1. Learn how to socialize and develop friendships. Learning how to talk to people and make friends is important to everyone but it doesn't come easy to some. There are some adults who don't know how to talk to people! Smiling, appearing approachable and friendly will help attract people to you but learning the art of conversation will take you far. Everyone needs friends but for women, having friends is extra important! Lol We need others to have a shoulder to cry on, to give you honest opinions, to laugh and talk with, to learn life lessons and seeing other points of view. I suggest making friends with a variety of people from different backgrounds, whether they are a different race, gender, social group, age or socio-economic status. People who are different from you in those ways (and more) offer fresh perspectives in life and teach you things. Here is a link to an article on how to strike up a conversation with someone you don't know:
How to start a conversation
*Making new friends is fun but be careful, not everyone is friendly and has your best interest at heart! Among young women, there is a lot of jealousy and backstabbing and bullying. Don't tell another person your innermost secrets, desires and dreams when you first meet them. Even if you have known them for years, it is best to keep some things to yourself.
Flirting is also a good skill to learn. Lol more on this in another post but for a teen you can definitely learn to flirt, talk to guys (around your age please) and just learn about guys in general.
There are many opportunities to become friends with guys, through church, school activities, volunteering, through friends, etc. I don't think having a boyfriend in high school is bad but since there a lot of things you should be doing to become a well rounded person, you may not have time. It is important to learn how to act around the opposite sex, though. I highly suggest not having sex because not only are teenage boys immature enough to tell everyone or even secretly videotape you (it's happened!) but there's a risk of STDs and pregnancy. Teenage boys can also be dangerous, there are some with mental issues and misogynistic views and they will rape you or spread rumors that you are a "slut" or a "whore". My pieces of advice regarding dating are:
1. Don't give it up! Guys respect things that they have to work for and if you just hand it to him he will leave you after or only keep you around for sex and date another girl who he can enjoy chasing.
2. Don't get too attached. Everyone you meet leaves an impression on you but dating isn't how it used to be. Guys in their teens aren't looking to get married. They just want to be around and with girls. There's a chance he could be your high school sweetheart and you'll be together forever but don't count on it. Have fun, flirt, laugh and joke together. Have your first kiss, go on dates and to school dances but don't expect a ring and don't believe him when he says he loves you. Some guys say this so you let your guard down and sleep with him but not all guys are bad. Some guys confuse like or lust with love and they think it's romantic to say those three words because they think that's what all girls want to hear.
3. Let him treat you nice. Let him open doors, pay for your lunch, carry your books, walk you home and buy you things. Some people say that guys aren't required to do this but I think it shows that he comes from a good family and has a very good upbringing. If he does these things, he probably has a good relationship with his mother and his father taught him to respect women. You want to get used to this type of guy so when you are older you know how to get along and be with a man who is respectful, kind and knows how to treat a lady. You don't want to be one of those jaded mistrustful women who gives a side-eye to a guy who brings you roses or rejects a well-mannered man because she thinks he's up to something.
4. Don't waste your time on a guy who only talks about sex, uses pick up lines or tells you what to wear/how to wear your hair, etc. These are red flags for boys who feel entitled to girls and are possibly controlling, abusive and extremely judgmental. How many guys have you met that boast loudly about the type of girl they want or like? Stay away from this type because chances are he sees you as an object and will get angry if you don't fit his expectations.
2. Learn how to drive. Get your license as soon as you can. Even if you don't have the money to get a car right away. The longer you have your license, the less insurance will cost you in the future. Plus, you never know when you will need it.
3. Focus on school. Not only will getting good grades help you get into college, be eligible for scholarships and help you get a part time job but there are also other benefits to being studious during your high school years. Good attendance, the ability to concentrate and juggle multiple things and completing projects by the deadline aren't things that are strictly for high school. All good jobs expect you to be able to do these things. High school isn't pointless; it prepares you for the real world, contrary to what some people say about it. Anyone who tells you that school isn't a big deal is probably someone who didn't do as good as they wanted to and is bitter or doesn't want a young black women to succeed. Ignore them. Students with good grades are respected by their peers and teachers. I made friends with many other hardworking and motivated students who continued to support and motivate me even after high school ended. It is good to be surrounded by people who also have goals! Don't be ashamed or afraid to go to the library during lunch or after school to get some work done because you will be surrounded by other people who want to get ahead in life. Also, teachers love students who care about their grades and will go above and beyond to help you with anything if they know that you are passionate about succeeding. My high school english teacher was the one who got me my first job!
Here is an article with tips to help you excel in school. I also like to watch youtube videos and read tumblr blogs by high school and college students regarding study tips, stress reduction and organization tips.
How to Excel in High School
4. Learn what colors and fashion styles look best on you. Your teen years are the best time to figure out what looks good on you because you have the freedom to look funny, a hot mess and try out new things LOL Dye your hair a new color, experiment with makeup, try a new fashion style, etc. Here are a few articles that should help. I highly suggest reading them and then going to a reputable hair stylist, personal shopper, and makeup artist. Even if you don't intend on spending a ton of money it is best to get advice in person because they will be able to tell you better than anyone online can. They are trained to know how to help people! As far as the personal shopper goes, they are mainly in high end places like fancy department stores and boutiques =/ I suggest acting like you are rebuilding your wardrobe, taking notes and leaving LOL they may be irritated that you wasted their time but that's the only way I can think of.
Your best colors
Your style
Your body shape
Fashion Tips for Beginners
5. Take care of your skin. Your teen years are probably the worst for the skin. Many girls suffer from excessive oiliness and acne. Plus, girls with dark skin tend to get hyperpigmentation (acne scarring). Acne scars are almost as bad as acne itself. Go to a dermatologist for topical or oral medication that will help but a skin care routine is important to. If you take medication for your skin then use products made for sensitive skin and that doesn't interfere with the medicine. If you prefer a less clinical approach, you may find supplements a good choice. You should talk to a doctor before you start but here are a few that I know work for sure:
-MSM
-Fish Oil
-Biotin
-Silica/Horsetail
Also, drink at least a liter of water a day. Wear sunscreen (yes, dark skin can get skin cancer too!) and wash your face before bed. Change your pillow cases every other night and use silk or satin pillowcases to prevent your skin from getting dry.
The basic skin care routine is a cleanser, toner and moisturizer. A cleanser's purpose is to clean off the sweat, dirt and grime from the environment. Choose a gentle one that has natural ingredients or one with the least amount of ingredients. Some people say that toners are useless and a good cleanser should enable you to not need one but they are just confused. A toner's job isn't to clean but to restore the skin's pH and help your skin absorb the nutrients that the moisturizer has. Black women have beautiful skin and should take good care of it. Black skin glistens in the sun and is the object of envy of a lot of people (they just won't admit it LOL). A daytime moisturizer should contain spf and a night time should contain ingredients that help the skin. Young ladies with acne should use one with salicylic acid, dry skin should contain moisturizing ingredients like vitamin E and normal skin can do without one but a basic one from like St. Ives shouldn't hurt. Also, once a week you should do a face mask to do a deep cleansing. They are very cheap and you can even google "DIY face mask" and make one from the ingredients from your fridge. A post on skin with further detail will come up soon.
7. Do volunteer work. Not only will this help you build an awesome resume but it will get you more involved in the community, expose you to new people and environments and also raise your self esteem. Knowing that you are capable of making a change in the world will make you feel better about yourself. You can also make connections for the future. Volunteering can help you get a good idea of what you might want to do as a career. A few ideas for where to volunteer:
-Hospital. There might be a gift shop, maternity ward or any clerical work that can be done by a young person.
-Humane Society/animal shelter. You'll learn how to take care of animals.
-Senior citizen living community. They will have you answering phones, help with recreational activities, etc.
-Real estate office.
-Summer camps
-Garden center/nursery
-Library
-Museum/Aquarium
-Theatre. My local theatre has volunteer ushers and they get to watch the play, ballet or concert for free!
Another pro for volunteering is that it will expose you to people that you wouldn't normally be in contact with. As a black teen, especially if you live in the inner city, it is important to know people who can help you for jobs and other opportunities, like housing and resources. There are lots of good jobs that don't get posted on job boards and windows because the employer doesn't want any ol' person applying and having to shift through hundreds of resumes and applications. Being connected to people who have connections, money and resources is important. For instance, I got my first non-fast food job because my volunteer supervisor's brother was a real estate broker and needed someone to organize his files. I had expressed my desire to leave the bagel place I was working at to my supervisor at the Humane Society and since she knew I was a good worker, responsible and kind, she referred me to her brother.
8. Find a new hobby. Hobbies release stress, are a great creative outlet and build your character. They also build your self esteem because you have something you enjoy and are good at. Hobbies also keep you from being bored. Boredom is dangerous. Bored teens are prone to depression, drugs, excessive alcohol consumption and loneliness.
Also, for the young ladies who are interested in swirling, getting involved in things that are outside the "black spectrum" will bring you around a more diverse crowd. Here are some examples:
-sports like golf, tennis, water-polo, swimming, surfing, lacrosse and horseback riding
-sewing, watercolor painting, ceramics
-theatre like plays and musicals. You can also learn about fine art and visit museums
-learn how to sing classical music and/opera
9.Learn a language. The world is your oyster, young black girl! You can go anywhere you want but it would be easier if you could understand other people and don't get lost, no? Lol most high schools offer language courses but there are also community college classes you can take. You can also rent cd's and dvd's from the local library. Some languages you may find useful are:
-Spanish. This should be a requirement for all Americans because the Latino community is growing at a fast rate and spanish is a language that a lot of employers want.
-French
-Italian
-Cantonese or Mandarin
-Japanese
-German
-Arabic
10. Find a part time job or start your own business. It's smart to start building your resume and get some money in your pocket. If you are involved in extracurricular activities and/ or volunteering then you may find it to be too much to get a job but it's doable. Many fast food and retail places hire 16 year olds so I suggest you start there. Also, you can babysit, clean houses, mow lawns and run errands (if you have a car). Get creative! You can turn your hobby into a money maker (photography skills, web design, dance competitions, tutoring, etc).
11. Take care of your body. While obesity affects people of all ethnicity and ages, it's imperative that young black women take care of their bodies! Being overweight puts you at risk of heart disease, diabetes and other diseases. A toned body will boost your self esteem and make you look better in clothes. From experience, I know that black girls are shamed for our bodies whether we are fat or skinny. Everything we do is ridiculed so body size and weight are sensitive subjects. I have nothing against fat girls, I just don't think it's anything to enable and is unattractive. I don't expect every woman to have the perfect hour glass shape, that's ridiculous. But I do want more young black women to eat healthy, exercise and watch their weight.
For the young swirlers, other races of men prefer slender bodies. The black community will tell you that real women have curves and that you don't need to lose weight. Don't listen! Having a big butt or a full chest isn't bad at all. In fact curves are beautiful! But you can have curves and be thin.
Zumba, martial arts, swimming, pilates, ballet are some ideas for fun ways to keep your health and body in good shape. Eat your vegetables raw or steamed; eat plenty of fruits; drink water and unsweetened green tea; eat candy, soda and carbs in moderation; and reduce stress as it can lead to weight gain believe it or not.
12. Open a bank account and save whatever money you get. Everyone needs a bank account, even if they aren't working. A little tip: Get an account with a credit union if you can. They have better policies and practices. Save at least 50% of your paychecks and get it directly deposited into your savings. The interest rates are low at the moment but you should save anyway. That way in the case of an emergency you don't have to depend on anyone. Also if you start saving when you are young, even only $20 a month, you will get into the habit of saving for the rest of your life. It is critical as a young black women to be smart with money because of the economy and how men and other races get paid more for doing the same work. That's very sad but that's the way it is. Trust me, a rainy day will come and you will be thankful that you were proactive.
13. Have fun! This guide may seem like a lot of responsibility but honestly, all of these things will be fun if you have the right attitude! See everything as an opportunity to learn and get to know yourself.
Keep a diary or journal and write about your experience and feelings. You will make many memories that you will be able to look back on and be proud that you gave yourself so much love and didn't let anything hold you back from living your life to the fullest. You can even start a blog or youtube channel and make new friends as well as some money. Enjoy your youth and make the most of it.
I hope you enjoyed this post and found it useful. If you have any questions, comments or any requests for upcoming posts, leave a comment down below. Thanks!
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