Celebrating the holidays

When December 1st rolls around, it's almost like my own little world inside my head goes a little bit coo-coo and into a hazy cloud of glitter, fairy lights, and all things festive. My personal favourite time of year :)

I've always had a vague notion that traditions and rituals were good for you. My family thought it was corny that I made cards and dressed up for each holiday even if we didn't celebrate it ( like St. Patrick's day) but I enjoyed it! And as it turns out, decades of research back up my hunch on this topic.

Since the 1950s researchers have studied the role of traditions in family life. Not just holidays but any routine or set of behaviors that has a symbolic meaning and says "this is who we are" as a group. Psychologists link these kinds of practices with higher academic success, happiness and emotional well being for the family. When parents ascribe a high level of meaning to rituals, the children are found to have better emotional skills. Not only that, but it aids in marital satisfaction as well :) Practicing meaningful traditions also relieves stress and lowers anxiety levels.

Why are rituals so powerful? They offer regularity and a sense of order. When you know what to expect and have a feeling of "this is the way my family does things" it helps you make sense of the world. Do you remember how excited you got when you made your favorite Christmas recipe with your mother? Or when you made gingerbread houses at school? You have every right to still get excited about those things as you get older. In "Family Routines and Rituals by Barbara Fiese" it states that the more meaningful older teenagers felt their family rituals were, the more likely they are to have a strong sense of themselves and be able to handle the stress of going to college freshman year.


What I like to do is what most people do every Thanksgiving. They say what they are grateful for, etc. Every holiday I reflect on what I am grateful for, what I am working towards, what goals I have achieved since the last holiday, etc. It sounds like a lot but I have found that talking to myself and keeping track of my personal development helps me get to know myself more. As I've said in a previous post, I have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past and have learned how to cope through times of grief like the loss of my younger brother and financial problems in the past. I am a big stickler for emotional health and I value the holidays because each one gives me the chance to celebrate something beautiful about life.

If this sounds like a good idea to you and you'd like to try it, I suggest getting a notebook and using it as a journal. Or you can even start a blog :) Here are some prompts:
1.Dear past me...
2. Dear future me...
3.The people you most admire
4.What book did you read over and over again as a child?
5. What would your perfect day be like?
6.How would your best friend describe you?
7.Name your top 5 short term goals

Now onto Christmas-y things!

Food

30 comfort winter soups

Ginger Bread Cupcakes Recipe

Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate

Decor

Christmas chalkboard decor

White Christmas

So pretty

Green & White

Drinks

Cranberry Mimosa

Sparkling Sugar Plum Punch

Beauty

Themed nails

More nails

Alex nails


Enjoy the holidays and treat yourself well.

The importance of not forgetting your daughter!

Who wants their daughter to be a high school dropout? A job hopper? A young single mother on welfare? A baby mama?

Not me and I hope not you either!

The grooming of a girl to become a woman of charm and the cherished wife of a good man is best started at a very young age. By very I mean 4 or 5 years old. WHAT!? I know you're probably thinking I'm crazy but listen up. When we are young we are malleable! The things we hear, see and feel shape us in ways we don't realize. As a young girl I would watch Tales of the Crypt with my mother. I was also exposed to classical music and played the violin my entire childhood. I grew up with an interest in "the dark side" and musical theatre, so now as a young lady my interests include musicals like "Phantom of the Opera", "Sweeney Todd", etc. I am also heavily involved in the local community theatre and fine art scene. Do you get it? The lessons we learn, the skills we acquire, the hobbies we indulge in as children influence us for the rests of our lives. That's why it is important for us to raise our children a certain way.

I feel like as a collective, Black women, we have gotten the short end of the stick. Our parents weren't looking out for us. I feel that the women/girls of other races were taught a lot of things that we weren't because the generations before us were so focused on "the brothas". For instance, my white and asian classmates have known things regarding dating, finance, marriage, nutrition/weight control that I have recently learned about the past year! That's horrible! Their families are looking out for them and trying their best to secure them a place in society while the BC is leaving Black girls to fend for themselves and ridicule them for the behavior that accompanies low self-worth, dysfunctional dating habits, fear of men, etc. The struggle is real for us, especially for the BW who were born into not-so-great situations, like single parent household, low-income households, the inner city, etc. If you aren't raised to have a high self-esteem, strive for a fine education, haven't travelled or been exposed to things that will make you well-rounded then it is very hard to socially climb :( There is hope though! I think as long as you are a woman of value and are working to better yourself and are smart about who you date and learn how to take/use advice, you can break free of your less-than-stellar upbringing and secure a fabulous man to marry you and being your family legacy. 

I don't have children yet but I know for sure that I am not going to ignore my daughters! In fact, my fiancee and I have opened a savings account specifically for the expenses involved with the upbringing of our children, such as advanced education (like tutoring or private school), extracurricular activities, summer camps, etc. My fiancee is Caucasian and grew up in a middle-class family so he already knows that the woman's role in society and in the family are just as important as the man's. Yes, the boys carry the family's name but daughters are important too!

My hope is that the women who read this blog will think less about what the BC and society thinks about us and more about improving yourself from the inside out and creating the life you want! I want to see less depressed struggling single mothers and more happy wife and moms.