Moving On

Black women have an image of being bitter and angry, both of which are understanding because many of us are born into bad situations and suffer. Unfortunately, some of us are born into single-parent homes with a stressed out mother trying to provide for the family, grew up in unsafe neighborhoods with a bad public school system and many other sad circumstances. Sexual abuse and domestic violence are big issues in the black community and are often ignored. If you bring these topics up around other Black people, you will get accused of "airing our dirty laundry to the white folks". Yes, people still talk like that in 2014. LOL! So the Black community is aware of the problems many Black women have but they still criticize us for being damaged because of it. Makes no sense, huh? We are brainwashed, degraded and abused and told to "get over it". Well, that's what we will do :) And when we are over it, we will leave those negative people behind and live the life we desire!

As black women, having a bad background can no longer be an excuse for us. Being angry and bitter is what is expected and is holding us back. I strongly recommend seeing a therapist. A college professor once told me that the people who deny needing mental health services are the ones who need it the most! Everyone needs someone to talk to, someone to help them deal with the stress life brings but it's very very important for a damaged woman to seek these services. There is a stigma of having a mental illness like depression and anxiety in American society but even more so in the Black community because it is considered a "white people's problem" and we are told that we have to be strong all the time! We have been strong since we were enslaved and brought to this country and its time to let go. Its time to that that extra weight off and be spiritually free. It's not possible for anyone to be strong all the time without breaking and we shouldn't have to.

I will talk more about mental illness in a later post. This post will be about things you can do outside of professional services. These are some tips to start healing yourself and becoming the feminine, lovely Black queen that you are! It all starts in your head.

Moving on and letting go:

1. Get it out. Write in a journal, tell a therapist or trusted person, sing or even draw about what is inside of you, what is hurting. Having pent up anger, sadness, anxiety will only make the wounds hurt more. You will never be able to get over things if you hold onto them!

2. Leave the past behind. The man who played you and left you with children to fend for yourselves, the father who abandoned you, the bully who made you feel small, the teacher who didn't believe in you are all in your past. Do you think they are losing sleep over what they did to you? No! Accept your enemies, bullies and even failed goals/dreams and prepare to move on. Don't move on with the intention of impressing these people with your success. Don't do it for them. They aren't thinking of you, remember?

 Just because someone hurt you doesn't mean that's what you deserve. Just because someone made you feel like you are ugly, doesn't make you ugly. Just because someone told you that you are stupid doesn't mean that you are stupid! The way someone treats you says more about them than about you. Abuse turns into a cycle. There is a saying: "Hurt people hurt people". It's true! One damaged person hurts an innocent person, then that once innocent person takes out their anger on someone else, who in turn hurts someone else. The cycle needs to stop WITH YOU. Your offspring shouldn't suffer from your bad dating habits and be exposed to no-good men just because your father abandoned you and you never learned how to attract a respectful, high quality man. Your spouse should not have to put up with your attitude problem because you distrust all men because of sour relationships with previous boyfriends. It's true that all women suffer from this but it is important as a Black woman to be aware of this vicious cycle and correct it because the odds are stacked against us and we have a negative image that makes things hard for us to move up and move on.
Don't feel bad about what happened to you sista, feel relieved that it is over. Feel grateful that you survived and can learn from this experience.

3. Figure out what you want in life, but do not put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect. Society already does that job for you =/ Be honest with yourself and set achievable but challenging goals. Our goals should serve as a map to get exactly where we want to go.

4. Forget about perfection! Chasing perfection is chasing the unachievable. Learn from mistakes instead of getting discouraged by them.

5. Become an early riser. When you have more time in your day to complete tasks, learn, explore hobbies, etc. you will feel more wholesome and it will raise your confidence and sense of self. Having a pleasant present and a promising future will help you get over your past and maybe even make you feel grateful for it! Adversity builds character.

6. Get rid of negativity. Get rid of toxic friends, men who disrespect you, people who don't have your best interest at heart. Don't let racist people hurt your feelings, don't let sexist people make you feel like less of a woman. Don't let feminazis make you feel guilty for expressing your femininity. You deserve to be happy. Block out the negativity and you will have more room for the positivity and growth!

7. Do more by doing less. Do more of what produces good results and less of what doesn't.

8. Make this journey fun. Discover what makes you smile, laugh and feel warm inside and do these things often. Your smile is beautiful, your laughter is musical and your spirit is pure. You deserve to do these things and the world needs to see it! Have fun and enjoy your life while working hard to make your goals a reality.

Thanks for reading this post and I hope this is helpful to you all.