Feminine hobbies

I have compiled a list of hobbies for those of you who are looking for something fun to fill up your spare time.

• soap making

• flower arranging

• cooking/baking

• gardening

• painting

• language learning

• reading and writing

• playing an instrument

• dancing

• sewing/crocheting

• singing

• interior designing

Hobbies are important because they give you something to look forward to and feel good. Feminine hobbies are important for harnessing your femininity and creativity. You can take any of the hobbies above and make it an outlet for stress, sadness, happiness, hope, joy. etc.

My favorite hobbies are sewing and gardening because I feel that they are both vintage and it makes me feel extra lady like :) I put on some soft music and I can sew/garden for hours! Plus when you find something you are passionate about, you yearn for improvement and seek knowledge about the subject. For instance after I grew my first tomato vine, I wanted to grow more types of tomatoes and now I have 13!

What are your favorite hobbies?

Celebrating the holidays

When December 1st rolls around, it's almost like my own little world inside my head goes a little bit coo-coo and into a hazy cloud of glitter, fairy lights, and all things festive. My personal favourite time of year :)

I've always had a vague notion that traditions and rituals were good for you. My family thought it was corny that I made cards and dressed up for each holiday even if we didn't celebrate it ( like St. Patrick's day) but I enjoyed it! And as it turns out, decades of research back up my hunch on this topic.

Since the 1950s researchers have studied the role of traditions in family life. Not just holidays but any routine or set of behaviors that has a symbolic meaning and says "this is who we are" as a group. Psychologists link these kinds of practices with higher academic success, happiness and emotional well being for the family. When parents ascribe a high level of meaning to rituals, the children are found to have better emotional skills. Not only that, but it aids in marital satisfaction as well :) Practicing meaningful traditions also relieves stress and lowers anxiety levels.

Why are rituals so powerful? They offer regularity and a sense of order. When you know what to expect and have a feeling of "this is the way my family does things" it helps you make sense of the world. Do you remember how excited you got when you made your favorite Christmas recipe with your mother? Or when you made gingerbread houses at school? You have every right to still get excited about those things as you get older. In "Family Routines and Rituals by Barbara Fiese" it states that the more meaningful older teenagers felt their family rituals were, the more likely they are to have a strong sense of themselves and be able to handle the stress of going to college freshman year.


What I like to do is what most people do every Thanksgiving. They say what they are grateful for, etc. Every holiday I reflect on what I am grateful for, what I am working towards, what goals I have achieved since the last holiday, etc. It sounds like a lot but I have found that talking to myself and keeping track of my personal development helps me get to know myself more. As I've said in a previous post, I have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past and have learned how to cope through times of grief like the loss of my younger brother and financial problems in the past. I am a big stickler for emotional health and I value the holidays because each one gives me the chance to celebrate something beautiful about life.

If this sounds like a good idea to you and you'd like to try it, I suggest getting a notebook and using it as a journal. Or you can even start a blog :) Here are some prompts:
1.Dear past me...
2. Dear future me...
3.The people you most admire
4.What book did you read over and over again as a child?
5. What would your perfect day be like?
6.How would your best friend describe you?
7.Name your top 5 short term goals

Now onto Christmas-y things!

Food

30 comfort winter soups

Ginger Bread Cupcakes Recipe

Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate

Decor

Christmas chalkboard decor

White Christmas

So pretty

Green & White

Drinks

Cranberry Mimosa

Sparkling Sugar Plum Punch

Beauty

Themed nails

More nails

Alex nails


Enjoy the holidays and treat yourself well.

Winter Time

1. Try a humidifier. It works wonders for the skin, hair and sinuses.

2. Wear dresses! Yes, you can still wear pretty and feminine dressed during the winter as long as you layer to keep warm. Wear leggings underneath, a coat over it and add a scarf or jewelry.

*What you can also do it wear patterned tights to add some oomph

3. Get your vitamin D. Our melanin blocks some the Vitamin D from the sun that we need and it gets worse in the winter time. Vitamin D deficiency can worsen the symptoms of depression, anxiety and a variety of physical ills like joint paints and muscle spasms. Consult with your doctor before starting a vitamin regimen. You can also drink a cup of orange juice :)

4. Wear a bold lip.

5. Get some glitter and sparkle!

Why I left facebook and Distractors

I created a facebook page to share my blog posts and interact more with people. I knew there were other BW out there who are interested in gaining social status, sharing tips on class, beauty advice, dating advice, health tips and many other things. I was interested in connecting with other forward-thinking BW. By forward-thinking I mean BW who think outside the box that society wants to put us in, BW who want to develop into graceful, classy and pioneering women who aren't afraid of following their dreams because it's not something that "black women do". I want to replace the image of BW around the globe from despair and struggle to mysterious, enticing and beautiful. I already know how sexy, intelligent and creative we are but I want the whole world to know. I want the future generations of little black girls to not be treated like adults at a young age, to not be hypersexualized and not deemed as masculine and unworthy of protection.

I actually did find quite a few BW like that but also I got a lot of death threats, crazy messages and general cattiness. Facebook can be pretty messy anyway but I got sick of the constant drama. I found out some things about my favorite "bwe" bloggers that made me change my view on them! so I decided to delete the page and I feel much better :)

But you know what I noticed? That a lot of BW only like, comment on and share things that are about dissing black guys, exposing anti-bw and/or colorist celebrities, crime, etc. My posts about losing weight, makeup, skin care and job opportunities/college had the least activity. Some BW claim to want to move on but they seriously don't want to. They recognize that they need to leave the Black community behind but are all talk and no action. You have to do more than move out of Blackistan, you have to stop reading toxic articles, un-friend troublesome people,etc.

What really makes me laugh is how African-Americans like to tell other black people from Latin America or Europe that we aren't the same as them and shouldn't use their slang and don't identify with them. Not just online but in real life I have been excluded by African-Americans once they found out that I was born in a Latin country. I have been told on numerous occasions that I do not understand what it's like for African-Americans because I am "hispanic" and therefore have a different experience. But if I refer to myself as brown as I do on my blog, then people get upset at that, too. "So...what, we can't be black anymore?" *sigh* So what is it?

I did not grow up privileged. The hoods of America aren't the worst places in the world so miss me with that. I will not share my personal story but know that I was the poster child of forgotten children: poor, black, female, immigrant, foster care, inner city, etc. I found a way out of that, I found a way to be happy and make a place for myself in the world. I am still young but I have created a life for myself that doesn't involve the tale of woe that so many BW like to share with the world. I'm sick of those movies like Precious, Tyler Perry, etc. and the constant articles online of BW crying about BM not wanting them, racism this, racism that. Some people are addicted to dysfunction and if you value yourself you will separate yourself from all negativity, purge the pain out of your life and morph into the woman you want to be. Transformations are not exclusive to hollywood movies and tv shows, you have the power of determining your future if you actually put effort into it.

Even if only one person reads this blog and learns a new technique or discovers a new hobby they didn't know about then I will be happy. I have decided to change this blog a little. I will be posting what advice I can give and find for certain topics. I am here for other young, like-minded BW who are interested in social status, higher education, marriage/relationships, being nice and friendly, losing and maintaining normal weight, beauty advice, goal setting, wealth resources, etc. and any other things I think we should share.

____________________________________________________________________

Anyway.....

I'm sure we all have met people who purposely tried to distract us, throw us off our game or hurt our self esteem. It especially hurts when it comes from someone we love. There's no magic cure for the people who do it and there's no way to get people to stop. It's a part of life. We are going to run into people who, for one reason or another, don't like us or don't want us to achieve something. It's not your responsibility to change them, the only thing you can do is not let them succeed at it. 

Whether you are into something that isn't stereotypically "black" like cosplay or hockey, if you are in a sub-culture besides the urban scene, or interracially date, there will be people who will try to make you feel like you are doing something wrong. They'll try to embarrass you, try to force you to explain why you do it, try to convince you that you're crazy, etc. Not only have you seen it, by I have witnessed it countless times. I believe the reason why they do this is because you do not fit into the box they want to put you in and it makes them more comfortable

Here are some of the things you may have heard:

-"Black people don't do _________________". This is said to "other" you and make you feel outcasted. The intent is to make you want to fit in and conform to their standards.

-"After all the horrible things white people did, how can you date one?" This is supposed to guilt you out of dating who you want. Don't ever feel guilty for wanting to date who treats you right regardless of race.

-"You'll never be accepted by white people" This one cracks me up because I certainly don't expect all white people to accept me nor do I want them to. I'm not a people pleaser and I don't care who is okay with my choices. You shouldn't be either. Besides, it's not like the black community will accept you for who you are. 

-"My cousins/brothers/daddy/uncle are black and they dont act like that! Don't paint all BM with the same brush". When BW bloggers say f&*k BM, we don't mean each and every one because it is impossible to know the mindset of each BM...we mean the collective. It is painfully clear that BM do not like or respect us. They have been trying to seperate themselves from us for DECADES yet some BW are still blind and want to continue to march and cape for them. I see young black boys like pitbull puppies. They are cute while small but I know they will become a threat when they get older.

-"White men only want you for sex". Any bm don't? Why are 70% of black kids born out of wedlock?

-A common one said by white feminists is, "ALL women face domestic violence, street harassment, etc. Why do you have to make it about race?" We may face the same issues but they are handled differently due to racism. The police are less likely to help a BW being abused, judges are less likely to prosecute the aggressor of a BW.

The point of saying these things is to distract you from whatever you are doing, They want to persuade, guilt or shame you into thinking like them. My biggest piece of advice is not to engage in conversation with these people. Don't try to explain yourself to them, just ignore it. If they get pushy then say "I don't want to discuss this with you" give them a quick smile and remove yourself from the conversation. Walk away, go back to your work, start a conversation with someone else, etc. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your life choices.

I have a few posts drafted up and almost ready to post. The holidays have made my job very busy and I got married! The wedding was here in Northern California and we had a second ceremony in Switzerland for his family. I hope the Holidays treat you well. Take care!

Taking care of your body: EXERCISE!

No matter what your body shape is (see below) it is very very important to take care of it. Not just for attracting a high value man, but for optimal health, a longer life and your mental health. Yes, taking care of your body will raise your self esteem! Even if you are not yet at the goal weight and shape that you want just putting time and effort into improving your body will make you feel better about yourself. You will begin to see yourself as something worth investing in and loving.

Most people consider hourglass to be "the sexiest" but I have to disagree! All body shapes are beautiful and should be celebrated! It doesn't matter if you are top heavy or bottom heavy or not heavy at all. It's more about how toned you are and in-shape. I believe a trim waist, shapely legs and toned arms are the most important. Having a big butt, big chest or a thigh-gap is not important. Strive to be the best YOU and not compare yourself to another woman because we are all different.

Along with exercise, diet is very important. In fact, I would say that diet is MORE important but I will make another post for that.

Here was my starting regime:

Monday-stretch, 30 minutes cardio (elliptical or treadmill), ab workout, stretch

Tuesday-stretch, 15 minutes cardio, 15 minute arm workout, stretch

Wednesday-rest

Thursday-stretch, 15 minutes cardio, 15 minutes leg workout, stretch

Friday-stretch, 30 minutes cardio, ab workout, stretch

Saturday-rest

Sunday-stretch, fun class (zumba, ab blaster, tahitian dancing, etc.), stretch

*Every two weeks, increase your time/number of reps. For instance, in two weeks, go from 30 minutes on the elliptical to 40. Increase from 15 minutes on your arms to 20. Slow increases help prevent injuries.

*Keep track of the weight and number of reps you are doing. Example: lifting 20 lbs or doing 15 push ups at a time

Here are some videos on youtube that I suggest using in beginning your exercise regime.

Stretching your bottom half:

Stretching your top half:

Ab workout (my fav):

Leg workout:

Arm workout:

Thanks for reading!

Soft, Feminine Makeup: Product Recommendations

Here are recommendations for makeup products for someone who wants to wear makeup but isn't into bright, in-your-face colors. These are soft, neutral and complimentary to most skin tones.

Base
I chose BB Cream, Tinted Moisturizer because most women don't need foundation. I don't have perfect skin. I have scars that are taking months to fade but what I have found is I look waaaaaay better if I apply concealer on the spots then put some powder on. It looks like I naturally have flawless skin and my face doesn't get oily and look like my makeup is melting off. If you wear full coverage foundation, give it a try and let me know how it works.

Budget: ELF BB Cream ($6)

Mid: I haven't tried any mid priced TM or BB creams. Only ELF and pricey ones =/

HE:  Nars Tinted Moisturizer ($42 at Sephora)

Eyeshadow Palettes

Budget: Covergirl Eye Enhancer 4 Shadow Kit in "Daring Nudes", "Fairy Tale" and "Prima Donna" ($4-$6 at your local drugstore)

Mid: Clinique A Black Honey Affair ($36 at Sephora)

HE: Guerlain  Écrin 6 Couleurs Eyeshadow Palette - Rue des Francs-Bourgeois ($90 at Sephora)

Mascara

Budget: Wet N Wild Mega Volume Mascara ($2 at local drugstore). This is the first brand of makeup that I've tried and I will always love. They produce great quality at amazing prices.

Mid: L'oreal Voluminous Mascara ($9 at CVS)

HE: Benefit They're Real Mascara ($23 at Sephora). Most would consider this mid range and not high end but $23 for a small tube of mascara is expensive to me LOL This is the one I currently use. The formula is pretty wet though so I suggest not blinking rapidly for a minute until it dries

Lips

Budget: NYX Megashine Lipglosses ($2-$5 depending on where you buy; CVS, Ulta or online)

^^ Since our lips tend to be pigmented, the brighter pinks still don't look very bright so you can get away with Tea Rose in an everyday look

Maybelline Baby Lips ($4). These are more like chapstick but certain flavors have a tint to them

Mid: Revlon Lip Butters ($6-$8)

^^They look scary lol but they are sheer versions of lipsticks. Like with the nyx lipglosses, since our lips are more pigmented, they don't show up as bright. My favorite is Brown Sugar :)

HE: Stila Lip Glaze ($22). They are pretty thick and goopy so use sparingly. A little goes a long way

Cheeks
I usually don't wear blush in the daytime but if you aren't wearing a bold eye or lip, color on your cheeks won't clash.

Budget: NYX blush in "Terracotta" or "Raisin" ($3 at cherryculture.com)

Mid: L'Oreal True Match Blush in "Sweet Ginger" ($7 at CVS)

HE: MAC blushes in "Sweet As Cocoa", "Raisin", or "Format" ($22 at MAC)

Sweet As Cocoa

Raizin

Format

You can also wear a little bronzer instead of blush. Covergirl queen collection has a few that are beautiful! They contain shimmer, which bring attention to the area so if you have large pores and/or acne on your cheeks I would stay away from shimmer and use a color that's matte or satin finish.

Did you notice the color palette for these products? Using soft colors on your face will give a natural and soft feminine look. Brown, pink, purple all look good on brown skin, no matter the hue. I left out eyeliner on purpose as I think it looks pretty harsh in the daytime. If you'd like to wear eyeliner, try a dark brown instead of black.If you have any questions or comments, please don't hesitate to leave a comment below. Thanks!