)</span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: MV Boli;">blackup*</span></div>
Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-46632377212080182332015-11-01T19:09:00.000-08:002015-11-01T19:09:49.979-08:00Hello there!I took a much needed break from social media and this blog! After reading blogposts, facebook statuses and tweets from self-proclaimed bwe writers and supporters, I found myself becoming very bitter, angry and just all around unhappy. Some of these posts are thought provoking while some of them are just depressing. I began to feel that BW are equally as DBR as BM and that there's no point in continuing to blog about it. But the emails from you sweet ladies made me feel better! :)<br />
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However, I urge you to be careful of the forums, groups, and pages that you visit because after a while you cannot help but to believe the things people write. That and people can be cruel on the internet. You do not need to ingest negativity no matter who the source is!<br />
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For instance, I believe BW nowadays should focus on themselves and creating their best life possible! We have a lot of work to do as a collective to restore our honor and take care of ourselves. Obesity, unemployment, poverty, etc. are all heavy issues that will take some strategic planning and TIME to overcome. Now while I encourage BW to find husbands that are loving and good providers, <b>I do not look down on single black mothers</b>. I know things do not always work out as planned. Men leave, they change. It happens. Even if a woman has several children by several fathers, there is almost always some history of sexual abuse and mental illness in her past. This needs to be addressed and not ignored! Instead of posting pictures of single mothers and ranting about "the struggle" and how black women are addicted to it, why don't we offer resources for young black girls so they won't turn out like this!? Why do people go on and on about what BW need to do without actually giving advice on how to NOT do it!? It's very frustrating because these so called bwe pages/sites sound just like black men who talk about us! It's very sad and I feel like because of this the term "bwe" is no longer about being empowered but just upwardly-mobile BW to brag about how much better their lives are than "struggle mammies".<br />
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So I'm back from my hiatus and have some posts that I'm writing in time for the holidays. I hope your Halloween was fun and safe! I hosted a party at my home for the first time and it turned out fantastic. I quit my awful job and took an internship in child protective services but that was very depressing so I'm now unemployed. I get an allowance from my husband so I can continue to keep my nails, hair and wardobe looking nice. I'm just concentrating on finishing by bachelor's in Business so I can go to beauty school. My dream is to own a chain of full-service spas that specialize in ethnic skin/hair (the holistic approach of course, no botox injections lol). I have made some future-dermatologist friends on campus who are interested in it as well! You never know where the world will take you :)<br />
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Enjoy your Sunday and I look forward to posting again soon.<br />
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xoxoEnlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-70923039429827953472015-07-07T00:45:00.000-07:002015-07-07T00:45:19.222-07:00On Being DefensiveThank you for the emails with suggestions. I look forward to making more posts and to hearing from you all. I have made a list of what you want to read and I will do my best to get them out in a timely manner. Here is something I wrote while bored in my history class last quarter (I HATE HISTORY BY THE WAY lol.)<br />
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"Minds are like parachutes, they work better when they are open."<br />
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I observe BW. Online and in person. I not only observe what people say about BW but what BW say to themselves, to other people, about themselves, about other ppl, about other BW, etc. and I have noticed that<u> it is very VERY easy to upset a BW!</u> Not only is it easy but for some people it is fun. Yes, seeing a BW go off is a source of entertainment for some. I know there are people who lurk BW-centered FB pages and blogs and find it entertaining all the crazy stuff people talk about. "BM only like light skinned/white women!" "BM made me feel bad my whole life, I hate BM!" It's drama and it's useless to be honest because what is the point in sharing your pain with the world? The world doesn't deserve to see it because they don't know how to handle it! Our position as BW is a unique one. Very few people (writers, poets, singers) have expressed it accurately so society does not understand or care. <i>Your pain, anger, inner turmoil should be reserved for a professional who can help you get rid of it and understand it, such a psychiatrist or a therapist. Someone who can help you grow and function well enough that you are achieving your goals and dreams.</i><br />
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But anyway...<br />
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<b>Don't let your defensiveness get in the way of getting what you want!</b> I have noticed that many BW<i> emotionally over-respond</i> especially online. It is best to STOP being defensive and learn to grab opportunities while they are around and IGNORE things that do not apply to you. You can be offended by something and not respond!<br />
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I say continue to read and study materials that will help you (dating, fitness, financial) even if they don't focus on you or if they say something that you don't agree with because t<b>he information is what you want, not the attention or the coddling. You don't have to agree with everything, not everyone has the same views as you and that's okay as long as you get what you need from it.</b><br />
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There is a dating blog from a guy's perspective that I like. He is genuinely trying to help women. I find his advice spot on but on one post he said that BW's beautiful bodies and other features make up for "imperfect hair". In the comment section there were BW who are upset with the term he used. While I don't agree with the way he said it, I respect his opinion. WHY? Because I don't expect a WM who has never (as far as I know) dated a BW to appreciate our natural hair. He said straight hair looks better on all women which is what a lot of American men think. They grew up with sexualized tv ads and magazines shoving European beauty standards down their throat so of course that's what they want! I feel like Americans are brainwashed in some sort of way but that's for another day ;) While I think straight long hair can look great on some BW depending on her bone structure, it's not the best style for everyone. I think<b> hair is a touchy subject for most BW and we shouldn't get mad at others for not understanding how much of a big deal it is.</b> Hair topics always strike a nerve with BW and I understand completely. <b>We have a reason to be upset over being judged by something we were conditioned to hate and see in a bad light.</b> Most of us were permed and hot combed at an age too young to know what was going on. But guess what? <b>Other people don't have this experience and don't understand why it's such a big deal so when you get upset or go off they don't understand that either and will get defensive as well.</b> <i>My advice is to remind yourself of our unique position in society and give other people the benefit of the doubt when they are misinformed or say something ignorant.</i><br />
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BE OPEN to knowledge and advice from all places and viewpoints because there is always something you can take away from it. The easiest way for me is to think of myself is as a project. I made a list of<b> things I wanted to change about myself, a list of criticism I have heard from other people and a list of things possessed by the ideal woman I want to be</b>. I suggest making one for yourself. <u>Once you understand what you need to improve on and why as well as the benefits of improvement, you will feel less self-conscious and when someone brings up your weakness (even in a rude way) you will think to yourself (I already know and I'm working on it!). You won't get defensive and will respond in a classy way instead of with anger.</u><br />
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Ex:<br />
Random woman in Target: "You are too young to have a belly, girl. I wouldn't let my daughter let herself go like that"<br />
You:"B&%^$ you don't know me! You are so rude, who do you think you are!?"<br />
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or<br />
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Random woman in Target: "You are too young to have a belly, girl. I wouldn't let my daughter let herself go like that"<br />
You: "Well, I've been working out lately and can't wait to see the results! What does your daughter do to stay fit? I'd love to know *smiles*"<br />
Random woman: *confused that they weren't cursed out* *walks away*<br />
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Now that example is a little silly but I've seen similar interactions. People who are rude towards BW aren't just racist people but anyone who is aware how easy it is to tick off a BW. It's a source of entertainment for some, unfortunately. While I don't believe we can prevent people from coming at us sideways, we can change the way we react to it. Not only does it deter those people from attempting to make you uncomfortable again, but also lets potential dates or platonic friends from both genders know that you are kind, non-argumentative, open-minded and even-tempered. Who wants to be friends with someone who gets upset easily?<br />
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You may be thinking, what does it matter what other people think, only what I think of myself matters! That's not the whole truth. You should be content with yourself but what other certain people think does matter because friends are important, your relationship with your boss and colleagues are important, your relationship with your landlord is important, etc. <b><i><u>Your attitude and ability to interact with people contribute to your reputation and trust me, a woman who cannot hold her temper, take constructive criticism, ignore and/ or deflect shade determines your ability to network and move ahead.</u></i></b> No one wants to be around someone who is hyper-sensitive and is a ticking time bomb for a temper tantrum.<br />
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And if that person's comment doesn't pertain to you or isn't true, you can brush it off your shoulders. Believe it or not, bullying doesn't end in middle school. There are grown people walking around with a chip on their shoulders and they go out of their way to be rude and insult others. Being mean makes some people feel good. It's not your fault at all so just brush it off your beautiful shoulders and don't take it personally :)<br />
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The biggest hurdle in self-improvement is being strong enough to look inside yourself and be honest. I have faith that you can improve yourself even though I don't know you. How? Because the simple fact that you are reading this blog and others shows that you are interested in letting go, engaging with other BW, learning and setting goals for yourself and moving forward.<br />
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The point of this post is to say that <u>when you take offense to something very easily it is because you are over- sensitive to it.</u> <i>You have a vested interest in it and that is holding you back from seeing the truth and reacting accordingly. Your personal goal should be to recognize when this is happening and nip it in the bud. When you feel yourself getting upset, remind yourself that your emotions can make you react in the wrong way and that if you think more logically at this time, you can get a better reaction and diffuse the situation.</i> I would like to see more of my Black/biracial sisters react to haters in a more confident, controlled and even playful way. The next time someone says something rude to you just take a deep breath and smile, even if you are angry! Show your pretty smile and either say nothing at all or something polite and vague. "You think so? Interesting...." Then sashay away ^_^<br />
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Talk to you all tomorrow!<br />
xoxo<br />
<br />Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-147316106534245122015-06-30T10:38:00.001-07:002015-06-30T10:38:19.461-07:00Still hereI just took my last final of the quarter a couple weeks ago and took a week-long vacation with my husband. I finally settled in to my summer internship and am ready to come back and publish more posts! I have some drafted up and need to finish them up but I would also like to know what you want to read.<br />
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I have gotten a few comments about more femininity posts as well as nutrition. Please leave a comment or shoot me an email if you'd like to request something. Remember, I am not a professional (yet) but I do have quite a bit of experience in a multitude of things (immigration, military, work, volunteering, dating, etc) and am a voracious reader. Actually, I went camping during spring break and learned quite a bit on herbs and safety in the wild, so I wrote down to make a post on that.<br />
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Anyway, I look forward to connecting with you ladies more and hope to hear from you!<br />
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My email is enlightenedfemme (at) gmail.com<br />
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xoxoEnlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-38741994572980489702015-03-30T22:01:00.000-07:002015-03-30T22:01:44.115-07:00A note about "swirling" and dating in generalThis quarter was very intense and that is why I update so sporadically. I can't promise to post more often but I will be spending spring break making posts and hopefully put them on a posting schedule. I don't want to come across insensitive or lacking in empathy but I have something that I would like to have a conversation about something:<br />
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There is an article of a BW moaning about having a hard time dating online. She sounded depressed, disappointed and insecure that she had no luck. While I feel bad that she is having a hard time, I am kind of annoyed with articles like this because they make us BW look desperate and it doesn't solve anything! What is the point? To make people feel bad enough for you to date you? And this isn't the only one either. I see it all the time on tumblr. BW whining about being unwanted and sometimes disrespected while searching for a partner. Now I can empathize with some of these girls because I know how hard it was to find a suitable partner. I'm not going to sugar coat things. Dating in general is hard but swirling is even harder because not only do you have to vet out the users, cheaters and abusers but also the undercover racists, men with fetishes or the ones who just want to experiment or use BW as a back up plan. Do you know what is more unattractive than a woman who is morbidly obese, crude or boring? An insecure woman with a victim complex who is going to bitch and moan over something that can be changed. Am I saying this is all her fault? No! I'm saying that it makes you look bad to complain on a public platform about something that happens to thousands of women every day. Learn how to accept rejection and move on. See what you could do differently and take another approach to reach your goal. Online dating not working out? Try actually leaving your home. My friends and I had more successful love lives when we got off the computer and into actual settings that put us in the position to mingle with high-quality men.<br />
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The thing is, people are watching and paying attention. They are noticing that not only are BW opening up their dating options (a good thing) but some are desperate enough to accept anything that's not black (every seen a single black mom with a swarm of mixed-race babies and no ring?). I saw it myself years ago when I joined an online dating website after being stationed at a new base. This guy wrote on his profile that he is not worried about having to put up with a WW's bullshit because knows there are many many asian and black women who are at his beck-and-call. *eye roll* I've also been approached by an underemployed man with bad hygiene who expected me to just give him a chance because most BW never marry anyway and he's "willing" to date me. LMFAO! I just giggled and acted like he never said it. So because there's a chance that we never marry that we are supposed to lower our standards? Heck no...<br />
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Dating, unfortunately, is a game. A hard game and it takes a lot of research, practicing and strategy to master it. Everyone faces rejection in one way or another. As BW, who some see as the bottom of the totem pole, rejection is inevitable. Some people are downright cruel. I found a fitness forum that had a "general discussion" section and a recent thread was of a young WM asking ppl what to put in his free dating profile so that BW would stop sending him messages. Do you know what the responses were? To be as cruel and nasty as he wanted to be to these women because they are over stepping a boundary that shouldn't be crossed. How dare they think they are good enough for him! Why should he date a girl who's hair he couldn't even run his hands through? He even posted screenshots of the messages he got (which weren't inappropriate or strange, just regular friendly/flirty) and they all laughed at them and even decided to make accounts just to troll these women. SMH it made me furious! But then I reminded myself that this is the internet, where people show their hidden colors. Now I don't think all non-BM are racist and cruel but I just don't want young BW to think that because a few BW celebrities successfully swirled that it is easy-peasy. In fact, you may find that you find a suitable BM to be courted by and marry! You never know!<br />
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As much as I advocate for BW to expand their dating options, I want BW to be realistic. Swirling is not all rainbows and lollipops and it is not for everyone. This is America. Racism and prejudice is America's theme. Non-BM are not magical unicorns, they can be DBR's too. It may take years, moving into a new city, total life makeover etc. before you meet a potential partner but if you put in effort, you will reap the rewards. And that works for every aspect of your life. It helps immensely to learn to take things in stride, learn how to play the game and be strategic. Here are a few tips I have:<br />
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-don't send out messages. Let the men come to you. Focus on writing a nice profile that doesn't give out too much info about you, having attractive photos that not only show off your face but your fit body in an appropriate way (in a classy cocktail dress or gown, a flowing skirt) and know how to come across as mysterious and not spill the beans.<br />
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-don't go back and forth too much. Don't let him make you a message-buddy, a woman he only talks to when he's bored. If he doesn't ask you out within 10 messages, stop responding until he actually asks you out on a real date to a real place, not his couch to watch netflix and "get to know each other", which is code for "find out if you are easy to get into bed" All the women I know who have accepted such dates ended up being seduced Lol.<br />
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-don't say anything in your profile that bashes BM, it's unattractive and immature because it shows that you have baggage. Nothing like "I am into interracial dating only so if you aren't ____ don't bother" or "I'm don't date BM because they think they are better than me" (I've seen this one lol) or anything like that. Just ignore the messages you get from men you aren't interested in and that goes for other things like men of a certain age group, in a certain work field, etc. There are other ways to let men know you are down with the swirl. I personally used to put that I have traveled extensively and am learning multiple languages and would like to meet someone who has is as well. Believe it or not that pretty much narrowed it down to WM and AM who were adventurous, had a degree and were comfortable career-wise (it's probably because you have to be financially stable to travel a lot). Which brings me to my next point:<br />
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-the best places to meet men are in places that go with travelling, money, business and science. By that I mean airports, high end lounges in airports or hotels, banks, auctions, science conventions etc. I actually got a part time job while in the military at an airport lounge as a cocktail waitress and I met my ex-bf there. He was a med-school student from the East Coast who was on his way to a residency interview. He gave me his business card and I never called him. He actually came back to the lounge before going home to chat me up. I acted like I never said I would call him, I flirted and smiled, had a fun convo like nothing ever happened. I said I would keep in contact but I didn't because I wanted to see if he was the type of guy to go after what he wanted and I was right. He actually called my job one weekend and asked my manager if he could speak to me! He came back for residency the next fall and we started dating. He ended up being a sweetheart and spoiled me so rotten. It was a nice change from the wanna-be Eminem's I dated in high school! Yep, stay away from the Malibu's Most Wanted types, sistas, they are nothing but immature losers that have absorbed the bad part of Black Culture via disgusting rap music.<br />
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-Don't date when you are desperately lonely. I think it's understandable to want some romance in your life but loneliness is easy to spot and can make you a target for users and abusers. Don't respond to online messages during the weekends, that's just telling them that you don't have anything to fill your precious time with. Wait until the weekend is over and respond. Don't apologize and be like :"sorry I was so busy I had to ____ and then I ___" You have nothing to apologize for (you don't owe him anything) and it's none of his business what you did that weekend. If he wanted to know he would ask ;) There are men out there who love lonely women because they are easy to take advantage of sexually, financially and emotionally. These are the type of men who will exploit you emotionally and convince you to do things like put things he wants in your name and mess up your credit LOL It is best to start dating when you already have some things going on such as work, running your business, school, etc. That way, you won't have the time or energy to fret over every little thing. You won't over a text that wasn't responded to right away or feel insecure if he is out getting to know someone else. Confidence will enable you to not care about these things because you will know that you are high quality yourself and if he knows what's good for him he will make an effort to get to know such a creature ;) I also suggest you date more than one guy at once. By dating I mean letting him take you out, getting to know each other by talking on the phone (instead of endless text conversations) or in person. This keeps you from settling with a guy because he was your only option at the time.<br />
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-Notice that I didn't say anything about sex? Since you will be getting courted by more than one guy, you shouldn't be having sex until you know who you want to be with exclusively. Now I have brought this up in real life before and it made some women mad. How dare I advise not to sleep with a man soon after meeting him! Why does this upset people so much? I'm not saying there's a timeline to when you should sleep with a guy as everyone has different comfort levels. I'm saying it's not wise to sleep with a man very soon, especially if you are dating more than one (as you should). Us women are emotional creatures and whether we like it or not, sex is more than just sex. We absorb the other person's feelings for us. If you start a sexual relationship with a man right away how do you know that you really want to be with him or if you are just infatuated because he is good in bed? It's best to think logically and make sure that he actually lives up to your standards before you give your body to him. Ideally the man will be looking for a partner/relationship and more than just sex so it won't bug him to actually get to know you first. In fact, you shouldn't be seeing him in places that aren't in public until you know if he is looking for a real relationship with you. Until then keep it PG and do normal things like wine tasting, sight seeing, going to the boardwalk, movies, art exhibits, etc.<br />
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Those are just some things that I thought I would share. This post was really random but I see that a lot of BW (at least online) are lost when it comes to the dating world. In a nutshell: toss those rejections aside like they never happened, continue learning about man-women relationship dynamics and improving yourself, research and follow "The Rules" (a book), and don't focus on your failures/bad experiences. Everyone has them and it's best not to showcase your woe-is-me attitude to the world because it is pointless and solves nothing.<br />
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Until next time,<br />
xoxoEnlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-21597384699573470512015-02-08T20:07:00.001-08:002015-02-08T20:07:41.759-08:00Some cute thingsHere are some cute things that will (hopefully) make you smile and get you in the mood to face tomorrow. Why is monday such a dreaded day? lol<br />
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Valentine's day is coming up! I'm excited as I love to celebrate each holiday. I have some ideas for things to do for couples as well as single ladies that I plan to post. I hope you enjoy your week, I have some more posts schedule for next week. Treat yourself well. xoxoEnlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-79826203708735627302015-01-19T17:39:00.000-08:002015-01-19T17:39:49.552-08:00Some harsh truths<u>I want 2015 to be the year of growth abundance and change for BW.</u> But I've got to be real. There's a lot of whining that goes on in online black women spaces. Now I've experienced some tough times like most BW have. The harassment, bullying, misogynoir (spelling?), and have noticed the anti-bw propaganda in the media. But I have noticed that that's all BW want to focus on. It's to the point where I believe most BW are content with being mules and everyone else's step ladder and want to live dysfunctional lives. I have more hope for the younger generations to come because they are waking up.<br />
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<b>1. Not everything is so black and white.</b> Literally. As a BW, the black community isn't your ally and believe it or not the white community isn't as progressive as people claim is to be. Take it from someone who's lived in California, the most "liberal" state of them all, for a while now. Don't be alarmed by this but noone is really in our corner, even fellow BW. Take the BW who shamed accomplished Gabby Douglas for her hair or started a petition for Beyonce to "fix" her daughter's kinks. Upwardly mobile BW only have like minded upwardly mobile BW in our corner. Seek these sisters out and befriend them. You need a network of support. <i>There are people out there of all races that will be good friends, coworkers, business partners and love interests but no one race of people is going to be there for you. Deal with people on a one-on-one basis.</i><br />
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<b>2. No one is going to fix you.</b> Your past and insecurities that keeps creeping up on you is your responsibility to deal with. Do you think that people will treat you better knowing that you have been hurt in the past? Nope. Accept it and take action. Make goals for yourself, seek therapy. <i>Help yourself because noone else will put in the effort to do it.</i><br />
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<b>3. Being a "good person" doesn't earn you brownie points.</b> What goes around doesn't always come back around. You can be the sweetest person ever and still get screwed over. The man who cheated on you with your best friend may not suffer for it. He may even fall in love with her and have a happy marriage with 2.5 kids and a dog. It sucks but it's true. Be a good person for yourself and to spread goodness in this world. <i>Don't expect good things to happen to you just because you followed the 10 commandments.</i><br />
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<b>4. Speaking of religion, be wary. Very wary.</b> We've already established that the black community does not care for BW. Well the church ain't much different. In fact, I would say that Christianity was the worst thing to happen to Black people. Christianity has made blacks complacent in their own demise. "Keep praying and God will make a way". No he won't. <i>You have to make yourself a way.</i> Obtaining the life you want requires a lot of work and effort and when you get to where you want to be you should pat yourself on the back and not thank some imaginary white man in the sky. This may offend you but it's the truth.<br />
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<b>5. The past is already written.</b> There's nothing you can do about it unfortunately. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and make an effort to not do it again. Forget about what was done to you but don't forget the way it made you feel. Don't let someone's else's actions towards you determine your self worth. It's hard and may sound nearly impossible but it's necessary for a healthy mind. The messed up things that someone has done to you is a reflection of THEM. I know there are a lot of BW living their lives without confronting the fact that they were molested and/or bullied. <i>You can't change what happened to you but you need to take care of it or else it will eat you alive.</i> You will be laying awake in bed at night thinking about what happened. You will be walking around with a mean mug and being hypersensitive. You may even develop a hunger for violence to hurt people like they hurt you. That's not the answer. Therapy is. All you can do is move on. Time machines don't exist.<br />
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<b>6. No one has all the answers you need.</b> I for sure don't. There is much advice out there for specific things you need but there's no step-by-step guide out there that's going to help you find happiness. <i>Firsthand experience and self reflection will give you all the help you need to grow.</i><br />
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<b>7. Money doesn't solve all problems, just a lot of them.</b> Guess what happened when my income bracket increased? My whole life changed. I had access to better housing, colleges, jobs, I was less stressed and depressed because I wasn't worried over everything, I started to look better, I was in more beautiful surroundings, and because of all of this I was able to attract higher quality people into my life, including my dear husband and best friends. Living in poverty has been proven to make people develop mental illness. <i>Lavish lifestyles and wealthier people in general are demonized but there's nothing wrong with living in abundance as long as you aren't hurting people to get there.</i><br />
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<b>8. There's nothing you as an individual can do to save the BC nor is there anything you SHOULD do. </b>For decades the effort has been one sided and it ain't working so guess what? <i>Put that effort into saving yourself and the Black woman collective.</i> If BM were real men then they wouldn't need our help! Instead of protesting, picketing, marching and boycotting for a group of men who don't value you, do that for yourself and other BW. Our killers, stalkers, rapists and molesters need to be brought to justice! When you accept this and learn to live your life caping for YOURSELF and not someone who hates you, you will feel a huge burden off your back! Am I saying to write off BM as potential love interests, friends and business partners? Not entirely but you need to realize that they aren't our allies. Deal with people on a one-on-one basis.<br />
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<b>9. Black does crack.</b> Just not as much. <i>Take care of your body and it will take care of you.</i> You don't need to be a size 2 and have skin like Chili from TLC. Your body is a temple so treat it as such.<br />
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<b>10. Keeping it real isn't always the way to go.</b> Have you seen that skit in Chapelle's Show "When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong?" That's how "telling it like it is" goes in real life. It is a stereotype of BW to be loud and sassy and blunt and honestly I have found it to be true. Not all BW but this kind of behavior is glorified in the BC. Don't catch onto it. <i>Be tactful, hold your tongue sometimes and watch your delivery when giving constructive criticism or responding with criticism. </i><br />
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<b>11. Colorism, featurism and hair texturism were all here before we were. It goes waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back. </b>Think of all those black starlets back in the day. Dorothy Dandridge, Eartha Kitt, Shirley Bassett, Joesphine Baker, all of them are mixed/biracial and I believe that is why they were so famous. Don't get me wrong, I love their work but I know that had they been darker, or had broader features and coarser hair, they wouldn't have been so famous. BM wouldn't have helped get them into Hollywood and society wouldn't have accepted them. Its a harsh truth. Racism is above our heads and while I think we should all do our part by sticking together and protecting one another I know that whining about it does: NOTHING. Instead of whining about Beyonce, Zendaya, Draya Michele and other's being in the spotlight, how about this: Don't support them. Don't give your hard earned money in propping them up. Literally don't support so called BW who show no interest in solidarity. Act like they don't exist and observe how society reacts. It will be interesting. "I'm black enough to play Aaliyah". That's unacceptable and shouldn't be tolerated. I wonder if we funded more things like Dr.McStuffins, The Princess and the Frog and other things where the Black girl actually appeared Black, what would society do?<br />
<br />
<b>12. Men aren't perfect.</b> Knights in shining armor don't exist. Men aren't princes that come along and save your life. They are great partners and companions and I believe everyone deserves a healthy relationship but <i>if you expect a fairytale relationship then you will be surely disappointed.</i> Disney fooled us all :(<br />
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<b>13. There's nothing wrong with marrying up.</b> In fact, I suggest every upwardly mobile BW to do it. It was a standard for my future husband to make six figures and I'm not ashamed of it and refused to let anyone make me feel guilty.<br />
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<b>14. Your friends are a reflection of you.</b> The people you surround yourself with make or break you. When I joined the military I was surrounded by people who had drive, integrity and goals they wanted to accomplish. Every single one of those friends is living a functioning life as far as I know. No babydaddy drama, no huge money problems, they travel, they are positive and uplifting. People like this can be found in college, at libraries, at seminars, basically anywhere that promotes growth.<br />
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<b>15. You have more control over your life than you think.</b><br />
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<b>16. As an American you are spoiled.</b> Life may be expensive but things like education, employment, freedom of speech, etc are at least attainable and sometimes free :) Take advantage of it because there are millions of people you cannot even drink clean water and are dying from easily curable diseases. It could have been you! So be grateful and take advantage.<br />
<br />
Good night.Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-3331960422648776242015-01-19T16:30:00.000-08:002015-01-19T16:30:17.714-08:00Learning Confidence: A journey for young black girlsOver the holidays I received an email from the sweetest high school student. She emailed me introducing herself and can I say that I have second-hand pride from the words she wrote!? She's 16, a high school student, also college student and has an interest in raising her self esteem. She has the drive, intelligence and motivation to go very far in life. I love hearing about young black girls who have so much potential!<br />
<br />
Anyway, she mentioned being walked on by people, both friends and boys and wants some info on how to raise her self esteem after years of that. I completely understand and I will add that I know how frustrating it is when people tell black women that we need to "get ourselves together" and stop being so insecure", etc. and then say something vague like "if you knew better you do better", "black women STAY losing", etc. This kind of delivery makes the message seem like it's not so much "You need to raise your self esteem" and more "I do not like/value you" and they are trying to justify it by making it your fault. The reason I say that is because when you like/want someone and want to give constructive criticism won't you be respectful, empathetic and kind? It takes more than just "don't talk to people like that" or "like attracts like, so it must be something you're doing that's attracting people like that". (That second statement has some truth to it but I will get into that in another post I have drafted up)<br />
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While trying to respond to her I kept thinking back to when I was her age and I had low self esteem and what I did to change it. It took a long time for me to change my way of thinking and IT WILL TAKE YOU SOME TIME AS WELL. Think about it, how did you start to dislike things about you? We aren't born with low self esteem. We aren't born thinking our bodies aren't beautiful or our skin is too dark or our hobbies are meaningless. We were programmed at young ages to dislike ourselves and conform to what the black community wants us to be! Yes, relaxing black girls hair at a young age, the little lightskin/dark skin references, jokes about "african" features all play a part in our perception of what standards we need to hold ourselves to. <i>What kind of community considers light skin, thin nose and light eyes as the standard of beauty when the majority of women don't have those features? A messed up one, that's what!</i><br />
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<b><i>What is the answer to this programming? Well, it is to deprogram!</i></b> Yes, <u>2015 is the year of deprogramming</u>. You didn't develop low self esteem in five easy steps so you can't raise it in five easy steps lol so instead of doing one post on how to be more confident I am going to post about all the things that affect your self esteem and what to do about it.<br />
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<u>This entire year is going to be about purging self-depreciating thoughts, bad habits, bad friends, bad men, etc. The goal is for us to be OVER IT.</u> The first step is purging. Don't you routinely go through your fridge, beauty products and purse to get rid of things that are no longer useful or have no purpose to you anymore? Well <i>don't you think it's time to do that to your life!!?</i> To purge is to rid yourself of all things that are dysfunctional and destructive. I want you to do this:<br />
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<b>-Go into your iTunes and delete ALL rap and hiphop music. ALL of it!</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>-Also delete depressing music of all genres. The R&B songs that are begging a lying, cheating man to come back to them, the whining songs about love and just anything that screams "woe is me"</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>-Go into your facebook and stop following (or unfriend, your choice) people who post things like girl fights, twerking videos, racism statuses, woman-bashing statuses, anti-bw statuses, etc.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>-Stay off of sites like nowaygirl, worldstar, basically anything that showcases BW in the worst light</b><br />
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<b>-Distance yourself from people who continue to make bad life decisions. </b>No one is perfect but people who continue to make horrible life decisions need more help than any friend can give (therapy). This sounds mean but I distanced myself from my single mother friends. We are still cool but I got sick of being put down by people who felt like they had the right to say things like "being a single mommy is so hard. You don't know what it's like to struggle. I can't wait until you have kids and you'll be this tired/irritated/depressed. You're lucky". Nooo I'm not lucky, I'm smart. I know how to use birth control. And then turn around and ask me to babysit or lend them money. I may come across elitist sometimes but I don't think I'm better than anyone else. I just have high standards for myself and don't let people put me down in any way, shape or form and I highly suggest you start practicing this as well. Don't let backhanded compliments slide and don't let people bring you down with them. Don't let your broke friends treat you like an atm. If they need something, take them to the food bank. If they don't have a job, keep an eye out for always put yourselves first. If they really love you AND themselves they will appreciate it in the long run. Trust me.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>-Get rid of books written by Steve Harvey or any dating books that aren't written by women</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>-Get rid of your Tyler Perry Collection</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>-Get rid of those "ghetto" or "hood literature" books about crime, stripping, drugs, dysfunctional "black love" relationships and/or gold digging (if you want to marry a well-to-do/financially stable man I can post about that, just don't read these ratchet books)</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>-Cut off toxic people. </b>If you know someone who is always telling you your ideas/opinions are invalid, tries to sabotage you, is not interested in self-improvement at all, distance yourself away. They could be a good person but they don't need to be that close to you because once you accomplish your goals and make more, they will try to guilt you into not accomplishing more. "You're going for another job? There are people out there who need it more than you do! Don't be greedy!", "those degrees won't keep you warm at night, let me hook you up with my cousin ray ray who just got out of jail and needs a woman", "you're standards are too high, no guy will live up to them especially for a black woman. Educated men don't like black women because _____" or anything like that.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>-Make a list of the things you like about yourself, pick a cute font and pretty colors and add a background to it. </b>For instance, "I am trustworthy and an awesome friend" over a background of a beautiful beach or a basket of kittens. Tape these papers around your room where you can see them everyday.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>-Make a list of things you dislike about yourself and read it out loud. </b>Does it sound harsh? Are you being too hard on yourself? If someone pointed these things out to you, would it hurt your feelings? If yes, then you shouldn't be telling them to yourself :)<b> Rewrite the phrases and come up with a plan. </b>Instead of "I hate my acne and I'm antisocial" write down "I will be more confident with clear skin and a social life". Then think about what you can do to change these things. For instance, you might get rid of your skin care products and do research on ones that will work. Instead of wishing you had more friends, you can actually put in the effort to meet people. Be more talkative in class, join a meet-up group or a book club at your library.<br />
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Stay tuned for part 2! Thank you for reading.<br />
<br />
xoxoEnlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-53142649359643809922014-12-18T16:41:00.000-08:002014-12-18T16:41:07.307-08:00Feminine hobbiesI have compiled a list of hobbies for those of you who are looking for something fun to fill up your spare time.<br />
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<ul>
<li>soap making</li>
</ul>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIS6ntCwaEk9biqiiJaDYW2LdExE4sULsXQ39y-LFRzJ8wAgsiLnHiqdUNyuuB3VGaXEtbJmYi2ALbbqlP_RL00oIxBKwI3GzTj8MK7haYlF3c1GIHh8x3Czp6IOP_tMw06w8StncpuUJS/s1600/Soap-Making.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIS6ntCwaEk9biqiiJaDYW2LdExE4sULsXQ39y-LFRzJ8wAgsiLnHiqdUNyuuB3VGaXEtbJmYi2ALbbqlP_RL00oIxBKwI3GzTj8MK7haYlF3c1GIHh8x3Czp6IOP_tMw06w8StncpuUJS/s1600/Soap-Making.jpg" height="210" width="320" /></a></div>
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<ul>
<li>flower arranging</li>
</ul>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgduWMRa1xInhWXgaHVYRc2qbGs-AN4Py-pcYM1ZXqyP8HTod3a8PFTd1yDAX8X1ZhUGgjAf6AotxD4grcAg1CQLPCGgo-P6I93Z5NzOZRdeKt9JZP8NeENjo1wgypK1ZFLYlntyjzKZDwY/s1600/IMG_5302.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgduWMRa1xInhWXgaHVYRc2qbGs-AN4Py-pcYM1ZXqyP8HTod3a8PFTd1yDAX8X1ZhUGgjAf6AotxD4grcAg1CQLPCGgo-P6I93Z5NzOZRdeKt9JZP8NeENjo1wgypK1ZFLYlntyjzKZDwY/s1600/IMG_5302.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<ul>
<li>cooking/baking</li>
</ul>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDmThXUj13ueEao2n2_iXvba21g9KDIUu9Oe7mhkop7pGUaGpj8cHnKPjIjw_PqP0oMUFUEeOm4WEZGyTxAC1O3mIsOVikPRfZROuedCqzchYvxml6mnRvdfeVr36S7iDpYjboj6Nvl2-i/s1600/aromatics-class.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDmThXUj13ueEao2n2_iXvba21g9KDIUu9Oe7mhkop7pGUaGpj8cHnKPjIjw_PqP0oMUFUEeOm4WEZGyTxAC1O3mIsOVikPRfZROuedCqzchYvxml6mnRvdfeVr36S7iDpYjboj6Nvl2-i/s1600/aromatics-class.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li>gardening</li>
</ul>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9FtRWhI4mi6caorRe-xyJU0hMya3MBMEuH7uGWnQeAJis4_UbOhyzZbL9JT_R26HTRcIWPruc1IXUfylT31GbHZJ_WjywZsiFWiHNVtZR3lN4DNlemOe4DszRM50CFXJucpW6vy1VPm2i/s1600/o-GARDENING-TOOL-facebook.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9FtRWhI4mi6caorRe-xyJU0hMya3MBMEuH7uGWnQeAJis4_UbOhyzZbL9JT_R26HTRcIWPruc1IXUfylT31GbHZJ_WjywZsiFWiHNVtZR3lN4DNlemOe4DszRM50CFXJucpW6vy1VPm2i/s1600/o-GARDENING-TOOL-facebook.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li>painting</li>
</ul>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj8g42tHrJOr-eSp5DA6LvYTKxsqWRjOHgXKfoIGZuB78q0P74OZUZYjyGrZRPgr-Vuj2ek0Iho-bhFRXgIOoFgrKvq2HzX8xPU8PFvgX1mKK5zY24AqrZmhnR5yM4eJo9m4Lr8iL3mjB5/s1600/cheap-quality-painting-supplies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj8g42tHrJOr-eSp5DA6LvYTKxsqWRjOHgXKfoIGZuB78q0P74OZUZYjyGrZRPgr-Vuj2ek0Iho-bhFRXgIOoFgrKvq2HzX8xPU8PFvgX1mKK5zY24AqrZmhnR5yM4eJo9m4Lr8iL3mjB5/s1600/cheap-quality-painting-supplies.jpg" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li>language learning</li>
</ul>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ06JeHuOBZptPRLQ29vUyprenQKAcvJAcPwOi-QgwhPTsbPWpfavsQ1JQDKPT7UHnoiWwomr0zM2yFAuCCUQd-gFRz_St3V11AiLpyZz_RZS4vCdhCjKGPy826bb0MHxubO4vB6WO0SBK/s1600/language.learning.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ06JeHuOBZptPRLQ29vUyprenQKAcvJAcPwOi-QgwhPTsbPWpfavsQ1JQDKPT7UHnoiWwomr0zM2yFAuCCUQd-gFRz_St3V11AiLpyZz_RZS4vCdhCjKGPy826bb0MHxubO4vB6WO0SBK/s1600/language.learning.jpg" height="212" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li>reading and writing</li>
</ul>
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<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li>playing an instrument</li>
</ul>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoSM29z3Oq6ADPeKqAcgA8ngEwpXkacYURkdErKw2WGd59Pbw-WPfXMXLDSKiAU5QQeDAKSbsh1UeYpgKZN_QGhr6CxhDwidKBVjCDSDjRw8pKGpSbGhIzLGt-VzVu-7r9zpnyGjWu3RQo/s1600/band_instruments.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoSM29z3Oq6ADPeKqAcgA8ngEwpXkacYURkdErKw2WGd59Pbw-WPfXMXLDSKiAU5QQeDAKSbsh1UeYpgKZN_QGhr6CxhDwidKBVjCDSDjRw8pKGpSbGhIzLGt-VzVu-7r9zpnyGjWu3RQo/s1600/band_instruments.gif" height="229" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li>dancing</li>
</ul>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGc55e3MOvgNoHk_DFAJ0IW8UqB3Dx7mJnjYVS3_-c6-YM-ksNjyLuLJN_rUJ2HSty6HOXmDbxm6mmLEiv0LafsJ7eynLEFo3zaD1Fy54vGf53QedtUsyIenY4uuMoo_qIfDmIvQUflqAP/s1600/IDA-Logo_full-silh.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGc55e3MOvgNoHk_DFAJ0IW8UqB3Dx7mJnjYVS3_-c6-YM-ksNjyLuLJN_rUJ2HSty6HOXmDbxm6mmLEiv0LafsJ7eynLEFo3zaD1Fy54vGf53QedtUsyIenY4uuMoo_qIfDmIvQUflqAP/s1600/IDA-Logo_full-silh.jpeg" height="171" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li>sewing/crocheting</li>
</ul>
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<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li>singing</li>
</ul>
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<li>interior designing</li>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3CYHOXuc8kDSZho5ET7YIyLNZK4iDk7GPhyphenhyphenbZk8ZW1jieIgWgKgktaC_a7Q8Fek4jWd7w-iKiMLtWrxjcED5hHsBVQ7FYJqJroC5eUpHmRnGp2t2967zmXm3JHGkr7BTlUTAmJZSxUpjU/s1600/Classic-Small-White-Walled-Living-Room-Design-With-Comfortable-Sofa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3CYHOXuc8kDSZho5ET7YIyLNZK4iDk7GPhyphenhyphenbZk8ZW1jieIgWgKgktaC_a7Q8Fek4jWd7w-iKiMLtWrxjcED5hHsBVQ7FYJqJroC5eUpHmRnGp2t2967zmXm3JHGkr7BTlUTAmJZSxUpjU/s1600/Classic-Small-White-Walled-Living-Room-Design-With-Comfortable-Sofa.jpg" height="200" width="320" /></a></div>
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Hobbies are important because they give you something to look forward to and feel good. Feminine hobbies are important for harnessing your femininity and creativity. You can take any of the hobbies above and make it an outlet for stress, sadness, happiness, hope, joy. etc.</div>
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My favorite hobbies are sewing and gardening because I feel that they are both vintage and it makes me feel extra lady like :) I put on some soft music and I can sew/garden for hours! Plus when you find something you are passionate about, you yearn for improvement and seek knowledge about the subject. For instance after I grew my first tomato vine, I wanted to grow more types of tomatoes and now I have 13!</div>
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What are your favorite hobbies?</div>
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Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-12290332582304935942014-12-15T11:59:00.000-08:002014-12-15T12:07:39.697-08:00Celebrating the holidays<br />
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<b>When December 1st rolls around, it's almost like my own little world inside my head goes a little bit coo-coo and into a hazy cloud of glitter, fairy lights, and all things festive. My personal favourite time of year :)</b></div>
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I've always had a vague notion that traditions and rituals were good for you. My family thought it was corny that I made cards and dressed up for each holiday even if we didn't celebrate it ( like St. Patrick's day) but I enjoyed it! And as it turns out, decades of research back up my hunch on this topic.<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/jFMyF9fDKzE?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe>Since the 1950s researchers have studied the role of traditions in family life. Not just holidays but any routine or set of behaviors that has a symbolic meaning and says "this is who we are" as a group. Psychologists link these kinds of practices with higher academic success, happiness and emotional well being for the family. When parents ascribe a high level of meaning to rituals, the children are found to have better emotional skills. Not only that, but it aids in marital satisfaction as well :) Practicing meaningful traditions also relieves stress and lowers anxiety levels.<br />
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Why are rituals so powerful? They offer regularity and a sense of order. When you know what to expect and have a feeling of "this is the way my family does things" it helps you make sense of the world. Do you remember how excited you got when you made your favorite Christmas recipe with your mother? Or when you made gingerbread houses at school? You have every right to still get excited about those things as you get older. In "Family Routines and Rituals by Barbara Fiese" it states that the more meaningful older teenagers felt their family rituals were, the more likely they are to have a strong sense of themselves and be able to handle the stress of going to college freshman year.<br />
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What I like to do is what most people do every Thanksgiving. They say what they are grateful for, etc. Every holiday I reflect on what I am grateful for, what I am working towards, what goals I have achieved since the last holiday, etc. It sounds like a lot but I have found that talking to myself and keeping track of my personal development helps me get to know myself more. As I've said in a previous post, I have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past and have learned how to cope through times of grief like the loss of my younger brother and financial problems in the past. I am a big stickler for emotional health and I value the holidays because each one gives me the chance to celebrate something beautiful about life.<br />
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If this sounds like a good idea to you and you'd like to try it, I suggest getting a notebook and using it as a journal. Or you can even start a blog :) Here are some prompts:<br />
1.Dear past me...<br />
2. Dear future me...<br />
3.The people you most admire<br />
4.What book did you read over and over again as a child?<br />
5. What would your perfect day be like?<br />
6.How would your best friend describe you?<br />
7.Name your top 5 short term goals<br />
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Now onto Christmas-y things!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxGqACXQNpYmHMqXrxrVITMflghZjOEliFpmYjm5_-RelYGMKzKBFH2Es0W1R5H2YM-AzJn0QelXqlPmbDetLjtkOo6DfOE8Do3EtNwXoeftblNt-LXrJE-Cg7Mp0Nx_lXHu0DFA4QN6yA/s1600/6a00d83452920069e2015437db4703970c-800wi.jpg"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxGqACXQNpYmHMqXrxrVITMflghZjOEliFpmYjm5_-RelYGMKzKBFH2Es0W1R5H2YM-AzJn0QelXqlPmbDetLjtkOo6DfOE8Do3EtNwXoeftblNt-LXrJE-Cg7Mp0Nx_lXHu0DFA4QN6yA/s1600/6a00d83452920069e2015437db4703970c-800wi.jpg" width="425" /></a></div>
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Food<br />
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<a href="http://www.joyfulhealthyeats.com/30-comforting-winter-soup-recipes/">30 comfort winter soups</a><br />
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<a href="http://thedomesticrebel.com/2014/12/15/gingerbread-cupcakes-with-vanilla-bean-marshmallow-frosting/">Ginger Bread Cupcakes Recipe</a><br />
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<a href="http://lecremedelacrumb.com/2014/12/slow-cooker-salted-caramel-hot-chocolate.html">Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate</a><br />
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Decor<br />
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<a href="http://findinghomeonline.com/christmas-mantel-easy-chalkboard-tutorial/">Christmas chalkboard decor</a><br />
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<a href="http://postris.com/popular-pin/82222/1/repins/30/0/">White Christmas</a><br />
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<a href="http://sweetsomethingdesign.blogspot.com/2011/12/christmas-tour-2011.html?m=1">So pretty</a><br />
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<a href="http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/e5/07/01/e5070106518df9a6ef7c88c1b49433d6.jpg">Green & White</a><br />
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Drinks<br />
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<a href="http://whoneedsacape.com/2013/12/cranberry-mimosa/">Cranberry Mimosa</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.welchs.com/recipes/drinks-and-smoothies/sparkling-sugar-plum-punch">Sparkling Sugar Plum Punch</a><br />
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Beauty<br />
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<a href="http://guff.com/15-festive-fingernails-for-the-christmas-season/gallery">Themed nails</a><br />
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<a href="http://fabnailartdesigns.com/inspiring-winter-nail-art-designs-ideas-for-girls-2013-2014/#">More nails</a><br />
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<a href="http://ink361.com/app/users/ig-237990112/alex_nails/photos/ig-608140358827754993_237990112">Alex nails</a><br />
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Enjoy the holidays and treat yourself well.
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2. Wear dresses! Yes, you can still wear pretty and feminine dressed during the winter as long as you layer to keep warm. Wear leggings underneath, a coat over it and add a scarf or jewelry.<br />
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*What you can also do it wear patterned tights to add some oomph</div>
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3. Get your vitamin D. Our melanin blocks some the Vitamin D from the sun that we need and it gets worse in the winter time. Vitamin D deficiency can worsen the symptoms of depression, anxiety and a variety of physical ills like joint paints and muscle spasms. Consult with your doctor before starting a vitamin regimen. You can also drink a cup of orange juice :)</div>
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4. Wear a bold lip.</div>
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5. Get some glitter and sparkle!</div>
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Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-4003019016756876232014-12-05T19:29:00.001-08:002014-12-05T19:29:59.301-08:00Why I left facebook and Distractors<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I created a facebook page to share my blog posts and interact more with people. I knew there were other BW out there who are interested in gaining social status, sharing tips on class, beauty advice, dating advice, health tips and many other things. I was interested in connecting with other forward-thinking BW. By forward-thinking I mean BW who think outside the box that society wants to put us in, BW who want to develop into graceful, classy and pioneering women who aren't afraid of following their dreams because it's not something that "black women do". I want to replace the image of BW around the globe from despair and struggle to mysterious, enticing and beautiful. I already know how sexy, intelligent and creative we are but I want the whole world to know. I want the future generations of little black girls to not be treated like adults at a young age, to not be hypersexualized and not deemed as masculine and unworthy of protection.</div>
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I actually did find quite a few BW like that but also I got a lot of death threats, crazy messages and general cattiness. Facebook can be pretty messy anyway but I got sick of the constant drama. I found out some things about my favorite "bwe" bloggers that made me change my view on them! so I decided to delete the page and I feel much better :)</div>
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But you know what I noticed? That a lot of BW only like, comment on and share things that are about dissing black guys, exposing anti-bw and/or colorist celebrities, crime, etc. My posts about losing weight, makeup, skin care and job opportunities/college had the least activity. Some BW claim to want to move on but they seriously don't want to. They recognize that they need to leave the Black community behind but are all talk and no action. You have to do more than move out of Blackistan, you have to stop reading toxic articles, un-friend troublesome people,etc.</div>
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What really makes me laugh is how African-Americans like to tell other black people from Latin America or Europe that we aren't the same as them and shouldn't use their slang and don't identify with them. Not just online but in real life I have been excluded by African-Americans once they found out that I was born in a Latin country. I have been told on numerous occasions that I do not understand what it's like for African-Americans because I am "hispanic" and therefore have a different experience. But if I refer to myself as brown as I do on my blog, then people get upset at that, too. "So...what, we can't be black anymore?" *sigh* So what is it?</div>
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I did not grow up privileged. The hoods of America aren't the worst places in the world so miss me with that. I will not share my personal story but know that I was the poster child of forgotten children: poor, black, female, immigrant, foster care, inner city, etc. I found a way out of that, I found a way to be happy and make a place for myself in the world. I am still young but I have created a life for myself that doesn't involve the tale of woe that so many BW like to share with the world. I'm sick of those movies like Precious, Tyler Perry, etc. and the constant articles online of BW crying about BM not wanting them, racism this, racism that. Some people are addicted to dysfunction and if you value yourself you will separate yourself from all negativity, purge the pain out of your life and morph into the woman you want to be. Transformations are not exclusive to hollywood movies and tv shows, you have the power of determining your future if you actually put effort into it.</div>
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Even if only one person reads this blog and learns a new technique or discovers a new hobby they didn't know about then I will be happy. I have decided to change this blog a little. I will be posting what advice I can give and find for certain topics. I am here for other young, like-minded BW who are interested in social status, higher education, marriage/relationships, being nice and friendly, losing and maintaining normal weight, beauty advice, goal setting, wealth resources, etc. and any other things I think we should share.</div>
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Anyway.....</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTLgEB1Qs4CBLBMkmo54HHLOm0QW8I4TNCCovqJjtK888A-iSOjtvTGSkksXltVD4AKYvqqDDcmxHqw4bXYmQdhu_hXXostLj6_2ynpQDkE0f5-pgTYlLyGxoFArQ9HE8TvGM7pVVC0eXf/s1600/7165325986_dbd4a21328.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTLgEB1Qs4CBLBMkmo54HHLOm0QW8I4TNCCovqJjtK888A-iSOjtvTGSkksXltVD4AKYvqqDDcmxHqw4bXYmQdhu_hXXostLj6_2ynpQDkE0f5-pgTYlLyGxoFArQ9HE8TvGM7pVVC0eXf/s1600/7165325986_dbd4a21328.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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I'm sure we all have met people who purposely tried to distract us, throw us off our game or hurt our self esteem. It especially hurts when it comes from someone we love. There's no magic cure for the people who do it and there's no way to get people to stop. It's a part of life. We are going to run into people who, for one reason or another, don't like us or don't want us to achieve something. It's not your responsibility to change them, the only thing you can do is not let them succeed at it. </div>
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Whether you are into something that isn't stereotypically "black" like cosplay or hockey, if you are in a sub-culture besides the urban scene, or interracially date, there will be people who will try to make you feel like you are doing something wrong. They'll try to embarrass you, try to force you to explain why you do it, try to convince you that you're crazy, etc. Not only have you seen it, by I have witnessed it countless times. I believe the reason why they do this is because you do not fit into the box they want to put you in and it makes them more comfortable</div>
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Here are some of the things you may have heard:</div>
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-"Black people don't do _________________". This is said to "other" you and make you feel outcasted. The intent is to make you want to fit in and conform to their standards.</div>
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-"After all the horrible things white people did, how can you date one?" This is supposed to guilt you out of dating who you want. Don't ever feel guilty for wanting to date who treats you right regardless of race.</div>
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-"You'll never be accepted by white people" This one cracks me up because I certainly don't expect all white people to accept me nor do I want them to. I'm not a people pleaser and I don't care who is okay with my choices. You shouldn't be either. Besides, it's not like the black community will accept you for who you are. </div>
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-"My cousins/brothers/daddy/uncle are black and they dont act like that! Don't paint all BM with the same brush". When BW bloggers say f&*k BM, we don't mean each and every one because it is impossible to know the mindset of each BM...we mean the collective. It is painfully clear that BM do not like or respect us. They have been trying to seperate themselves from us for DECADES yet some BW are still blind and want to continue to march and cape for them. I see young black boys like pitbull puppies. They are cute while small but I know they will become a threat when they get older.</div>
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-"White men only want you for sex". Any bm don't? Why are 70% of black kids born out of wedlock?</div>
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-A common one said by white feminists is, "ALL women face domestic violence, street harassment, etc. Why do you have to make it about race?" We may face the same issues but they are handled differently due to racism. The police are less likely to help a BW being abused, judges are less likely to prosecute the aggressor of a BW.</div>
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The point of saying these things is to distract you from whatever you are doing, They want to persuade, guilt or shame you into thinking like them. My biggest piece of advice is not to engage in conversation with these people. Don't try to explain yourself to them, just ignore it. If they get pushy then say "I don't want to discuss this with you" give them a quick smile and remove yourself from the conversation. Walk away, go back to your work, start a conversation with someone else, etc. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your life choices.</div>
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I have a few posts drafted up and almost ready to post. The holidays have made my job very busy and I got married! The wedding was here in Northern California and we had a second ceremony in Switzerland for his family. I hope the Holidays treat you well. Take care!</div>
Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-66262765128529875402014-11-08T10:23:00.005-08:002014-11-08T10:23:59.125-08:00Taking care of your body: EXERCISE!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
No matter what your body shape is (see below) it is<u> very very important to take care of it</u>. Not just for attracting a high value man, but for optimal health, a longer life and your mental health. Yes, <b>taking care of your body will raise your self esteem!</b> Even if you are not yet at the goal weight and shape that you want just putting time and effort into improving your body will make you feel better about yourself. You will begin to see yourself as something worth investing in and loving.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihzjcYgcrup6Pd37mG3P_eIl8dvXEWZGBCTINLym_yJv8MNaeC8Se2pGGI-DjP4NvDn-IMZ7DKBjbiDyYgqvMoDdzo3ezVsiM6GeYizBDbV5FWS2_eiCNi7RnZv4K7xcP3dDh38C7lHOEZ/s1600/body-shapes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihzjcYgcrup6Pd37mG3P_eIl8dvXEWZGBCTINLym_yJv8MNaeC8Se2pGGI-DjP4NvDn-IMZ7DKBjbiDyYgqvMoDdzo3ezVsiM6GeYizBDbV5FWS2_eiCNi7RnZv4K7xcP3dDh38C7lHOEZ/s1600/body-shapes.jpg" height="263" width="320" /></a></div>
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Most people consider hourglass to be "the sexiest" but I have to disagree!<i><u><b> All body shapes are beautiful and should be celebrated!</b></u></i> It doesn't matter if you are top heavy or bottom heavy or not heavy at all. It's more about how toned you are and in-shape. I believe a trim waist, shapely legs and toned arms are the most important. Having a big butt, big chest or a thigh-gap is not important. Strive to be the best YOU and not compare yourself to another woman because we are all different.</div>
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Along with exercise, diet is very important. In fact, I would say that<i> diet is <b>MORE</b> important</i> but I will make another post for that.</div>
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<u>Here was my starting regime:</u></div>
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Monday-stretch, 30 minutes cardio (elliptical or treadmill), ab workout, stretch</div>
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Tuesday-stretch, 15 minutes cardio, 15 minute arm workout, stretch</div>
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Wednesday-rest</div>
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Thursday-stretch, 15 minutes cardio, 15 minutes leg workout, stretch</div>
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Friday-stretch, 30 minutes cardio, ab workout, stretch</div>
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Saturday-rest</div>
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Sunday-stretch, fun class (zumba, ab blaster, tahitian dancing, etc.), stretch</div>
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*<i>Every two weeks, increase your time/number of reps</i>. For instance, in two weeks, go from 30 minutes on the elliptical to 40. Increase from 15 minutes on your arms to 20. Slow increases help prevent injuries.</div>
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<i>*Keep track of the weight and number of reps you are doing</i>. Example: lifting 20 lbs or doing 15 push ups at a time</div>
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Here are some videos on youtube that I suggest using in beginning your exercise regime.</div>
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Stretching your bottom half:</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/QMZmzwr6Fxg?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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Stretching your top half:</div>
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<object width="320" height="266" class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="https://ytimg.googleusercontent.com/vi/h2aBPh_2eEo/0.jpg"><param name="movie" value="https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/h2aBPh_2eEo&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/h2aBPh_2eEo&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object></div>
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Ab workout (my fav):</div>
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Leg workout:</div>
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Arm workout:</div>
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Thanks for reading!</div>
Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-21230426507487256952014-09-28T17:01:00.002-07:002014-09-28T17:01:49.645-07:00Soft, Feminine Makeup: Product RecommendationsHere are recommendations for makeup products for someone who wants to wear makeup but isn't into bright, in-your-face colors. These are soft, neutral and complimentary to most skin tones.<br />
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<u>Base</u><br />
I chose BB Cream, Tinted Moisturizer because most women don't need foundation. I don't have perfect skin. I have scars that are taking months to fade but what I have found is I look waaaaaay better if I apply concealer on the spots then put some powder on. It looks like I naturally have flawless skin and my face doesn't get oily and look like my makeup is melting off. If you wear full coverage foundation, give it a try and let me know how it works.<br />
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Budget: ELF BB Cream ($6)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMrk1ilW-UZj5Js6b5OwxC_bEah1S2cjnIBqLS-ru4VJ6oDJ-Hx15mZC0kmrl87KElAwVEnbZ7Xzoeq7kqpbacDEuZp2d1esL4Mk4of4nKYyOwZ0wuHkqeDz_GyzsEdrv70SZRlcNXyaxK/s1600/ELF+Studio+BB+Cream+Swatches.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMrk1ilW-UZj5Js6b5OwxC_bEah1S2cjnIBqLS-ru4VJ6oDJ-Hx15mZC0kmrl87KElAwVEnbZ7Xzoeq7kqpbacDEuZp2d1esL4Mk4of4nKYyOwZ0wuHkqeDz_GyzsEdrv70SZRlcNXyaxK/s1600/ELF+Studio+BB+Cream+Swatches.PNG" height="316" width="320" /></a></div>
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Mid: I haven't tried any mid priced TM or BB creams. Only ELF and pricey ones =/<br />
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HE: Nars Tinted Moisturizer ($42 at Sephora)<br />
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<u>Eyeshadow Palettes</u><br />
<u><br /></u>
Budget: Covergirl Eye Enhancer 4 Shadow Kit in "Daring Nudes", "Fairy Tale" and "Prima Donna" ($4-$6 at your local drugstore)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX_8B66oyjCKiXz9QrXBHgz7vYolrXS5jcRpSFgf9jhOdLh6Dtnm34qf2lVfRtR9TGtJiOochI8N2hIOALBYvUsrgru4MfGpUu5FbU6aKWa_DnmU0Vbzsxmgu1oeFr0IPCBKDFsgtalTby/s1600/IMG_2711.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX_8B66oyjCKiXz9QrXBHgz7vYolrXS5jcRpSFgf9jhOdLh6Dtnm34qf2lVfRtR9TGtJiOochI8N2hIOALBYvUsrgru4MfGpUu5FbU6aKWa_DnmU0Vbzsxmgu1oeFr0IPCBKDFsgtalTby/s1600/IMG_2711.JPG" height="164" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYktjO8D-713uuI1G0gO1BmApzA4mEOun_DmUylttCCC7evk6qBi-9I_W1r0_isGr5pTmsd0UBZzQdBZa2AK77xvznOwrdx2sP1nRk_S-72a7iNiczIBEjgRcO8ePra21eBpWigl9TcqTh/s1600/prima-donna-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYktjO8D-713uuI1G0gO1BmApzA4mEOun_DmUylttCCC7evk6qBi-9I_W1r0_isGr5pTmsd0UBZzQdBZa2AK77xvznOwrdx2sP1nRk_S-72a7iNiczIBEjgRcO8ePra21eBpWigl9TcqTh/s1600/prima-donna-1.jpg" height="242" width="320" /></a></div>
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Mid: Clinique A Black Honey Affair ($36 at Sephora)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDzaL3t2m7asQyhEqb6cT-XZo089C9BuO_TAZW58ROSrlpSMBuIq4ghPm6nhdjtThwvDcxZwVsAE48jt_Ko91gYV122yNFjQCGwLqEqad4mCBXvB7zFKcRDlR5VHy36QTHYrIdAQwiCopJ/s1600/Clinique-A-Black-Honey-Affair-Eyeshadow-Palette-Long-Last-Soft-Matte-Lipsticks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDzaL3t2m7asQyhEqb6cT-XZo089C9BuO_TAZW58ROSrlpSMBuIq4ghPm6nhdjtThwvDcxZwVsAE48jt_Ko91gYV122yNFjQCGwLqEqad4mCBXvB7zFKcRDlR5VHy36QTHYrIdAQwiCopJ/s1600/Clinique-A-Black-Honey-Affair-Eyeshadow-Palette-Long-Last-Soft-Matte-Lipsticks.jpg" height="151" width="320" /></a></div>
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HE: Guerlain <span style="background-color: white; font-family: Avalon-Bold, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.2;">Écrin 6 Couleurs Eyeshadow Palette - Rue des Francs-Bourgeois ($90 at Sephora)</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_rmfsY-P_wvN8cVqevIt8LPqKHK2MPK3TM7lXBc8SqARkPaFBAs3uLFsUgaZ3FPRg7evoJa3k29tT8LBnZ9E0I4KIRQU9MpEc1dgSKkWJNEY1qsdRKb8zTYFCT0gshjS10EGIoABrk-5H/s1600/s1296953-main-hero-300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_rmfsY-P_wvN8cVqevIt8LPqKHK2MPK3TM7lXBc8SqARkPaFBAs3uLFsUgaZ3FPRg7evoJa3k29tT8LBnZ9E0I4KIRQU9MpEc1dgSKkWJNEY1qsdRKb8zTYFCT0gshjS10EGIoABrk-5H/s1600/s1296953-main-hero-300.jpg" /></a></div>
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<u>Mascara</u><br />
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Budget: Wet N Wild Mega Volume Mascara ($2 at local drugstore). This is the first brand of makeup that I've tried and I will always love. They produce great quality at amazing prices.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFOx4zZeNj97HaI4Fzq1O7RM9GGU9J8g0yJtSC4fswAoQWySDNgcg1ReVKD8wsicbec7xZSvzKdwErWbARoSdtTcCx2TYqySMdqZo4TIR_bnxiQe0pQh3KdaRJZ2RyIsyV8lni_oRvceo0/s1600/wnw_megavolume_mascara_blk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFOx4zZeNj97HaI4Fzq1O7RM9GGU9J8g0yJtSC4fswAoQWySDNgcg1ReVKD8wsicbec7xZSvzKdwErWbARoSdtTcCx2TYqySMdqZo4TIR_bnxiQe0pQh3KdaRJZ2RyIsyV8lni_oRvceo0/s1600/wnw_megavolume_mascara_blk.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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Mid: L'oreal Voluminous Mascara ($9 at CVS)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYnyXH3mfDQQ4Azm-MWA_9G8YvDAAibWt-SbZUAbZN03ho7D_7UwY2QENUa6lypl5ZG4NXZ7R71jnz0UBWC7SjMzTO7SabKRU_pO7aEzok1P0M-odNXPhxgvjVpHUDA2JdjlIDkxvKR_X1/s1600/9714422_orig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYnyXH3mfDQQ4Azm-MWA_9G8YvDAAibWt-SbZUAbZN03ho7D_7UwY2QENUa6lypl5ZG4NXZ7R71jnz0UBWC7SjMzTO7SabKRU_pO7aEzok1P0M-odNXPhxgvjVpHUDA2JdjlIDkxvKR_X1/s1600/9714422_orig.jpg" /></a></div>
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HE: Benefit They're Real Mascara ($23 at Sephora). Most would consider this mid range and not high end but $23 for a small tube of mascara is expensive to me LOL This is the one I currently use. The formula is pretty wet though so I suggest not blinking rapidly for a minute until it dries<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbEOKkE9Ls1QH0oQalvk68Z593-Pkd6hDlGKuiespBTD1n_8v3vvLr5LSGSZYzydSi5oqV6nDQfxm0fxbWdUqTr5_F0gj_BCNfQkOEXxjSPtii_EnPc0hGHTj2uGocCzvlBYiFwzaLJIel/s1600/Benefit_They_re_Real__Beyond_Mascara_8_5g1314188642.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbEOKkE9Ls1QH0oQalvk68Z593-Pkd6hDlGKuiespBTD1n_8v3vvLr5LSGSZYzydSi5oqV6nDQfxm0fxbWdUqTr5_F0gj_BCNfQkOEXxjSPtii_EnPc0hGHTj2uGocCzvlBYiFwzaLJIel/s1600/Benefit_They_re_Real__Beyond_Mascara_8_5g1314188642.jpg" height="320" width="235" /></a></div>
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<br />
<u>Lips</u><br />
<u><br /></u>
Budget: NYX Megashine Lipglosses ($2-$5 depending on where you buy; CVS, Ulta or online)<br />
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^^ Since our lips tend to be pigmented, the brighter pinks still don't look very bright so you can get away with Tea Rose in an everyday look<br />
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Maybelline Baby Lips ($4). These are more like chapstick but certain flavors have a tint to them<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBHluNI4m6OUtmuUBsrf9U_KlYZaDzP1WMgd2PLUjUQr_NshuGw90r19TkKfcUvJ81P6zDYGNmVKCUmJ7zcSgWiCCdtkwimUboB4FSTfroqNbU8sL3Q6OTh0BmRXaZILXdoRCDBgphJDy-/s1600/IMG_1544.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBHluNI4m6OUtmuUBsrf9U_KlYZaDzP1WMgd2PLUjUQr_NshuGw90r19TkKfcUvJ81P6zDYGNmVKCUmJ7zcSgWiCCdtkwimUboB4FSTfroqNbU8sL3Q6OTh0BmRXaZILXdoRCDBgphJDy-/s1600/IMG_1544.jpg" height="181" width="320" /></a></div>
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Mid: Revlon Lip Butters ($6-$8)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0OB2wCyQJIMRgpZuX_yGltqqaUlgTLZs8BHV9QuUW-dUXAcsznr1TjThMNCZdB-fnOOz8OsYpYa0yW7jvdZRh0URmtUNROPlvTOIuOm8oSl2dqIIo4ssuxO06Ng_fuek78dDvsQLi6Jck/s1600/IMG_5917.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0OB2wCyQJIMRgpZuX_yGltqqaUlgTLZs8BHV9QuUW-dUXAcsznr1TjThMNCZdB-fnOOz8OsYpYa0yW7jvdZRh0URmtUNROPlvTOIuOm8oSl2dqIIo4ssuxO06Ng_fuek78dDvsQLi6Jck/s1600/IMG_5917.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
^^They look scary lol but they are sheer versions of lipsticks. Like with the nyx lipglosses, since our lips are more pigmented, they don't show up as bright. My favorite is Brown Sugar :)<br />
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HE: Stila Lip Glaze ($22). They are pretty thick and goopy so use sparingly. A little goes a long way<br />
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<u>Cheeks</u><br />
I usually don't wear blush in the daytime but if you aren't wearing a bold eye or lip, color on your cheeks won't clash.<br />
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Budget: NYX blush in "Terracotta" or "Raisin" ($3 at cherryculture.com)<br />
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Mid: L'Oreal True Match Blush in "Sweet Ginger" ($7 at CVS)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIVNyrg7HsCeu5p9PqQ0Z9D6GGIvBrlmMG-AAi9VfAHXu5lMuyyVJY6ttvoXXjc9SxmWxRPNVWzJ2UseIsh78MIlYffSi_Fsz6vCId1fCD3mYAq51RGU7OAljoMX2IM6EWgqRupsKeEGhz/s1600/Cos33b_11_pack-shot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIVNyrg7HsCeu5p9PqQ0Z9D6GGIvBrlmMG-AAi9VfAHXu5lMuyyVJY6ttvoXXjc9SxmWxRPNVWzJ2UseIsh78MIlYffSi_Fsz6vCId1fCD3mYAq51RGU7OAljoMX2IM6EWgqRupsKeEGhz/s1600/Cos33b_11_pack-shot.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />
HE: MAC blushes in "Sweet As Cocoa", "Raisin", or "Format" ($22 at MAC)<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
Sweet As Cocoa</div>
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You can also wear a little bronzer instead of blush. Covergirl queen collection has a few that are beautiful! They contain shimmer, which bring attention to the area so if you have large pores and/or acne on your cheeks I would stay away from shimmer and use a color that's matte or satin finish.</div>
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Did you notice the color palette for these products? Using soft colors on your face will give a natural and soft feminine look. Brown, pink, purple all look good on brown skin, no matter the hue. I left out eyeliner on purpose as I think it looks pretty harsh in the daytime. If you'd like to wear eyeliner, try a dark brown instead of black.If you have any questions or comments, please don't hesitate to leave a comment below. Thanks! </div>
Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-32898435934678623642014-09-28T15:27:00.000-07:002014-09-28T15:27:20.292-07:00Attaching your ego to frivolous thingsOne thing I have noticed about women is that our egos are commonly attached to things that aren't that important. If I had a nickel for every time a woman thought she was better than the next because she didn't wear makeup or has a certain body shape or a college degree, I would be a millionaire!<br />
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I think women do this because they have created standards and set of rules in their mind on how others should live their lives. They get on their pedestal and preach about how men like this or men don't like that or "women who do this are _____". In reality they aren't concerned at all about teaching or helping people improve their lives. They attach their body shape, skin condition, lack of plastic surgery or makeup or their relationship status to their self worth. Well, guess what? You are no better than the person who does the opposite.<br />
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I blog about femininity and feminine things. I have an interest in makeup, dating, romance, fitness, being a homemaker, etc but I don't dislike women who do not care about this. I believe we all have a place in this world and if we are all the same life would be terribly boring. That may sound corny but that's the way I was raised. The smallest ant is no less significant than a human being, we have our purpose in life. Our Creator made me a biological woman for a reason and I intend to embrace it as much as I can in this modern world that tries it's best to convince me that I'm wrong.<br />
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To the women, especially BW, if you feel you do not need makeup then GOOD FOR YOU. I am glad that you are confident but you aren't more "real" than the next women who wears cosmetics. Sorry to break it to you. The amount of makeup you don't wear does not represent your character. You may be more natural but your attitude and judgement of others is an uglier trait than the acne scars someone else is covering up. Now THAT is what is unattractive to men. And when women don't wear makeup or wear perfume, it doesn't mean they don't care about themselves.<br />
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I know it's impossible to get all women to stop attacking and judging one another but I just had to get this off my chest. I have seen it all my life and it has always bugged me. Especially in this day and age where material things seem to be more important than human beings. If you do not have an expensive car, designer clothes or other unnecessary stuff than you are not "normal". I don't know about you but I would rather be around people with morals and values than people who don't. I'd rather have a best friend with acne and a kind heart than one with beautiful skin and is a backstabber.<br />
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ALSO, I have noticed BW go out of their way to diss women of other races. You are making yourself look bad. You know how people think we are jealous of them? Well, that's how you look when you go out of your way to attack another woman. What's the point of going to a WW's youtube channel and saying that we BW age better? Who are you trying to convince? We know that our melanin affords us to look more youthful, there's no need to brag about it. The world can see our beauty, we don't need to shout it from the rooftop. The things that I have heard from WM who date BW is that not only do we stay youthful but we are more down to earth and humble than most women nowadays. Being humble is an attractive trait.The goal is to be confident in yourself, not bring other people down.Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-55685987524639723432014-09-27T19:55:00.002-07:002014-09-27T19:55:30.357-07:00Black women and the pursuit of excellenceThe world is turning at a faster pace every year and we need to keep up! In order to have stability, we need to learn how to adapt to change. Don't get left behind, sis. Stay on pace with the world. Increase and expand your skill set.<br />
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As humans, we are made to absorb information. While we aren't computers and can't remember each and every detail, it is important to have a basic understanding of a variety of topics as well as experiences. Who only wants to be good at one thing? What kind of conversations can you have with people if you are only knowledgeable on one particular subject?<br />
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Here is a list I came up with. If you have any to add-on, leave a comment :)<br />
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1. Analyze your unique life experiences and determine how they can help you<br />
2. Explore new hobbies<br />
3. Discover new vessels of art/creativity (beside hip-hop, music videos and urban fiction books because they have shown that they are not for US. They depict us as ugly, gold digging, unwanted, crass and vulgar, struggling women. We can do better, there are many more things to watch, listen to and read that will help us, not hinder)<br />
4. Try a "non-black" sport<br />
5. Learn how to network. The unemployment rate for Black college students is twice as high, and lack of networking skills was cited as the main reason why. Don't let that be you.<br />
6. Rack up some accomplishments (an award, certificate of completion, etc)<br />
7. Travel, even if it isn't far and exotic. Take baby steps :)<br />
8. Learn about other parts of the world<br />
9. Try new cuisines<br />
10. Develop your body<br />
11. Adopt a healthier lifestyle, free of alcohol, drugs, fast food<br />
12. Get an education. If you already have, continue education! Take advanced classes, get an extra certification, etc. Like I said, every year the world turns faster and new technologies and scientific theories are produced. Learn how to code, use a computer or other gadget or even a new language! You can never be over-educated.<br />
13. VolunteerEnlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-26417251152466240522014-08-27T20:01:00.000-07:002014-08-27T20:01:36.194-07:00Feminine black teen guideThis post is for the younger crowd. Spend your teenage years to learn more about yourself as well as other people and things! I have compiled a list of things you should focus on that will help you form good habits, learn more about yourself, and other skills. Taking care of yourself in your teens will lead to a young adulthood with more opportunities, romance, friendships, financial abundance and fun. I want more black women to think about themselves and their future. Becoming a high-value woman doesn't start at the age of 18; there is a lot of prepping that women of other races do with their daughters that helps them become a well rounded individual that is successful in their career, education, social life and romantic life. The black community is not rooting for us black women so it's up to us that have been through it all to give advice to the younger ones. I'm in my 20s myself but I have been through it all and I mean ALL. One day I will share my story but for now I will list the things I did and suggest to young black girls who want a fabulous life and are ready to prepare for it.<br />
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<b>1. Learn how to socialize and develop friendships. </b>Learning how to talk to people and make friends is important to everyone but it doesn't come easy to some. There are some adults who don't know how to talk to people! Smiling, appearing approachable and friendly will help attract people to you but learning the art of conversation will take you far. Everyone needs friends but for women, having friends is extra important! Lol We need others to have a shoulder to cry on, to give you honest opinions, to laugh and talk with, to learn life lessons and seeing other points of view. I suggest making friends with a variety of people from different backgrounds, whether they are a different race, gender, social group, age or socio-economic status. People who are different from you in those ways (and more) offer fresh perspectives in life and teach you things. Here is a link to an article on how to strike up a conversation with someone you don't know:<br />
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<a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Start-a-Conversation-When-You-Have-Nothing-to-Talk-About">How to start a conversation</a><br />
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*Making new friends is fun but be careful, not everyone is friendly and has your best interest at heart! Among young women, there is a lot of jealousy and backstabbing and bullying. Don't tell another person your innermost secrets, desires and dreams when you first meet them. Even if you have known them for years, it is best to keep some things to yourself.<br />
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Flirting is also a good skill to learn. Lol more on this in another post but for a teen you can definitely learn to flirt, talk to guys (around your age please) and just learn about guys in general.<br />
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There are many opportunities to become friends with guys, through church, school activities, volunteering, through friends, etc. I don't think having a boyfriend in high school is bad but since there a lot of things you should be doing to become a well rounded person, you may not have time. It is important to learn how to act around the opposite sex, though. I highly suggest not having sex because not only are teenage boys immature enough to tell everyone or even secretly videotape you (it's happened!) but there's a risk of STDs and pregnancy. Teenage boys can also be dangerous, there are some with mental issues and misogynistic views and they will rape you or spread rumors that you are a "slut" or a "whore". My pieces of advice regarding dating are:<br />
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<i>1. Don't give it up!</i> Guys respect things that they have to work for and if you just hand it to him he will leave you after or only keep you around for sex and date another girl who he can enjoy chasing.<br />
<i>2. Don't get too attached.</i> Everyone you meet leaves an impression on you but dating isn't how it used to be. Guys in their teens aren't looking to get married. They just want to be around and with girls. There's a chance he could be your high school sweetheart and you'll be together forever but don't count on it. Have fun, flirt, laugh and joke together. Have your first kiss, go on dates and to school dances but don't expect a ring and don't believe him when he says he loves you. Some guys say this so you let your guard down and sleep with him but not all guys are bad. Some guys confuse like or lust with love and they think it's romantic to say those three words because they think that's what all girls want to hear.<br />
<i>3. Let him treat you nice.</i> Let him open doors, pay for your lunch, carry your books, walk you home and buy you things. Some people say that guys aren't required to do this but I think it shows that he comes from a good family and has a very good upbringing. If he does these things, he probably has a good relationship with his mother and his father taught him to respect women. You want to get used to this type of guy so when you are older you know how to get along and be with a man who is respectful, kind and knows how to treat a lady. You don't want to be one of those jaded mistrustful women who gives a side-eye to a guy who brings you roses or rejects a well-mannered man because she thinks he's up to something.<br />
<i>4. Don't waste your time on a guy who only talks about sex, uses pick up lines or tells you what to wear/how to wear your hair, etc.</i> These are red flags for boys who feel entitled to girls and are possibly controlling, abusive and extremely judgmental. How many guys have you met that boast loudly about the type of girl they want or like? Stay away from this type because chances are he sees you as an object and will get angry if you don't fit his expectations.<br />
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<b>2. Learn how to drive. </b>Get your license as soon as you can. Even if you don't have the money to get a car right away. The longer you have your license, the less insurance will cost you in the future. Plus, you never know when you will need it.<br />
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<b>3. Focus on school. </b>Not only will getting good grades help you get into college, be eligible for scholarships and help you get a part time job but there are also other benefits to being studious during your high school years. Good attendance, the ability to concentrate and juggle multiple things and completing projects by the deadline aren't things that are strictly for high school. All good jobs expect you to be able to do these things. High school isn't pointless; it prepares you for the real world, contrary to what some people say about it. Anyone who tells you that school isn't a big deal is probably someone who didn't do as good as they wanted to and is bitter or doesn't want a young black women to succeed. Ignore them. Students with good grades are respected by their peers and teachers. I made friends with many other hardworking and motivated students who continued to support and motivate me even after high school ended. It is good to be surrounded by people who also have goals! Don't be ashamed or afraid to go to the library during lunch or after school to get some work done because you will be surrounded by other people who want to get ahead in life. Also, teachers love students who care about their grades and will go above and beyond to help you with anything if they know that you are passionate about succeeding. My high school english teacher was the one who got me my first job!<br />
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Here is an article with tips to help you excel in school. I also like to watch youtube videos and read tumblr blogs by high school and college students regarding study tips, stress reduction and organization tips.<br />
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<a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Excel-in-High-School">How to Excel in High School</a><br />
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<b>4. Learn what colors and fashion styles look best on you.</b> Your teen years are the best time to figure out what looks good on you because you have the freedom to look funny, a hot mess and try out new things LOL Dye your hair a new color, experiment with makeup, try a new fashion style, etc. Here are a few articles that should help. I highly suggest reading them and then going to a reputable hair stylist, personal shopper, and makeup artist. Even if you don't intend on spending a ton of money it is best to get advice in person because they will be able to tell you better than anyone online can. They are trained to know how to help people! As far as the personal shopper goes, they are mainly in high end places like fancy department stores and boutiques =/ I suggest acting like you are rebuilding your wardrobe, taking notes and leaving LOL they may be irritated that you wasted their time but that's the only way I can think of.<br />
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<a href="http://www.thechicfashionista.com/your-best-perfect-colors.html">Your best colors</a><br />
<a href="http://www.joyofclothes.com/style-quiz/">Your style</a><br />
<a href="http://www.joyofclothes.com/style-advice/shape-guides/body-shapes-overview.php">Your body shape</a><br />
<a href="http://sovainmagazine.com/fashion-tips-for-beginners/">Fashion Tips for Beginners</a><br />
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<b>5. Take care of your skin.</b> Your teen years are probably the worst for the skin. Many girls suffer from excessive oiliness and acne. Plus, girls with dark skin tend to get hyperpigmentation (acne scarring). Acne scars are almost as bad as acne itself. Go to a dermatologist for topical or oral medication that will help but a skin care routine is important to. If you take medication for your skin then use products made for sensitive skin and that doesn't interfere with the medicine. If you prefer a less clinical approach, you may find supplements a good choice. You should talk to a doctor before you start but here are a few that I know work for sure:<br />
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-MSM<br />
-Fish Oil<br />
-Biotin<br />
-Silica/Horsetail<br />
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Also, drink at least a liter of water a day. Wear sunscreen (yes, dark skin can get skin cancer too!) and wash your face before bed. Change your pillow cases every other night and use silk or satin pillowcases to prevent your skin from getting dry.<br />
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The basic skin care routine is a cleanser, toner and moisturizer. A cleanser's purpose is to clean off the sweat, dirt and grime from the environment. Choose a gentle one that has natural ingredients or one with the least amount of ingredients. Some people say that toners are useless and a good cleanser should enable you to not need one but they are just confused. A toner's job isn't to clean but to restore the skin's pH and help your skin absorb the nutrients that the moisturizer has. Black women have beautiful skin and should take good care of it. Black skin glistens in the sun and is the object of envy of a lot of people (they just won't admit it LOL). A daytime moisturizer should contain spf and a night time should contain ingredients that help the skin. Young ladies with acne should use one with salicylic acid, dry skin should contain moisturizing ingredients like vitamin E and normal skin can do without one but a basic one from like St. Ives shouldn't hurt. Also, once a week you should do a face mask to do a deep cleansing. They are very cheap and you can even google "DIY face mask" and make one from the ingredients from your fridge. A post on skin with further detail will come up soon.<br />
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<b>7. Do volunteer work.</b> Not only will this help you build an awesome resume but it will get you more involved in the community, expose you to new people and environments and also raise your self esteem. Knowing that you are capable of making a change in the world will make you feel better about yourself. You can also make connections for the future. Volunteering can help you get a good idea of what you might want to do as a career. A few ideas for where to volunteer:<br />
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-Hospital. There might be a gift shop, maternity ward or any clerical work that can be done by a young person.<br />
-Humane Society/animal shelter. You'll learn how to take care of animals.<br />
-Senior citizen living community. They will have you answering phones, help with recreational activities, etc.<br />
-Real estate office.<br />
-Summer camps<br />
-Garden center/nursery<br />
-Library<br />
-Museum/Aquarium<br />
-Theatre. My local theatre has volunteer ushers and they get to watch the play, ballet or concert for free!<br />
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Another pro for volunteering is that it will expose you to people that you wouldn't normally be in contact with. As a black teen, especially if you live in the inner city, it is important to know people who can help you for jobs and other opportunities, like housing and resources. There are lots of good jobs that don't get posted on job boards and windows because the employer doesn't want any ol' person applying and having to shift through hundreds of resumes and applications. Being connected to people who have connections, money and resources is important. For instance, I got my first non-fast food job because my volunteer supervisor's brother was a real estate broker and needed someone to organize his files. I had expressed my desire to leave the bagel place I was working at to my supervisor at the Humane Society and since she knew I was a good worker, responsible and kind, she referred me to her brother.<br />
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<b>8. Find a new hobby.</b> Hobbies release stress, are a great creative outlet and build your character. They also build your self esteem because you have something you enjoy and are good at. Hobbies also keep you from being bored. Boredom is dangerous. Bored teens are prone to depression, drugs, excessive alcohol consumption and loneliness.<br />
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Also, for the young ladies who are interested in swirling, getting involved in things that are outside the "black spectrum" will bring you around a more diverse crowd. Here are some examples:<br />
-sports like golf, tennis, water-polo, swimming, surfing, lacrosse and horseback riding<br />
-sewing, watercolor painting, ceramics<br />
-theatre like plays and musicals. You can also learn about fine art and visit museums<br />
-learn how to sing classical music and/opera<br />
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<b>9.Learn a language. </b>The world is your oyster, young black girl! You can go anywhere you want but it would be easier if you could understand other people and don't get lost, no? Lol most high schools offer language courses but there are also community college classes you can take. You can also rent cd's and dvd's from the local library. Some languages you may find useful are:<br />
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-Spanish. This should be a requirement for all Americans because the Latino community is growing at a fast rate and spanish is a language that a lot of employers want.<br />
-French<br />
-Italian<br />
-Cantonese or Mandarin<br />
-Japanese<br />
-German<br />
-Arabic<br />
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<b>10. Find a part time job or start your own business. </b>It's smart to start building your resume and get some money in your pocket. If you are involved in extracurricular activities and/ or volunteering then you may find it to be too much to get a job but it's doable. Many fast food and retail places hire 16 year olds so I suggest you start there. Also, you can babysit, clean houses, mow lawns and run errands (if you have a car). Get creative! You can turn your hobby into a money maker (photography skills, web design, dance competitions, tutoring, etc).<br />
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<b>11. Take care of your body. </b>While obesity affects people of all ethnicity and ages, it's imperative that young black women take care of their bodies! Being overweight puts you at risk of heart disease, diabetes and other diseases. A toned body will boost your self esteem and make you look better in clothes. From experience, I know that black girls are shamed for our bodies whether we are fat or skinny. Everything we do is ridiculed so body size and weight are sensitive subjects. I have nothing against fat girls, I just don't think it's anything to enable and is unattractive. I don't expect every woman to have the perfect hour glass shape, that's ridiculous. But I do want more young black women to eat healthy, exercise and watch their weight.<br />
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For the young swirlers, other races of men prefer slender bodies. The black community will tell you that real women have curves and that you don't need to lose weight. Don't listen! Having a big butt or a full chest isn't bad at all. In fact curves are beautiful! But you can have curves and be thin.<br />
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Zumba, martial arts, swimming, pilates, ballet are some ideas for fun ways to keep your health and body in good shape. Eat your vegetables raw or steamed; eat plenty of fruits; drink water and unsweetened green tea; eat candy, soda and carbs in moderation; and reduce stress as it can lead to weight gain believe it or not.<br />
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<b>12. Open a bank account and save whatever money you get. </b>Everyone needs a bank account, even if they aren't working. A little tip: Get an account with a credit union if you can. They have better policies and practices. Save at least 50% of your paychecks and get it directly deposited into your savings. The interest rates are low at the moment but you should save anyway. That way in the case of an emergency you don't have to depend on anyone. Also if you start saving when you are young, even only $20 a month, you will get into the habit of saving for the rest of your life. It is critical as a young black women to be smart with money because of the economy and how men and other races get paid more for doing the same work. That's very sad but that's the way it is. Trust me, a rainy day will come and you will be thankful that you were proactive.<br />
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<b>13. Have fun! </b>This guide may seem like a lot of responsibility but honestly, all of these things will be fun if you have the right attitude! See everything as an opportunity to learn and get to know yourself.<br />
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Keep a diary or journal and write about your experience and feelings. You will make many memories that you will be able to look back on and be proud that you gave yourself so much love and didn't let anything hold you back from living your life to the fullest. You can even start a blog or youtube channel and make new friends as well as some money. Enjoy your youth and make the most of it.<br />
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I hope you enjoyed this post and found it useful. If you have any questions, comments or any requests for upcoming posts, leave a comment down below. Thanks!Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-77177148766462177642014-08-27T17:12:00.000-07:002014-08-27T17:12:37.877-07:00Little Black princessesHere are some pictures of adorable black baby girls! OMG my heart is aching Lol<br />
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<br />Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-22771363430056687912014-08-24T22:23:00.001-07:002014-08-24T22:23:50.475-07:00Why do some women "get" good men and I can't?You may have asked yourself this before? I know I have many times. It wasn't until I studied other women and the nature of "certain" men that I began to understand why some women attract and keep high quality and high-value men and why others can't.<br />
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What kind of women attract educated, wealthy, good mannered, masculine men?<br />
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Why do you think high value men go after a certain woman?<br />
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Looks play a big part. We all know but these women with all the "luck" (aka more life skills) get these men because they possess the traits/skills these men want and let it be known they have these skills.<br />
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How many of you dream of a certain type of man? Now how many went out looking for information on what said type of man is interested in, what kind of environment he is in, what he finds attractive, etc? You have no chance with this type of man unless you understand him.<br />
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What man wants a woman he can't hold a conversation with? Or can't introduce at a dinner party? Or knows nothing of his interests?<br />
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You need to educate yourself, train yourself, study the habits, hobbies and pleasures/interests if the man you are trying to attract and appeal to him.<br />
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Invest in growing yourself. A quality man can see the lackluster energy of a woman who's faking it. He wants someone who is on his level in some way, whether it's intellectually, physically, financially or emotionally or a combination of these.<br />
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Here are some tips.........<br />
-study what kind of neighborhoods your ideal type lives in and move into such neighborhood.<br />
-study what kind of hobbies he participates in and participate in such activities (future blog post)<br />
-find out what kind of education he has/is working on and acquire the same or similar degree or education (future blog post)<br />
-determine what kind of career he has and get your foot into that door (future blog post)<br />
-discover what personality traits he possesses and determine whether yours will match (very important)<br />
--live a similar lifestyle<br />
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There are some things that men are better at and that they will appreciate if you are good at, too. A few of these things are being smarter with money (quality men are savers, not spenders but are good at both), trying new approaches to problems, not making excuses (a quality man is a man of his word and very crafty). You should also learn how to walk away from situations or people that devalue you.<br />
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A high-value man doesn't want a woman with a "history". Be careful of who you date, befriend, work for, etc. A trashy past will compromise your future. Think of a CEO or a prince, would they not conduct a background check on the woman they want to marry? Yes, they will because why would they risk what they've worked hard for if it can be so easily taken away by a gold digger, scam artist, liar, ex-stripper/prostitute or any other woman that has engaged in risky behavior and can ruin his reputation?<br />
<br />Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-14560172631100879702014-08-24T22:23:00.000-07:002014-08-24T22:23:34.805-07:00The importance of not forgetting your daughter!Who wants their daughter to be a high school dropout? A job hopper? A young single mother on welfare? A baby mama?<br />
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Not me and I hope not you either!<br />
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<u>The grooming of a girl to become a woman of charm and the cherished wife of a good man is best started at a very young age.</u> By very I mean 4 or 5 years old. WHAT!? I know you're probably thinking I'm crazy but listen up. <b>When we are young we are malleable!</b><i> The things we hear, see and feel shape us in ways we don't realize.</i> As a young girl I would watch Tales of the Crypt with my mother. I was also exposed to classical music and played the violin my entire childhood. I grew up with an interest in "the dark side" and musical theatre, so now as a young lady my interests include musicals like "Phantom of the Opera", "Sweeney Todd", etc. I am also heavily involved in the local community theatre and fine art scene. Do you get it? <i>The lessons we learn, the skills we acquire, the hobbies we indulge in as children influence us for the rests of our lives. That's why it is important for us to raise our children a certain way.</i><br />
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I feel like as a collective, Black women, <i><b>we have gotten the short end of the stick</b>.</i> Our parents weren't looking out for us. I feel that the women/girls of other races were taught a lot of things that we weren't because the generations before us were so focused on "the brothas". For instance, my white and asian classmates have known things regarding dating, finance, marriage, nutrition/weight control that I have recently learned about the past year! That's horrible! Their families are looking out for them and trying their best to secure them a place in society while the BC is leaving Black girls to fend for themselves and ridicule them for the behavior that accompanies low self-worth, dysfunctional dating habits, fear of men, etc. The struggle is real for us, especially for the BW who were born into not-so-great situations, like single parent household, low-income households, the inner city, etc. If you aren't raised to have a high self-esteem, strive for a fine education, haven't travelled or been exposed to things that will make you well-rounded then it is very hard to socially climb :( There is hope though! <i>I think as long as you are a woman of value and are working to better yourself and are smart about who you date and learn how to take/use advice, you can break free of your less-than-stellar upbringing and secure a fabulous man to marry you and being your family legacy. </i><br />
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I don't have children yet but I know for sure that I am not going to ignore my daughters! In fact, my fiancee and I have opened a savings account specifically for the expenses involved with the upbringing of our children, such as advanced education (like tutoring or private school), extracurricular activities, summer camps, etc. My fiancee is Caucasian and grew up in a middle-class family so he already knows that the woman's role in society and in the family are just as important as the man's. Yes, the boys carry the family's name but daughters are important too!<br />
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My hope is that the women who read this blog will think less about what the BC and society thinks about us and more about improving yourself from the inside out and creating the life you want! I want to see less depressed struggling single mothers and more happy wife and moms.Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-44576385190351743652014-08-21T19:37:00.000-07:002014-08-21T19:40:14.699-07:00Being an Angry BW is understandable but don't let it take over your life!<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Why are BW angry? How we can stop being angry?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhseowWgWaLms1ywKzz7naUE4x_LNa9MK5MO9_5SaLVjHa4YBHjsOTZNC_mt6pUeeqYSmM9p36X_DlKMbcH1I1H9Q13sUFsRwWpshkEei1Bihv9cL4Cef8of6l7Hp2rmRyN8hZw32QkJai/s1600/Angry-Black-Woman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhseowWgWaLms1ywKzz7naUE4x_LNa9MK5MO9_5SaLVjHa4YBHjsOTZNC_mt6pUeeqYSmM9p36X_DlKMbcH1I1H9Q13sUFsRwWpshkEei1Bihv9cL4Cef8of6l7Hp2rmRyN8hZw32QkJai/s1600/Angry-Black-Woman.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Short answer: <b><i>We are the victims of racism and sexism. We can stop being angry by not giving a f&*k!</i></b> LOL</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
First, let's define anger. <i>Anger is an
emotional response to one's psychological interpretation of feeling
threatened. Anger is based upon projection of fear.</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Feeling threatened as a BW is
completely understandable</b> seeing as how <i>we face discrimination from
both racists and sexists</i>. We have the unique experience of being Black and a woman. <u>The women who march, protest
and rally for Black male victims of violent racism are the women who
focus only on racism; they do not see or care that they face sexism
from the very same men who they risk their lives protecting.</u> These
women do not see how these very same men are the ones who do not
protect them when they are victims of racism, too. They believe that
if there were no racism then their lives would be easier but that is
not the case. They still would be oppressed because they are women.
They refuse to accept the fact that we are not the preference of
“our” men . <u>They refuse to see that the modern BM's response to
racism is not to rebuild the community and be self-sufficient, but to
get revenge on the WM who oppress them and the BW who failed to raise
them to be real men.</u></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>BW are not bitter, we are disappointed.</b> Modern BM are the bitter ones. <u>They
punish women who remind them of their mother because they blame her
for failing to raise him and teach him how to be on level with WM, AM
and HM. He knows that he can't compete so instead of improving
himself and encouraging other BM to do the same, he resents his
own mother instead of his absent father (isn't that funny?).</u> The
ultimate revenge for him is to “steal” a WW, AW or HW from their
men who show him up in every way and try to “taint” that women
and produce children that are half him. It's all a game to get
revenge but instead of hurting WM, he is entertaining them. <i>Every
other race is laughing at his desperate attempt to get even instead
of get on par.</i> If BP back in the day had continued to build up Black
America instead of integrate with White America, the BC wouldn't be in the state it is now.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Black women are angry because we are
intelligent.</b><i> We see the world for what it is</i> and deep inside we know
what the BM's agenda is. <u>We handle this higher awareness by becoming
angry.</u> We stew in the anger and turn it inward, that's when it
becomes depression, low-self esteem and other self-destructive
behavior.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>What should we do about anger?</b> <b><i>Get rid
of the self-destructive habits that are caused by anger but keep
enough (a small amount) to fuel the spirit to do better! Turn the
disappointment from the BC into motivation to improve our lives. </i></b>Not
just your own life but for our daughters, nieces, sisters, friends
and neighbors. I don't expect every BW to jump on board as we have
been brainwashed to hate ourselves, thus some of us hate each other.
I have hate in my heart for NO ONE but I saw the world, especially
the BC for what it is at a VERY young age.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Here are some tips for letting go of
anger:</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Acknowledge it</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Seek help. I'm a big believer in
therapy.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Channel it. Not only will exercise
help you mentally but physically as well. Same with creative outlets
like writing poetry and singing.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Decide that you don't want to add
hate to this world.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Replace revenge and seeking
justice with a plan to strive for a better life.</div>
</li>
</ol>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
BW need to concentrate less on the
negative things about us on the tv, radio and social media. <b>Purge
your life from the bull crap!</b> What do you think WW, AW and HW do when
they read a negative article or blogpost or someone makes a joke
about them? Brush it off and keep doing them. They know they are
desired and work on themselves to get the best in education, jobs and
men. <u>BW should do the same.</u> We are desired, too. Men of all races
love them some sistas, don't let butthurt BM or mammies tell you any
different. You may have to move to Europe or change your whereabouts (move to a more populated places like NYC or London, get a job in a male-dominated field, hang out in social hangouts that you normally wouldn't) but there are men out there who not only like BW
but prefer us. The next time a comedian makes a joke about BW, <b>do not
get riled up and give your energy</b> to this fool! Make a note to make
sure not to give this person your resources (time and money) and keep
it moving.<u> Let the BM spend his time fighting racism and let the
white feminists spend their time fighting sexism. Both these groups
have proven that they don't care about BW so forget them!</u> You've got
better things to do sista! Like building a fabulous life and enjoying
the fruit of your labor and social climbing ;)</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
From now on, I want you to pledge to yourself that you will dedicate your time to things that are beneficial to your emotional, mental, financial, education and romantic well-being. Despite what you may have heard, BW are naturally beautiful, feminine, intelligent, sexy and creative. We deserve better but to get better we must learn how to respect and love ourselves.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Here is a list of what I will be
concentrating on. I'd like for you to take a look at it and come up
with your own list of what you'd like to do with all the free time
that you have now.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Obtaining an advanced degree.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Visiting at least 4 more
countries.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Having a fun and memorable
wedding.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Losing weight.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Finishing the list of books I want
to read.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Becoming more cultured.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Starting a non-profit.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Creating multiple streams of
income.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Buying my first house.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Expanding my skill set for access
to better jobs and more opportunities for side businesses.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Learning a third or fourth
language.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Improving my water color painting
skills.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blogging.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Building a fabulous wardrobe.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Learning more about fashion and
making my own clothing.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Growing my hair to waist length.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Publish my own cookbook.</div>
</li>
</ol>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
If you have any questions or comments,
leave a comment below and I will get back to you. I can also be
reached at enlightenedfemme (at) gmail.com</div>
Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-38394475872939768842014-08-03T16:35:00.002-07:002014-08-03T17:28:35.114-07:00The BW's Guide to Escaping PovertyIt's no secret that Black people know what struggle is. We've been struggling since we were brought to this continent and continue to do so. We have the freedom our slave ancestors didn't have but many of us aren't taking advantage of this freedom. I believe part of it is their is a system to keeping us down, in low paying jobs so we can fry the burgers and mop the floors that other people use. But among the Black community, especially the African-American community, there is a system to keep each other down! There is a theory called "<span style="color: orange;">crabs in a barrel</span>". It's defined as a syndrome where a group of people hurt those in their community attempting to get ahead. The collective community becomes jealous so they find ways to pull others down so they can all stay at the bottom.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt_MmkwU2jyiBM8eZLAAkp9Ju2sDCUdsS7bZ_NGdlL-Etre7mJi0mzfoFBYV9a3q5csdBzYyIKyy2V57JSJ2rYANlkiCLvSH0VFfbQdQfSPQH2KyiGGtfwc2MqxSoHRyDWAI-MYDtB5E2V/s1600/crabs-in-a-barrel-barbados-crab.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt_MmkwU2jyiBM8eZLAAkp9Ju2sDCUdsS7bZ_NGdlL-Etre7mJi0mzfoFBYV9a3q5csdBzYyIKyy2V57JSJ2rYANlkiCLvSH0VFfbQdQfSPQH2KyiGGtfwc2MqxSoHRyDWAI-MYDtB5E2V/s1600/crabs-in-a-barrel-barbados-crab.jpg" height="234" width="320" /></a></div>
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This applies to both genders but to Black women, we are ridiculed more for getting out of poverty/the hood because we are seen as the backbone. We are expected to birth Black babies, to take care of BM emotionally, sexually and financially and everything else. The community's problems are on our backs! Our girls are neglected and left to fend for themselves while we make excuse after excuse for BM, instead of teaching them to be real men. How many times have you heard someone accuse someone else of "trying to keep the Black man down" or letting a BM get away with doing horrible things by saying we can't "lock another brotha up"? How many times have you seen BM or even other BW defend a Black woman's femininity or her civil rights? How often do you see the Black community protecting our girls from rape, harassment and abuse? It's always our fault! </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifYEa0-w-cd6ZvMwCKcVGRXXQ1Gn36pecj7AaTPIPc2aBvVTm1WmmfPsXEPFoLFHgaMKiH6Vdgsbfj_vWeNG6F0jIjuUnzMpmt1pfQZIeQ0mnA7OKvicfGzhqmZkadIeVfug-e1Bi1RSvL/s1600/Ike-Turner-Meme-33-600x600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifYEa0-w-cd6ZvMwCKcVGRXXQ1Gn36pecj7AaTPIPc2aBvVTm1WmmfPsXEPFoLFHgaMKiH6Vdgsbfj_vWeNG6F0jIjuUnzMpmt1pfQZIeQ0mnA7OKvicfGzhqmZkadIeVfug-e1Bi1RSvL/s1600/Ike-Turner-Meme-33-600x600.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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It is time for Black women to take care of ourselves first. It's not our responsibility to solve all of the community's issues by ourselves. For the Black community to thrive, there needs to be equal effort from both sides and that's not going to happen soon. Trying to pull BM along on the rise is like pulling dead weight. There are good BM out there but it would be <b>THE WISE THING TO DO WOULD BE TO FOCUS ON YOUR OWN PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT, SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEPEND ON HANDOUTS, THE GOVERNMENT OR EVEN YOUR OWN HUSBAND.</b> Being a strong, independent woman doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's good to be emotionally strong and financially independent.</div>
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*IF YOU ARE YOUNG, UNDER-EMPLOYED, AND/OR NOT MARRIED, HIGHLY SUGGEST NOT HAVING CHILDREN. THEY ARE EXPENSIVE AND TIME CONSUMING IF YOU AREN'T ALREADY FINANCIALLY STABLE. BY STABLE, I MEAN MAKING ENOUGH TO NOT WORRY ABOUT HOW TO MAKE ENDS MEET. ITS NOT SMART TO BRING CHILDREN INTO THIS WORLD IF YOU CANNOT EVEN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY OR ESPECIALLY FINANCIALLY. BEING A SINGLE MOM IS NOT EASY SO DO NOT DO IT TO YOURSELF. YOU WILL BE SETTING YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD UP FOR "THE STRUGGLE" AND THAT'S NOT FAIR TO THAT CHILD. <b><i><u>BIRTH CONTROL IS FREE!!!!!</u></i></b>*</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">STEP #1: Decide that you deserve better!</span></div>
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The BW's relationship with the inner city is like one of domestic violence. It mistreats you, degrades and abuses you yet you still stay. It could be that some women think that's where they belong! No one belongs somewhere that doesn't suit their needs. Or it could be that you are comfortable there. That's not a good excuse though because if you have not experienced different, how do you know where you belong? How do you know there's not a better place out there? I promise you there is. This is a big world filled with interesting places, people and things. Google "the wanderlust project". It's a blog ran by a black woman who teaches abroad in Asian countries. She is gaining life experience, learning and trying new things as well as meeting new people she would have never met here in America! BW like her are inspirational, not the cast of the RHOA! Lol You can do whatever you put your mind to and I know for sure BW are creative, resourceful and intelligent so there's no reason why you can't accomplish your goals if you put your heart into it.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">STEP #2: Leave toxic situations/relationships.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
It can be dangerous leaving people behind if they were doing you no good. There are countless stories of women leaving abusive relationships and getting murdered. Not just from romantic relationships but from family and friends. When I decided to go to college, my own family members tried to convince me not to; they wanted me to work and help pay bills while my brothers and male cousins lived at home (free of cost) and chased women and worked on their dreams to be rappers (I'm being dead serious). When I refused, I was tossed away and left to fend for myself at 17. It was a tough road doing it myself but I made it and so did many other BW. So can you!</div>
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Here are some resources:</div>
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<u><b><span style="color: red;">Housing</span></b></u></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime;"><span style="background-color: white;">http://coabode.org/</span> </span><---- Check this out if you are a single mother. You can share a living space with another single mother and save money/put your resources together to get out of your current situation.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: lime;">http://www.thehotline.org</span>/</span> or 1-800-799-7233<----for domestic violence victims. Please don't be afraid to get help. Your life (and children's lives) depend on it. There is help for you.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: lime;">https://www.onecpd.info/homelessness-assistance/resources-for-homeless-persons/ </span><----resource for homeless or people at risk of being homeless</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Also, local churches (mainly Catholic) help those in need, whether it is rent, food, shelter, etc. You do not have to be of faith but from what I've seen, some do expect you to attend church if you are living in their housing.</div>
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<br /></div>
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For young women, I highly suggest looking into programs like:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: cyan;">Jobcorps (http://www.jobcorps.gov/home.aspx)</span> </span><--- housing, job training, helps with finding employment after training and will even pay for a year at community college (some campuses, not all)</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: cyan;">Youth Build (https://youthbuild.org/) </span><--- I'm not sure if they provide housing but they work with low income youth so they probably have resources to seek housing for participants</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: cyan;">California Conservation Corps (http://www.ccc.ca.gov/Pages/default.aspx)</span> </span><--- they house and pay you to do environmental work. The pay is not the best but you get to gain job experience, knowledge of the environment, housing and a stipend.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> STEP #3: Obtain legal employment.</span></div>
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No matter how sucky the pay, you need money. An hourly job won't get you completely out of poverty but it could keep you off the street, keep your belly full and help you while you pursue a higher education.</div>
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Some places still use paper applications but technology is taking over. Here are some websites that posts vacant jobs:</div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: purple;">craigslist.org</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: purple;">indeed.com</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: purple;">snagajob.com</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: purple;">monster.com</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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*Also, some companies don't post that they are hiring because they don't want to sort through a bunch of applications. Cold calling works too. Look up what companies are in your area, call to see if they are looking to hire or even go in and ask yourself.</div>
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Here are a list of companies that I know hire at 16 and up:</div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">McDonald's</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">Forever 21</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">Panera Bread</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">Baskin Robbins</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">Marshall's/TJ Maxx</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">Papa John's</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">JcPenney</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">KFC</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">Boston Market</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">Einstein's/Noah's Bagels</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">Burger King</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">Arby's</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">Chick-fil-A</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">Jamba Juice</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">Walmart</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">Target</span></div>
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and many other fast food, retail places.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I'm not sure if these programs below provide housing but they are still FREE programs that provide work experience and a paycheck. They all have experience working with people from low-income backgrounds. There is an age limit, though. If you don't qualify they will most likely point you in the direction of some place that will help you with your trade, education, employment goals.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: lime;">Americorps (americorps.gov)</span></div>
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<span style="color: lime;">City Year (cityyear.org)</span></div>
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<span style="color: lime;">Student Conservation Association (thesca.org)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">STEP #4: Learn a trade!</span></div>
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Not only will having a certificate and/or an AA degree increase your pay but you can also work for yourself. You can get a certificate at a trade school but beware that for-profit schools are usually expensive and can be a scam. <i><b>A local community college or apprenticeship can give you a certificate or AA at little to no cost.</b> </i>Chances are, if you are using this guide, you qualify for some sort of financial aid.</div>
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Here are some ideas/examples:</div>
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Cosmetology certificate-can be attained by attending a trade school, community college or through apprenticeship. With this certificate you can work in a salon, work from home or work for a cosmetics company at a beauty counter or store like MAC, Salon Centric, MACY's or Nordstrom. This trade has a stigma but there is a lot of money to be made in the beauty industry. After you gain some experience you can even own a beauty supply store (check your state's requirements for business licenses) or start your own hair care company. With social media nowadays, there are many ways to solicit customers.</div>
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Construction-this can be attained by community college or apprenticeship. I know what you are thinking: "A man's job?" It doesn't have to be! The labor union in the city of San Francisco encourages women and minorities to apply for the apprenticeship. So as a BW you definitely have a chance of getting it. It starts off at $22/hr and 40 hours a week and you get paid weekly. A friend of mine did it and even though she was capable of pulling her own weight on the work site, they trained her to be an elevator electrician. Her small size and flexibility (due to being a woman lol) helped her as an elevator electrician and she makes over $60/hr. She is is only 23!</div>
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Real estate-local community college or classes at Adult School. Lot's of people attempt this and fail. It's not for everyone but the information is useful to know. There's a lot of money in real estate, especially commercial real estate! After you finish your classes, I highly suggest seeking a mentor who works in a higher end market.</div>
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Here are some others:</div>
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<span style="color: blue;">Dental hygienist</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">Medical secretary</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">Paralegal</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">Web Developer</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">Court stenographer</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">Administrative Assistant</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">Notary</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">Insurance Agent</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">Bookkeeper</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">STEP #5: Set goals!</span></div>
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Now that you have gotten out of your current situation, it would be wise to ensure that you are never in the poorhouse/hood again. Saving money, no matter how small, is important in case of emergencies. Also, seeking higher education is very very important. Having an AA degree/certificate is good for getting a non-minimum wage job or starting a business but having at least a bachelor's or masters will not only increase your pay and employability but a college education helps you to become a well rounded person. If you like the current field you work in, you can obtain a degree in that field.</div>
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For example, you are a bookkeeper and love your job but want to move up. You can go to college and major in Finance or Accounting. That degree will widen your options, career wise.</div>
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If you are in the labor/construction field, you can get a business degree and own your own construction company. Or you could major in civil engineering and build communities in undeveloped areas or even move to a different country and work there!</div>
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<b><i>The possibilities are endless with a college degree! It takes a lot of time and money to get one but it's possible. Don't stress yourself out. If you cannot afford to go full time, then you can attend class part time after work or take some of your classes online. Progress is progress. For help paying for it, there are scholarships, grants and even loans you can take out to help you.</i></b></div>
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Visit:</div>
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<span style="color: orange;">fafsa.gov</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange;">fastweb.org</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">STEP #6 Invest and save!</span></div>
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When you are living paycheck to paycheck it is impossible to save. Even people who have five or six digit incomes have a hard time saving because of the necessary expenses like rent, food, car notes, insurance, etc. <u>Start off slow</u>, like adding $1 to your savings account. Next week, $2, then $5, then $10.</div>
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Here are some tips:</div>
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<i>-live with roommates</i>. With the right people it will be more affordable. The extra money you have left over you can save or invest in other things, like going to college or buying reliable transportation or paying off a debt</div>
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<i>-coupon</i>. There are a myriad of resources available online. Just google "how to coupon" or "couponing for beginners"</div>
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<i>-turn your hobby into a side job</i>. If you are skilled in something, you can use it as an opportunity to make extra cash. Good with babies? Babysit on the evenings or weekends? Can you do makeup? Make a facebook page of your work and network for birthday, prom and wedding gigs. Get creative</div>
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<i>-shop at discount stores and never pay retail price.</i> If you must have it, buy it online and use websites like ebates.com or ebay.com or look for online coupons</div>
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<i>-buy clothing at thrift stores in wealthier neighborhoods.</i> They will have name brands like J. Crew or even designer clothing. I've found some brand new clothing that still had the tag on it</div>
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<i>-look up consumer testing in your area.</i> You can test snack as well as video games and receive payment for your participation. I have taste tested iced coffee, strawberry shortcake ice dream, granola and energy drinks for $50 each as well as playing video games for $75 gift cards. Be wary of skin products, though.</div>
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Currently, interest rates on savings accounts are at the all time low but it would be wise to research your options for savings accounts. I will do a post on this later but it won't hurt to take a trip to the library and read books about investments.</div>
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<i>I hope this guide was useful for those of you looking for a way out of poverty. If you know someone who needs help, please send them this post. If you have any more ideas, leave a comment and I will add it to this post. Thank you!!!</i></div>
Enlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6751932653266948614.post-32482715881750845492014-07-15T10:00:00.000-07:002014-07-17T00:41:38.569-07:00First class treatment-Demanding respectI have a series of posts called "FIRST CLASS TREATMENT". It's about demanding respect, repairing your image and attracting high quality men and friends. Here is the first installment.<br />
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<b><i><u>Don't deny yourself first class treatment!</u></i></b><br />
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For the most part, people will treat you: 1) how you treat yourself or 2) how you let them.<br />
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<i>Have you ever had an issue with someone treating you badly? Lying to you, stealing from you, saying rude, disrespectful things? Or even making empty promises?</i><br />
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<i>Why do you think this person is acting this way? Could it be that they think you don't deserve respect? Could it be their personal problem, a reflection of the issues they have with themselves/the world? Are you telling them to treat you this way? I say it's all three!</i><br />
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How should you deal with said behavior?<br />
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According to the Law of Effect, the events following an action will weaken or strengthen the likelihood that it will occur again.<br />
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How does this play into the feminine Black woman's life? It's no secret that Black women have a reputation for allowing low-value, trifling men into our lives, our bank accounts, our wombs and our hearts. There are many reasons for this: low self esteem, ignorance about healthy relationships, mental illness, drug problems, little to no dating options (settling), low standards, etc. If we continue to allow this, we will be extinct. We will continue to be unhappy, unmarried women, single mothers and continue to be victims of domestic violence and even murder! Yes, murder. I know you've seen articles about Black women being killed by their partners or even their children being killed by partners. It's time for us to learn how to pick suitable mates. This involves identifying key patterns in falling prey to faulty men, dating techniques, education about domestic violence and how maintain a healthy relationship.<br />
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Let's start with acknowledging why some women allow men to treat them badly and how to stop it and attract better men (and friends).<br />
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<b>Don't put up with destructive, disrespectful behavior!</b><br />
Command respect by having displaying values, manners and expecting the same from people. When you don't set standards for the way you are to be treated, people will treat you however they wish. Some will be kind but others won't. There will be times when you have to deal with people and have no way around it, like at work.<br />
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If someone does or says something rude, bring it up. Explain to them that what they did offended you and how it made you feel but don't accuse them. People can get hostile if they feel like you are pointing a finger at them. A simple statement, such as "Hey___, that comment you made was in poor taste and it offended me. That's not very (professional, nice, insert adjective here)." Anyone with manners or a brain will realize that they messed up. That statements demands an apology and sometimes an explanation (if what they said wasn't meant to offend but just came out wrong instead). If they don't apologize, then you know this person is not someone to continue socializing with.<br />
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It's important to let someone know that you will not tolerate such behavior. It warns them that if they continue, they will lose you. You don't want to be around people who don't respect your boundaries. If you always turn the cheek, you will end up with a sore face! Believe me, I am very meek in nature and I've had many situations where I've learned how to stick up for myself.<br />
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<b>Exude confidence through your body language.</b><br />
Having good posture does more for you then make you look taller! Non-verbal signals also tell people how to react to you. Crossing you arms makes you look guarded, staring at the ground while you walk and talk makes you seem as though you think you don't deserve to look people in the eye (low confidence), fidgeting gives off the vibe that you are insecure or bored. How would people who don't know you react to this? They may be aggressive to you because your crossed arms will make it seem as though you are a defensive person.<br />
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Sometimes, we get nervous and give off these non-verbal signals on accident but it's important to fix this because you may be giving off clues on your self treatment and not even know it. Have a friend observe you in your natural state and give feedback on how you carry yourself and try to correct them. Google is your friend :)<br />
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<b>Show people what is important to you by treating yourself like a princess.</b><br />
Spending time and putting effort into the things that matter to you show people that you care about yourself and that it's important to you. People will know that they need to HONOR them. Calling sick into work or class to hang out with your friends will show them that your job is less important than having a good time with them. Eventually they will start disrespecting your responsibilities and even you! Stopping by late at night, interrupting your study time, etc. That's not what you want or deserve. Teach people how to treat you by treating yourself.<br />
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Stay tuned for more, princess. xoxoEnlightened Femmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16204191094111562225noreply@blogger.com2