I took a much needed break from social media and this blog! After reading blogposts, facebook statuses and tweets from self-proclaimed bwe writers and supporters, I found myself becoming very bitter, angry and just all around unhappy. Some of these posts are thought provoking while some of them are just depressing. I began to feel that BW are equally as DBR as BM and that there's no point in continuing to blog about it. But the emails from you sweet ladies made me feel better! :)
However, I urge you to be careful of the forums, groups, and pages that you visit because after a while you cannot help but to believe the things people write. That and people can be cruel on the internet. You do not need to ingest negativity no matter who the source is!
For instance, I believe BW nowadays should focus on themselves and creating their best life possible! We have a lot of work to do as a collective to restore our honor and take care of ourselves. Obesity, unemployment, poverty, etc. are all heavy issues that will take some strategic planning and TIME to overcome. Now while I encourage BW to find husbands that are loving and good providers, I do not look down on single black mothers. I know things do not always work out as planned. Men leave, they change. It happens. Even if a woman has several children by several fathers, there is almost always some history of sexual abuse and mental illness in her past. This needs to be addressed and not ignored! Instead of posting pictures of single mothers and ranting about "the struggle" and how black women are addicted to it, why don't we offer resources for young black girls so they won't turn out like this!? Why do people go on and on about what BW need to do without actually giving advice on how to NOT do it!? It's very frustrating because these so called bwe pages/sites sound just like black men who talk about us! It's very sad and I feel like because of this the term "bwe" is no longer about being empowered but just upwardly-mobile BW to brag about how much better their lives are than "struggle mammies".
So I'm back from my hiatus and have some posts that I'm writing in time for the holidays. I hope your Halloween was fun and safe! I hosted a party at my home for the first time and it turned out fantastic. I quit my awful job and took an internship in child protective services but that was very depressing so I'm now unemployed. I get an allowance from my husband so I can continue to keep my nails, hair and wardobe looking nice. I'm just concentrating on finishing by bachelor's in Business so I can go to beauty school. My dream is to own a chain of full-service spas that specialize in ethnic skin/hair (the holistic approach of course, no botox injections lol). I have made some future-dermatologist friends on campus who are interested in it as well! You never know where the world will take you :)
Enjoy your Sunday and I look forward to posting again soon.
xoxo
Showing posts with label miscellaneous. Show all posts
Showing posts with label miscellaneous. Show all posts
Sunday, November 1, 2015
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
On Being Defensive
Thank you for the emails with suggestions. I look forward to making more posts and to hearing from you all. I have made a list of what you want to read and I will do my best to get them out in a timely manner. Here is something I wrote while bored in my history class last quarter (I HATE HISTORY BY THE WAY lol.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Minds are like parachutes, they work better when they are open."
I observe BW. Online and in person. I not only observe what people say about BW but what BW say to themselves, to other people, about themselves, about other ppl, about other BW, etc. and I have noticed that it is very VERY easy to upset a BW! Not only is it easy but for some people it is fun. Yes, seeing a BW go off is a source of entertainment for some. I know there are people who lurk BW-centered FB pages and blogs and find it entertaining all the crazy stuff people talk about. "BM only like light skinned/white women!" "BM made me feel bad my whole life, I hate BM!" It's drama and it's useless to be honest because what is the point in sharing your pain with the world? The world doesn't deserve to see it because they don't know how to handle it! Our position as BW is a unique one. Very few people (writers, poets, singers) have expressed it accurately so society does not understand or care. Your pain, anger, inner turmoil should be reserved for a professional who can help you get rid of it and understand it, such a psychiatrist or a therapist. Someone who can help you grow and function well enough that you are achieving your goals and dreams.
But anyway...
Don't let your defensiveness get in the way of getting what you want! I have noticed that many BW emotionally over-respond especially online. It is best to STOP being defensive and learn to grab opportunities while they are around and IGNORE things that do not apply to you. You can be offended by something and not respond!
I say continue to read and study materials that will help you (dating, fitness, financial) even if they don't focus on you or if they say something that you don't agree with because the information is what you want, not the attention or the coddling. You don't have to agree with everything, not everyone has the same views as you and that's okay as long as you get what you need from it.
There is a dating blog from a guy's perspective that I like. He is genuinely trying to help women. I find his advice spot on but on one post he said that BW's beautiful bodies and other features make up for "imperfect hair". In the comment section there were BW who are upset with the term he used. While I don't agree with the way he said it, I respect his opinion. WHY? Because I don't expect a WM who has never (as far as I know) dated a BW to appreciate our natural hair. He said straight hair looks better on all women which is what a lot of American men think. They grew up with sexualized tv ads and magazines shoving European beauty standards down their throat so of course that's what they want! I feel like Americans are brainwashed in some sort of way but that's for another day ;) While I think straight long hair can look great on some BW depending on her bone structure, it's not the best style for everyone. I think hair is a touchy subject for most BW and we shouldn't get mad at others for not understanding how much of a big deal it is. Hair topics always strike a nerve with BW and I understand completely. We have a reason to be upset over being judged by something we were conditioned to hate and see in a bad light. Most of us were permed and hot combed at an age too young to know what was going on. But guess what? Other people don't have this experience and don't understand why it's such a big deal so when you get upset or go off they don't understand that either and will get defensive as well. My advice is to remind yourself of our unique position in society and give other people the benefit of the doubt when they are misinformed or say something ignorant.
BE OPEN to knowledge and advice from all places and viewpoints because there is always something you can take away from it. The easiest way for me is to think of myself is as a project. I made a list of things I wanted to change about myself, a list of criticism I have heard from other people and a list of things possessed by the ideal woman I want to be. I suggest making one for yourself. Once you understand what you need to improve on and why as well as the benefits of improvement, you will feel less self-conscious and when someone brings up your weakness (even in a rude way) you will think to yourself (I already know and I'm working on it!). You won't get defensive and will respond in a classy way instead of with anger.
Ex:
Random woman in Target: "You are too young to have a belly, girl. I wouldn't let my daughter let herself go like that"
You:"B&%^$ you don't know me! You are so rude, who do you think you are!?"
or
Random woman in Target: "You are too young to have a belly, girl. I wouldn't let my daughter let herself go like that"
You: "Well, I've been working out lately and can't wait to see the results! What does your daughter do to stay fit? I'd love to know *smiles*"
Random woman: *confused that they weren't cursed out* *walks away*
Now that example is a little silly but I've seen similar interactions. People who are rude towards BW aren't just racist people but anyone who is aware how easy it is to tick off a BW. It's a source of entertainment for some, unfortunately. While I don't believe we can prevent people from coming at us sideways, we can change the way we react to it. Not only does it deter those people from attempting to make you uncomfortable again, but also lets potential dates or platonic friends from both genders know that you are kind, non-argumentative, open-minded and even-tempered. Who wants to be friends with someone who gets upset easily?
You may be thinking, what does it matter what other people think, only what I think of myself matters! That's not the whole truth. You should be content with yourself but what other certain people think does matter because friends are important, your relationship with your boss and colleagues are important, your relationship with your landlord is important, etc. Your attitude and ability to interact with people contribute to your reputation and trust me, a woman who cannot hold her temper, take constructive criticism, ignore and/ or deflect shade determines your ability to network and move ahead. No one wants to be around someone who is hyper-sensitive and is a ticking time bomb for a temper tantrum.
And if that person's comment doesn't pertain to you or isn't true, you can brush it off your shoulders. Believe it or not, bullying doesn't end in middle school. There are grown people walking around with a chip on their shoulders and they go out of their way to be rude and insult others. Being mean makes some people feel good. It's not your fault at all so just brush it off your beautiful shoulders and don't take it personally :)
The biggest hurdle in self-improvement is being strong enough to look inside yourself and be honest. I have faith that you can improve yourself even though I don't know you. How? Because the simple fact that you are reading this blog and others shows that you are interested in letting go, engaging with other BW, learning and setting goals for yourself and moving forward.
The point of this post is to say that when you take offense to something very easily it is because you are over- sensitive to it. You have a vested interest in it and that is holding you back from seeing the truth and reacting accordingly. Your personal goal should be to recognize when this is happening and nip it in the bud. When you feel yourself getting upset, remind yourself that your emotions can make you react in the wrong way and that if you think more logically at this time, you can get a better reaction and diffuse the situation. I would like to see more of my Black/biracial sisters react to haters in a more confident, controlled and even playful way. The next time someone says something rude to you just take a deep breath and smile, even if you are angry! Show your pretty smile and either say nothing at all or something polite and vague. "You think so? Interesting...." Then sashay away ^_^
Talk to you all tomorrow!
xoxo
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Minds are like parachutes, they work better when they are open."
I observe BW. Online and in person. I not only observe what people say about BW but what BW say to themselves, to other people, about themselves, about other ppl, about other BW, etc. and I have noticed that it is very VERY easy to upset a BW! Not only is it easy but for some people it is fun. Yes, seeing a BW go off is a source of entertainment for some. I know there are people who lurk BW-centered FB pages and blogs and find it entertaining all the crazy stuff people talk about. "BM only like light skinned/white women!" "BM made me feel bad my whole life, I hate BM!" It's drama and it's useless to be honest because what is the point in sharing your pain with the world? The world doesn't deserve to see it because they don't know how to handle it! Our position as BW is a unique one. Very few people (writers, poets, singers) have expressed it accurately so society does not understand or care. Your pain, anger, inner turmoil should be reserved for a professional who can help you get rid of it and understand it, such a psychiatrist or a therapist. Someone who can help you grow and function well enough that you are achieving your goals and dreams.
But anyway...
Don't let your defensiveness get in the way of getting what you want! I have noticed that many BW emotionally over-respond especially online. It is best to STOP being defensive and learn to grab opportunities while they are around and IGNORE things that do not apply to you. You can be offended by something and not respond!
I say continue to read and study materials that will help you (dating, fitness, financial) even if they don't focus on you or if they say something that you don't agree with because the information is what you want, not the attention or the coddling. You don't have to agree with everything, not everyone has the same views as you and that's okay as long as you get what you need from it.
There is a dating blog from a guy's perspective that I like. He is genuinely trying to help women. I find his advice spot on but on one post he said that BW's beautiful bodies and other features make up for "imperfect hair". In the comment section there were BW who are upset with the term he used. While I don't agree with the way he said it, I respect his opinion. WHY? Because I don't expect a WM who has never (as far as I know) dated a BW to appreciate our natural hair. He said straight hair looks better on all women which is what a lot of American men think. They grew up with sexualized tv ads and magazines shoving European beauty standards down their throat so of course that's what they want! I feel like Americans are brainwashed in some sort of way but that's for another day ;) While I think straight long hair can look great on some BW depending on her bone structure, it's not the best style for everyone. I think hair is a touchy subject for most BW and we shouldn't get mad at others for not understanding how much of a big deal it is. Hair topics always strike a nerve with BW and I understand completely. We have a reason to be upset over being judged by something we were conditioned to hate and see in a bad light. Most of us were permed and hot combed at an age too young to know what was going on. But guess what? Other people don't have this experience and don't understand why it's such a big deal so when you get upset or go off they don't understand that either and will get defensive as well. My advice is to remind yourself of our unique position in society and give other people the benefit of the doubt when they are misinformed or say something ignorant.
BE OPEN to knowledge and advice from all places and viewpoints because there is always something you can take away from it. The easiest way for me is to think of myself is as a project. I made a list of things I wanted to change about myself, a list of criticism I have heard from other people and a list of things possessed by the ideal woman I want to be. I suggest making one for yourself. Once you understand what you need to improve on and why as well as the benefits of improvement, you will feel less self-conscious and when someone brings up your weakness (even in a rude way) you will think to yourself (I already know and I'm working on it!). You won't get defensive and will respond in a classy way instead of with anger.
Ex:
Random woman in Target: "You are too young to have a belly, girl. I wouldn't let my daughter let herself go like that"
You:"B&%^$ you don't know me! You are so rude, who do you think you are!?"
or
Random woman in Target: "You are too young to have a belly, girl. I wouldn't let my daughter let herself go like that"
You: "Well, I've been working out lately and can't wait to see the results! What does your daughter do to stay fit? I'd love to know *smiles*"
Random woman: *confused that they weren't cursed out* *walks away*
Now that example is a little silly but I've seen similar interactions. People who are rude towards BW aren't just racist people but anyone who is aware how easy it is to tick off a BW. It's a source of entertainment for some, unfortunately. While I don't believe we can prevent people from coming at us sideways, we can change the way we react to it. Not only does it deter those people from attempting to make you uncomfortable again, but also lets potential dates or platonic friends from both genders know that you are kind, non-argumentative, open-minded and even-tempered. Who wants to be friends with someone who gets upset easily?
You may be thinking, what does it matter what other people think, only what I think of myself matters! That's not the whole truth. You should be content with yourself but what other certain people think does matter because friends are important, your relationship with your boss and colleagues are important, your relationship with your landlord is important, etc. Your attitude and ability to interact with people contribute to your reputation and trust me, a woman who cannot hold her temper, take constructive criticism, ignore and/ or deflect shade determines your ability to network and move ahead. No one wants to be around someone who is hyper-sensitive and is a ticking time bomb for a temper tantrum.
And if that person's comment doesn't pertain to you or isn't true, you can brush it off your shoulders. Believe it or not, bullying doesn't end in middle school. There are grown people walking around with a chip on their shoulders and they go out of their way to be rude and insult others. Being mean makes some people feel good. It's not your fault at all so just brush it off your beautiful shoulders and don't take it personally :)
The biggest hurdle in self-improvement is being strong enough to look inside yourself and be honest. I have faith that you can improve yourself even though I don't know you. How? Because the simple fact that you are reading this blog and others shows that you are interested in letting go, engaging with other BW, learning and setting goals for yourself and moving forward.
Talk to you all tomorrow!
xoxo
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Some cute things
Here are some cute things that will (hopefully) make you smile and get you in the mood to face tomorrow. Why is monday such a dreaded day? lol
Valentine's day is coming up! I'm excited as I love to celebrate each holiday. I have some ideas for things to do for couples as well as single ladies that I plan to post. I hope you enjoy your week, I have some more posts schedule for next week. Treat yourself well. xoxo
Monday, January 19, 2015
Some harsh truths
I want 2015 to be the year of growth abundance and change for BW. But I've got to be real. There's a lot of whining that goes on in online black women spaces. Now I've experienced some tough times like most BW have. The harassment, bullying, misogynoir (spelling?), and have noticed the anti-bw propaganda in the media. But I have noticed that that's all BW want to focus on. It's to the point where I believe most BW are content with being mules and everyone else's step ladder and want to live dysfunctional lives. I have more hope for the younger generations to come because they are waking up.
1. Not everything is so black and white. Literally. As a BW, the black community isn't your ally and believe it or not the white community isn't as progressive as people claim is to be. Take it from someone who's lived in California, the most "liberal" state of them all, for a while now. Don't be alarmed by this but noone is really in our corner, even fellow BW. Take the BW who shamed accomplished Gabby Douglas for her hair or started a petition for Beyonce to "fix" her daughter's kinks. Upwardly mobile BW only have like minded upwardly mobile BW in our corner. Seek these sisters out and befriend them. You need a network of support. There are people out there of all races that will be good friends, coworkers, business partners and love interests but no one race of people is going to be there for you. Deal with people on a one-on-one basis.
2. No one is going to fix you. Your past and insecurities that keeps creeping up on you is your responsibility to deal with. Do you think that people will treat you better knowing that you have been hurt in the past? Nope. Accept it and take action. Make goals for yourself, seek therapy. Help yourself because noone else will put in the effort to do it.
3. Being a "good person" doesn't earn you brownie points. What goes around doesn't always come back around. You can be the sweetest person ever and still get screwed over. The man who cheated on you with your best friend may not suffer for it. He may even fall in love with her and have a happy marriage with 2.5 kids and a dog. It sucks but it's true. Be a good person for yourself and to spread goodness in this world. Don't expect good things to happen to you just because you followed the 10 commandments.
4. Speaking of religion, be wary. Very wary. We've already established that the black community does not care for BW. Well the church ain't much different. In fact, I would say that Christianity was the worst thing to happen to Black people. Christianity has made blacks complacent in their own demise. "Keep praying and God will make a way". No he won't. You have to make yourself a way. Obtaining the life you want requires a lot of work and effort and when you get to where you want to be you should pat yourself on the back and not thank some imaginary white man in the sky. This may offend you but it's the truth.
5. The past is already written. There's nothing you can do about it unfortunately. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and make an effort to not do it again. Forget about what was done to you but don't forget the way it made you feel. Don't let someone's else's actions towards you determine your self worth. It's hard and may sound nearly impossible but it's necessary for a healthy mind. The messed up things that someone has done to you is a reflection of THEM. I know there are a lot of BW living their lives without confronting the fact that they were molested and/or bullied. You can't change what happened to you but you need to take care of it or else it will eat you alive. You will be laying awake in bed at night thinking about what happened. You will be walking around with a mean mug and being hypersensitive. You may even develop a hunger for violence to hurt people like they hurt you. That's not the answer. Therapy is. All you can do is move on. Time machines don't exist.
6. No one has all the answers you need. I for sure don't. There is much advice out there for specific things you need but there's no step-by-step guide out there that's going to help you find happiness. Firsthand experience and self reflection will give you all the help you need to grow.
7. Money doesn't solve all problems, just a lot of them. Guess what happened when my income bracket increased? My whole life changed. I had access to better housing, colleges, jobs, I was less stressed and depressed because I wasn't worried over everything, I started to look better, I was in more beautiful surroundings, and because of all of this I was able to attract higher quality people into my life, including my dear husband and best friends. Living in poverty has been proven to make people develop mental illness. Lavish lifestyles and wealthier people in general are demonized but there's nothing wrong with living in abundance as long as you aren't hurting people to get there.
8. There's nothing you as an individual can do to save the BC nor is there anything you SHOULD do. For decades the effort has been one sided and it ain't working so guess what? Put that effort into saving yourself and the Black woman collective. If BM were real men then they wouldn't need our help! Instead of protesting, picketing, marching and boycotting for a group of men who don't value you, do that for yourself and other BW. Our killers, stalkers, rapists and molesters need to be brought to justice! When you accept this and learn to live your life caping for YOURSELF and not someone who hates you, you will feel a huge burden off your back! Am I saying to write off BM as potential love interests, friends and business partners? Not entirely but you need to realize that they aren't our allies. Deal with people on a one-on-one basis.
9. Black does crack. Just not as much. Take care of your body and it will take care of you. You don't need to be a size 2 and have skin like Chili from TLC. Your body is a temple so treat it as such.
10. Keeping it real isn't always the way to go. Have you seen that skit in Chapelle's Show "When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong?" That's how "telling it like it is" goes in real life. It is a stereotype of BW to be loud and sassy and blunt and honestly I have found it to be true. Not all BW but this kind of behavior is glorified in the BC. Don't catch onto it. Be tactful, hold your tongue sometimes and watch your delivery when giving constructive criticism or responding with criticism.
11. Colorism, featurism and hair texturism were all here before we were. It goes waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back. Think of all those black starlets back in the day. Dorothy Dandridge, Eartha Kitt, Shirley Bassett, Joesphine Baker, all of them are mixed/biracial and I believe that is why they were so famous. Don't get me wrong, I love their work but I know that had they been darker, or had broader features and coarser hair, they wouldn't have been so famous. BM wouldn't have helped get them into Hollywood and society wouldn't have accepted them. Its a harsh truth. Racism is above our heads and while I think we should all do our part by sticking together and protecting one another I know that whining about it does: NOTHING. Instead of whining about Beyonce, Zendaya, Draya Michele and other's being in the spotlight, how about this: Don't support them. Don't give your hard earned money in propping them up. Literally don't support so called BW who show no interest in solidarity. Act like they don't exist and observe how society reacts. It will be interesting. "I'm black enough to play Aaliyah". That's unacceptable and shouldn't be tolerated. I wonder if we funded more things like Dr.McStuffins, The Princess and the Frog and other things where the Black girl actually appeared Black, what would society do?
12. Men aren't perfect. Knights in shining armor don't exist. Men aren't princes that come along and save your life. They are great partners and companions and I believe everyone deserves a healthy relationship but if you expect a fairytale relationship then you will be surely disappointed. Disney fooled us all :(
13. There's nothing wrong with marrying up. In fact, I suggest every upwardly mobile BW to do it. It was a standard for my future husband to make six figures and I'm not ashamed of it and refused to let anyone make me feel guilty.
14. Your friends are a reflection of you. The people you surround yourself with make or break you. When I joined the military I was surrounded by people who had drive, integrity and goals they wanted to accomplish. Every single one of those friends is living a functioning life as far as I know. No babydaddy drama, no huge money problems, they travel, they are positive and uplifting. People like this can be found in college, at libraries, at seminars, basically anywhere that promotes growth.
15. You have more control over your life than you think.
16. As an American you are spoiled. Life may be expensive but things like education, employment, freedom of speech, etc are at least attainable and sometimes free :) Take advantage of it because there are millions of people you cannot even drink clean water and are dying from easily curable diseases. It could have been you! So be grateful and take advantage.
Good night.
1. Not everything is so black and white. Literally. As a BW, the black community isn't your ally and believe it or not the white community isn't as progressive as people claim is to be. Take it from someone who's lived in California, the most "liberal" state of them all, for a while now. Don't be alarmed by this but noone is really in our corner, even fellow BW. Take the BW who shamed accomplished Gabby Douglas for her hair or started a petition for Beyonce to "fix" her daughter's kinks. Upwardly mobile BW only have like minded upwardly mobile BW in our corner. Seek these sisters out and befriend them. You need a network of support. There are people out there of all races that will be good friends, coworkers, business partners and love interests but no one race of people is going to be there for you. Deal with people on a one-on-one basis.
2. No one is going to fix you. Your past and insecurities that keeps creeping up on you is your responsibility to deal with. Do you think that people will treat you better knowing that you have been hurt in the past? Nope. Accept it and take action. Make goals for yourself, seek therapy. Help yourself because noone else will put in the effort to do it.
3. Being a "good person" doesn't earn you brownie points. What goes around doesn't always come back around. You can be the sweetest person ever and still get screwed over. The man who cheated on you with your best friend may not suffer for it. He may even fall in love with her and have a happy marriage with 2.5 kids and a dog. It sucks but it's true. Be a good person for yourself and to spread goodness in this world. Don't expect good things to happen to you just because you followed the 10 commandments.
4. Speaking of religion, be wary. Very wary. We've already established that the black community does not care for BW. Well the church ain't much different. In fact, I would say that Christianity was the worst thing to happen to Black people. Christianity has made blacks complacent in their own demise. "Keep praying and God will make a way". No he won't. You have to make yourself a way. Obtaining the life you want requires a lot of work and effort and when you get to where you want to be you should pat yourself on the back and not thank some imaginary white man in the sky. This may offend you but it's the truth.
5. The past is already written. There's nothing you can do about it unfortunately. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and make an effort to not do it again. Forget about what was done to you but don't forget the way it made you feel. Don't let someone's else's actions towards you determine your self worth. It's hard and may sound nearly impossible but it's necessary for a healthy mind. The messed up things that someone has done to you is a reflection of THEM. I know there are a lot of BW living their lives without confronting the fact that they were molested and/or bullied. You can't change what happened to you but you need to take care of it or else it will eat you alive. You will be laying awake in bed at night thinking about what happened. You will be walking around with a mean mug and being hypersensitive. You may even develop a hunger for violence to hurt people like they hurt you. That's not the answer. Therapy is. All you can do is move on. Time machines don't exist.
6. No one has all the answers you need. I for sure don't. There is much advice out there for specific things you need but there's no step-by-step guide out there that's going to help you find happiness. Firsthand experience and self reflection will give you all the help you need to grow.
7. Money doesn't solve all problems, just a lot of them. Guess what happened when my income bracket increased? My whole life changed. I had access to better housing, colleges, jobs, I was less stressed and depressed because I wasn't worried over everything, I started to look better, I was in more beautiful surroundings, and because of all of this I was able to attract higher quality people into my life, including my dear husband and best friends. Living in poverty has been proven to make people develop mental illness. Lavish lifestyles and wealthier people in general are demonized but there's nothing wrong with living in abundance as long as you aren't hurting people to get there.
8. There's nothing you as an individual can do to save the BC nor is there anything you SHOULD do. For decades the effort has been one sided and it ain't working so guess what? Put that effort into saving yourself and the Black woman collective. If BM were real men then they wouldn't need our help! Instead of protesting, picketing, marching and boycotting for a group of men who don't value you, do that for yourself and other BW. Our killers, stalkers, rapists and molesters need to be brought to justice! When you accept this and learn to live your life caping for YOURSELF and not someone who hates you, you will feel a huge burden off your back! Am I saying to write off BM as potential love interests, friends and business partners? Not entirely but you need to realize that they aren't our allies. Deal with people on a one-on-one basis.
9. Black does crack. Just not as much. Take care of your body and it will take care of you. You don't need to be a size 2 and have skin like Chili from TLC. Your body is a temple so treat it as such.
10. Keeping it real isn't always the way to go. Have you seen that skit in Chapelle's Show "When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong?" That's how "telling it like it is" goes in real life. It is a stereotype of BW to be loud and sassy and blunt and honestly I have found it to be true. Not all BW but this kind of behavior is glorified in the BC. Don't catch onto it. Be tactful, hold your tongue sometimes and watch your delivery when giving constructive criticism or responding with criticism.
11. Colorism, featurism and hair texturism were all here before we were. It goes waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back. Think of all those black starlets back in the day. Dorothy Dandridge, Eartha Kitt, Shirley Bassett, Joesphine Baker, all of them are mixed/biracial and I believe that is why they were so famous. Don't get me wrong, I love their work but I know that had they been darker, or had broader features and coarser hair, they wouldn't have been so famous. BM wouldn't have helped get them into Hollywood and society wouldn't have accepted them. Its a harsh truth. Racism is above our heads and while I think we should all do our part by sticking together and protecting one another I know that whining about it does: NOTHING. Instead of whining about Beyonce, Zendaya, Draya Michele and other's being in the spotlight, how about this: Don't support them. Don't give your hard earned money in propping them up. Literally don't support so called BW who show no interest in solidarity. Act like they don't exist and observe how society reacts. It will be interesting. "I'm black enough to play Aaliyah". That's unacceptable and shouldn't be tolerated. I wonder if we funded more things like Dr.McStuffins, The Princess and the Frog and other things where the Black girl actually appeared Black, what would society do?
12. Men aren't perfect. Knights in shining armor don't exist. Men aren't princes that come along and save your life. They are great partners and companions and I believe everyone deserves a healthy relationship but if you expect a fairytale relationship then you will be surely disappointed. Disney fooled us all :(
13. There's nothing wrong with marrying up. In fact, I suggest every upwardly mobile BW to do it. It was a standard for my future husband to make six figures and I'm not ashamed of it and refused to let anyone make me feel guilty.
14. Your friends are a reflection of you. The people you surround yourself with make or break you. When I joined the military I was surrounded by people who had drive, integrity and goals they wanted to accomplish. Every single one of those friends is living a functioning life as far as I know. No babydaddy drama, no huge money problems, they travel, they are positive and uplifting. People like this can be found in college, at libraries, at seminars, basically anywhere that promotes growth.
15. You have more control over your life than you think.
16. As an American you are spoiled. Life may be expensive but things like education, employment, freedom of speech, etc are at least attainable and sometimes free :) Take advantage of it because there are millions of people you cannot even drink clean water and are dying from easily curable diseases. It could have been you! So be grateful and take advantage.
Good night.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)