Feminine Tips-General Beauty (kind of long post)

Hey sweethearts, how are you and how was your 4th of July weekend?

I've been reading many articles and books on helping women recognize their femininity and improve on it. I think it's been a struggle for ALL women to look and feel like the woman they want to be because the society we live in now encourages women to be the opposite. Here are some that I have noted:

1. Highlight your positive features.
Do you have big eyes? Wear mascara. Small waist? Wear a pencil skirt. A nice smile? Smile more often. Knowing that there's something about you that you like and that is attractive builds confidence.

2. Style your hair in a flattering way.
Find a style that frames your face shape, a color that suits your skin tone and an appropriate length and maintenance that fits your lifestyle. I'm not into the whole natural versus relaxed debate. I believe it's up to the individual to assess what fits their wants and needs. I happen to love braids, updos, twist outs and layered straight styles on Black women.

3. Embrace your curves but maintain a healthy weight.
This is a big problem among Black women. Yes, we are naturally curvy but many seem to take that as a reason to not take care of their figure. There is a thin line between curvy and thick and sloppy. Not only is a toned body more attractive and feminine but it's a lot healthier to maintain a healthy weight. Diabetes, high blood pressure, and kidney and heart diseases are well known risks of being overweight.

These women range from thin to average to bigger/muscular. All very toned, in shape and feminine.

4. Have clear, soft, buttery skin.
Black women come in various shades. Which one you are does not matter. What is more important is having clear, healthy and blemish free skin. I advocate for an effective skin care regimen, which should include a cleanser, serum, mask and do NOT forget sunscreen. Black people aren't immune to skin cancer; in fact there are forms of skin cancer exclusive to people with melanin. There are many vitamins and supplements that can help with achieving beautiful skin.

5. Wear pretty lingerie.
It's hard to explain in words but there's something satisfying and sexy about wearing lingerie, especially lacy lingerie. Give it a try ;)

6. Smell good.
Wear a perfume or some kind of scent all the time (if you can). It will brighten your mood and attract men lol. A high quality perfume can be pretty pricey but there are alternatives. Eau de parfums are slightly less concentrated than perfumes but still strong. Eau de toilette is even less concentrated and lasts less time on the skin. Eau fraiche has less than 3% of perfume oil. I do not suggest body sprays as they do not last longer than an hour and can smell very alcohol-y.

I also suggest layering scents. What that means is use bar soap and/or body wash, then lotion and then perfume, all the same scent of course. For instance, use vanilla scented body bar soap to cleanse, then slather on vanilla scented body butter then apply a perfume that goes along with it. You will smell good all day.

7. Don't smell cheap or artificial.
Stick to scents found in nature, like floral, citrus, or spicy scents. Nothing like sugar or bubble gum, as it screams fake and juvenile.

8. Keep your nails done.
Whether you prefer your natural nails, shellac or acrylic/gel overlay, keeping your nails done makes you look more polished. Nude or pink nails fit every occasion. Red nail polish is sophisticated and perfect for an important event. Bright, fun colors look best on the toes. As for designs, that's up to you but there's a very thin line between creative and tacky.

9. Smile sincerely or not at all.
I am all for Black women smiling but don't do it unless it is genuine. It will come off like this:

instead of this:

10. Wear clothes that fit and stick to a classic style.
Not only does this look good but it saves you money. Buying staples/classics and leaving the trends to the accessories is more cost effective.

You can use accessories like jewelry, watches, scarves and handbags (purses) to try out new trends and colors.

11. Wear dresses and skirts, flowy material and feminine patterns.
They look so beautiful!

Those are just a few of my tips. I have more for your inner femininity, too. However, it's very late and I need my beauty sleep :) I will post more soon. Please leave comments and questions below! I love to hear from you all! I read all my comments and can be reached via email at enlightenedfemme (at) gmail.com

Thanks for reading! xoxo

What is femininity?

There are some debates surrounding this question. Some women loathe the word "feminine" and equate it to everything pink, frilly, girly and weak. That's understandable but not quite the truth. Yes, those things can be associated with femininity but in truth it is about being who you authentically are. That's it. It's different for each woman.

I like pastel colors, lace, animals and makeup but that doesn't make me more feminine than a woman who plays football and drives a monster truck.

If that woman is confident, has inner strength and is emotionally connected and passionate then she is a feminine woman, whether she likes it or not LOL Her feminine energy will flow and men and women alike will be drawn to her. A feminine woman is a force of nature!

There are some core aspects associated with all feminine women, such as:
Empathy, sensitivity, tolerance, and softness.

There are many more but those are the first that popped into my head. Were you expecting me to mention "beauty", "long hair" "red lipstick" or "dresses"? Yes, those things can make a woman seem more feminine in looks but they do not make someone more feminine in nature. From experience, I can say that those things can help you feel more feminine, though!

There are many reasons why Black women as a group aren't seen as feminine or why you, as a Black woman, may not feel like a feminine woman. This blog is a platform of positivity and growth so I will not go into depth about why and who's "fault" it is. There are many other blogs and facebook pages for that. This also isn't a place where I will continually bash Black men or trash White women. They will come up, when I post about relationships (friendships as well as dating and marriage) but I'm not the type to badmouth others and curse ;) I will bring up social issues that we face as Black women and how to combat them with class and grace.

Black women have had to adopt masculine traits to protect ourselves since The Black Power Movement and the Feminist Movement has failed us. I don't believe it's necessary to be the stereotypical  "strong Black woman". You don't have to be loud to get your point across or aggressive to protect yourself. Our passion and inner strength is admirable but we must be smart about what we put our energy into.

I know I am physically and mentally strong but I also recognize my feminine nature. I love men. I want to get married and have children and that doesn't make me weak. I believe women make this world a better place. Our nurturing, compassion, love, determination and overall essence contribute to positive things in this world. The world needs us :) This photo below is just as much as a strong Black woman as any other Black woman.

Please comment and share your thoughts about femininity and what it means to you.

The important of the feminine black woman's image

It's widely known that your image and attitude dictates the perception people have about you and affects your everyday life. Your personal image is composed of a number of elements: the way you dress, your posture, the way you talk, the way you walk, etc. TAKE CARE OF YOUR PERSONAL IMAGE!

Some might say, what does it matter what people think of you? What does being Black have to do with it?

which group of women look like they have respectable jobs, loving husbands, own homes and businesses and have a high self-esteem and respect for themselves?

What does it matter and what does being black have to do with it?
Well, for starters other's perceptions are important to us during job interviews, at work, when building friendships and business partnerships, when dating, when going grocery shopping, etc. How many times a day do you think people judge one another and make decisions based on  their perception? Do you think you can walk into an interview with unbrushed teeth, wearing sweats and slouching?

Image is important because we have to really jump through hoops to get ahead and the first obstacle is being able to live without other people assuming we are aggressive, lazy, loud, obnoxious, etc. Dressing well, being on time, having manners, being able to hold thoughtful conversations, etc are all things that successful people do to achieve their goals and we need to support each other in doing so.

Racism, sexism, classism are things that affect many of us and make it hard to get a job, start a business and such but what intelligent person in their right mind wouldn't hire a well spoken, sharply dressed college grad because she is Black? If they don't then they are missing out and don't deserve to know you anyway ;) Trust me, many doors will open if you take care of your image/personal brand. Image is everything, whether you like it or not.

I encourage you to reflect and see where you can improve, whether it's switching up your style, practicing the art of conversation, smiling more or even basic etiquette skills that you never learned. Please leave a comment if you have any tips!

Finding inspiration in your journey (non-celebs)

We all need someone to look up to for motivation and inspiration. As young black women, our potential role models are limited to risque, hyper-sexualized entertainers such as Beyonce or Rihanna. Not bashing those two as I like their music (sometimes) but they don't come across classy at all and send across a wrong message to young girls.

There are quite a few Black women I've discovered here on the internet that I look to for style, lifestyle and general inspiration. All beautiful black women!

TheLuxeBabe

She's a gorgeous, well spoken woman with a tall model-like figure and such classy style! Not only that but she is educated, speaks multiple languages and is happily married. I think she's from Germany but I could be wrong. She has a love for cosmetics (like me) but doesn't over do it and apply it heavily like a drag queen like some other sisters on youtube do. TheLuxeBabe is a good role model for women who value elegance and grace.

Shirley B. Eniang

Shirley is a fashion blogger/vlogger from the UK. Isn't her accent adorable? I adore her style of dress because it's classy but also youthful, hip and sexy! She doesn't over do it on the makeup either and maintains a healthy lifestyle with healthy eating and exercise. Her figure is to die for and she is also educated! She is a breath of fresh air.

Derin (http://wonders-of-beauty.blogspot.com/)
Derin is a blogger from the UK. Her smooth dark skin and taste in makeup is what made me subscribe. Her hair extensions look realistic and well maintained and from the comment section of her posts, she is a sweetheart.

If there are any bloggers/vloggers/youtube women that you think represent a feminine, classy young Black woman, please leave their info in the comments. I would love to hear from you all!

What is femininity and why is it important to African-American women?

According to Wikipedia, femininity is a set of attributes, behaviors and roles generally associated with girls and women. Femininity is socially constructed but made up of both socially-defined and biologically created factors. Both women and men can be feminine. Personality traits traditionally cited as feminine includes gentleness, empathy, sensitivity, compassion and nurturance. Physical traits vary due to social and cultural norms. For instance, in the Western world, light skin, thinness and long hair are considered ideal feminine traits but in other countries, that might not be the case. For example, in parts of Africa, having large hips and dark skin is what men look for in women.

Why is femininity important to African-American women? Society has convinced women of all ethnic backgrounds that being feminine is inferior, when in fact it isn't! But for African-American women, we have been denied the opportunity to be feminine! From being forced to do labor on plantations, to having to work outside the home, to being the victim of harassment and bullying in the media, our image and self esteem has taken a huge blow.

Do you think women in the early 1900s were allowed to stay home and care for their children, or even explore hobbies? No, they had to work and work hard outside the home and care for other people's families in order to make a living. Those days are over (in some ways) but our image is still that of a mammy, Aunt Jemima, Jezebel. How many sistas have the opportunity to take care of their families without having to worry about doing it as a single mother? How many have a man love and respect her role as a wife and mom? Yes, there are many but especially among the lower- and working-class, this sounds like just a dream.

When many people hear the words "Black women" they think of loud, obnoxious, bald headed hoodrats with bad attitudes, baby daddy drama and no education, living off welfare in the projects who say things such as "I'm a strong. black woman and I DON'T NEED NO MAN!!!" We are hypersexualized and dogged-out in pop culture by rappers with broken hearts and mommy issues. This is not only what the media focuses on and tells the rest of the world that we are like! This is not all of us. We are beautiful, loving, sexy, sweet, caring, intelligent and creative women and deserve to be treated as such. We deserve to be respected as much as the rest of the world's women but we must fight for it. It starts with lifting each other up, assimilating (without selling out) and demanding respect ( in a feminine way, of course).

Many African-American women these days suffer from low self-esteem because we are often told we are ugly, unwanted and our issues are ignored by both the Feminist Party and the Black Community, who serves to uplift the "Black man who needs a break". All we have is each other and reclaiming our femininity is a step in repairing our minds, bodies and souls. I will admit that many of these problems affect women of all ethnic and economic backgrounds. I welcome all readers and hope everyone can learn and become comfortable in their bodies and minds! Welcome :)