Saturday, January 2, 2016

2016 + Creating habits

The start of a new year promises new habits, new experiences, a new life. I am definitely excited for another year of love, health, abundance and self-growth. Are you? I hope so!

It has been talked about on facebook and blogs that bw need to stop supporting communities that not only not support us but play a hand in our degradation and erasure. How many "good black men" publicly stand up for us? How many feminist groups protect and uplift black womanhood as much as they do their own? What gay or trans groups admit to mocking us and appropriating our look and style and actively speak up about it? I can't think of any.

Let the year 2016 be a year free of:

-believing that marriage is just a piece of paper. ha! Marriage is security and safety IF YOU CHOOSE WELL.

-believing that being a mother makes you more of a woman.

-believing that interracial relationships are the end all be all.

-supporting bm, even the "good ones" because if he was good he would be holding the other bm accountable

-supporting feminism. No explanation needed on this one

-supporting gay and trans rights (read this). I live in SF and am around gays/trans "women" all the time. They are out for self just like anyone else and don't give a damn about the black women they emulate, appropriate and mock. Eff em!

-deserting/not supporting other bw. If you need to buy something that you can't make yourself, but it from another bw even if you have to pay more

-money issues. Black people are not as poor as it seems, we just spend more than we make, don't the keep the money in the bw community and fail to invest properly. 

-crappy rap/hip hop music

-hate. Let 2016 be the year you learn to love black womanhood for what it is: the basis of all womanhood. We are the first women to grace this beautiful earth yet it looks like we are the quickest to be erased (besides native american women who literally have no representation in the media and most other places, unfortunately). Smile at another bw when you pass by on the street and stick up for her when she needs it. I see this all the time in the Bay Area. Bw will see you get humiliated, talked down to or accused of theft in a retail store and say nothing but let it a "brotha" and they will turn into pitbulls with law degress in .02 seconds SMH

Also, let the year 2016 be the year that you:

-get to know not only yourself but your image. How do people see you and how does this affect the way they interact with you? For instance, are you an introvert and come off as self-absorbed so people avoid you? Are you a vixen who cannot go anywhere without attracting attention so drama follows you everywhere? Are you seductive or do you turn people off? More on this when I start posting about the Art of Seduction this spring :)

-Keep your income, love life and goals to yourself. When people know how much money you make, they know how much they can count on you ($$) in their times of need. Unfortunately, people will use your kindness to take advantage and you will become an ATM for your less-ambitious friends and family. Also, keep your romance to yourself. I used to watch a bw on youtube when I was in high school. She swirled and would show off her husband. One scrubscriber even created a video slideshow of the couple. What a nice fan, right? While she was deployed, that subscriber flew down and began an affair with her husband! And now they (shady subscriber and shitty hubby) are married and expecting children SMH this can happen to anyone regardless if you are parading your man around or not. My friends know that I am married but they don't know any details like our fights or his like/dislikes.

Now all this is good and dandy but will not work unless we make a conscious decision to make these stick. How can that be done? Making it a habit. When you do things over and over it becomes natural after a while :) Like when we first learned how to walk or was awkward and even scary at first but eventually we got the hang of it, right?

2016 you are your own project. This kind of a repost of a previous blog entry but I thought I would repost it again as it is fits.

1. Purchase a planner. Try Target or walmart for a cheap one (I do) or customize your own on Personal Planner.
2. Set aside a time to make a list of specific steps needed to reach intended goal. If your goal is to lose weight, create a list of healthy foods and keep a copy of it in your planner for your grocery shopping trips. If your goal is to keep a cleaner house, write down a short list of things to do in your planner each day to maintain cleanliness.
3. Do research and take notes. I am an avid Amazon kindle reader. I read reviews for books and order them based on recommendations. I always take notes. I've been doing this for years and these books have helped me lose weight, find a man of means ($$$) to marry, get a better job, etc. For books on specific topics, leave a comment or email and I'll recommend some for you!
4. Do something everyday that will bring you closer to your goal. Your planner should have at least one thing that is part of your personal development, meaning you should be blocking out time everyday for yourself such as working out, preparing wholesome meals, reading, socializing, etc. You can even set an alarm on your phone to remember!
5. Get a buddy to help. Find someone who can hold you accountable and motivate you. Look on, search for facebook groups or even post on craigslist to find a platonic friend who has a similar goal. Maybe you can email and communicate to motivate each other and share tips/successes.
6. See a therapist. I've talked about mental health before and for good reason. Bw have been programmed to be so dysfunctional that we don't even recognize the faulty behavior.


I would like to share some books with you. I have read all these books several times over and recommend them. If you want I can also post highlights/most important info from them. Let me know in the comment section. I highly suggest you not only read them yourself but purchase them so you can have them in your possession for reference. I would keep them out of plain sight or download the kindle versions for privacy reasons.

-How to Marry the Rich (Ginie Polo-Sayles)
-What Southern Women Know & What Southern Women Know About Flirting (Rhonda Rich)
-Ho Tactics & Solving Single (G.L. Lambert)
-The Art of Seduction (Robert Greene)
-Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (John Gray, Ph.D.)
-Getting Out: Your Guide to Leaving America (Mark Ehrman)
-Delivering Knock Your Socks Off Service (Anderson & Zemke)
-How To Win Friends & Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
-The Total Woman (Marabel Morgan)
-Getting to I Do (Dr. Patricia Allen)
-Fascinating Womanhood (Helen Andalin)
-How To Marry Money (Susan Wright)
-Not Tonight Mr. Right (Kate Taylor)
-Why Men Marry Bitches (Sherry Argov)
-The Rules (Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider)
-The Richest Man in Babylon (George S. Clason)
-New Women's Dress for Success (John T. Molloy)
-Fly Betty (Treasure E. Blue)
-Family of Lies (Mary Monroe)
-A Gold Digger's Guide (Baje Fletcher)
-Date Rich Marry Well (Butta "Fly" Jonez)
-The Power of Pussy 1 & 2 (Kara King)
I'm currently editing a post on health/eating habits and am trying to add links to resources so you won't have to google stuff yourself. It should be up by next week. I hope your New Years was fun and you are looking forward to a brand new year! TTYL



  1. Great post! I have started most of the things here! I am working on being healthier and more sociable. I can't for your next post! Thank you so much!

  2. This is a wonderful post! I do need to buy another planner, preferably a daily one in which I can be write detailed goals.

    Thanks for the book recommendations. I'm currently reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People", I found a PDF version of the revised edition online. However, I plan on buying it in the near future, so I can take notes and refer back to it.

  3. Are we the same person lol. I completely agree with you. My fiance is a Nigerian man very stronge in his beliefs and marriage and taking care of his wife. We get along like a house on fire and people always want to know are secret.I don't tell my friends or family his likes or dislikes as that knowledge belongs to me ��. Also I never tell my grown family and friends my income as I don't want them to relay on me. I am very generous when I choose to be but I don't expect my family and friends to give me money and I don't want them to expect it. Everything given to me is a gift.

  4. If you don't mind here's a nice video related to creating and accomplishing goals. :)

  5. Your blogs are appreciated!

  6. This post is amazing! Some of your book recommendations I've read and others I've heard about. I'm going to be doing a lot of reading this year!

  7. I am definitely not into swirling any more,did it exclusively in my 20's. 30's and early 40's. and I don't care to relive those experiences, it is not for everyone. I am now 54, never married, no kids, but in pretty good shape still. I find your blog so solution oriented, which is a good thing. Your posts on makeup, skin care and losing weight is something I need at this time, I am reclaiming my femininity and I agree with you, not only have black women been denied their femininity by other groups, too many of us have denied our femininity to ourselves. I now believe that being feminine is my right and no one can take it away from me or give it to me. I admire and also appreciate the statement you made in one of your articles regarding purchasing as much as you can from black women entrepreneurs, this is something I have made a conscious effort to do for a few years now, even if I pay more, I try and purchase from black women and also black men. ( I remembered my father saying, that an East Indian would travel from here to Timbuktu to purchase from an other East Indian, and a Jew will travel from here to Timbuktu to buy from another Jew etc. and why can't blacks do the same). I also respect something else you said in one of your articles that blacks are not that poor, but we are consumers, and you are so right. I often think that if someone like Sandy Bland and her kin did not spend her money on cigarettes and weed and other non-essentials, she would have had the money to post bail. Her bail was $5000 and she would have had to come up with 10 percent which is $500. Also in one of your articles you talked about some of us being addicted to dysfunction, I personally do not think that it is some black women, I think it is far too many of us who are addicted to dysfunction ,myself included,which is why I definitely will take 2016 and the rest of my life to heal and be happy and it is something I truly want, true self-love and happiness, I don't care anymore about being a strong black woman, I want to be a loving black woman to myself. Once again even though I am 54 I find your blog is helpful not only to young black women, but also to black women my age and beyond!



  8. Hi there I go to your blog regularly for tips on beauty, femininity and happiness. I recently read a blog called
    Bougie Black Girl, some of her articles were quite good, but she touches on the Colorism issue, i.e light skin priveldges, I am not denying what she was saying but, you know for those of us who don't want to do anything about
    our dark skin I found it to be so disempowering. What are we supposed to do about racism and the world. What I like about your blog is that you don't deal with issues like that, your writing empowers black or biracial women, dark, medium ,light . I hope you never write articles like that because black women need a blog that that shows wisdom and deals with things that we can change, and ignore things that we cannot change like skin shade,racism etc. . For someone young like yourself you're very intelligent, you have erased my stereotype about young women being airheads, even a middle aged broad like me finds your blog so uplifting, inspirational and is giving me some confidence in myself at 54. I liked your article on planning goals, careers and I like looking at the diversity of pictures of black and biracial women I see.
    Too many black women like myself are so used to seeing articles on colorism, racism and other negativities that we expect it from BWE blogs, it is a breath of fresh air that your blog does not bother about things like that. I want to change be happy and start living a good life, and your blog is helping me to do that.

    Keep up the Good work, you"re one in a million


  9. I don't like to be off-topic, but I have a problem which I hope you can help me. My problem is when I have Blogger on my computer. (All other areas seem to be fine) Whenever I press the "new post" button it seems to take *forever* to get to to the proper screen. It just says "loading..." at the top. It does eventually get to the proper screen, but this is after 45 minutes or more. Have you had this problem, and what did you do to solve it? My computer is a HP Chromebook 14. Thank you very much.

  10. Hi Femme,
    Are you planning on writing anything for your blog anymore?